OF3: Letting The Days Go By
by LizD
Summary: The long awaited sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships.
1. Chapter 1

Title: **Letting the Days Go By **or** Old Relationships, New Friends  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_

Chapter One  
Spoilers/Prereqs: Sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships

Written: Winter 2005 

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

Some of you might remember my past fanfictions – many have been reposted. I started this sequel last February right before the JAG show took its final turn for the worse. I won't discuss the last year or two of the show except to say that I was sincerely disappointed with everyone associated with that show. What a horrible way to end a show that lasted nearly a decade (I can't count the last half of season 10 and the first half is hardly memorable). Anyway, it killed my JAG muse. However I find that I have a NEED to write. So I thought I would toss this chapter out there to see if there is any interest in JAG or this particular version of Harm and Mac to continue. Please know that if you have not read **_Old Friends_**, or _Old Friends, New Relationships _these characters have little in common with the character that were on screen in S10 of JAG.

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**Letting The Days Go By**

**Chapter One**

**1746 EST – August 2007**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Fall Church, VA**

Harm entered the JAG offices. It had been nearly three years (actually thirty-four months) since he left JAG. He had been back to the offices often in that time, but it had ceased to feel like home. All the memories were still there, but they now felt like they had happened to another man. He smiled and greeted the people that he never got to work with; they all knew him by his relationship to Mac and his reputation. Harm was a legend. The men wanted to be him and the women wanted him to fall in love with them – well the younger version of Harm.

What these people didn't notice or care to see was that the fire had gone out in Harmon Rabb, Jr. He was older and wiser; that came with the passage of time – it was inevitable. But Harm had ripened in the past three years – ripened to the point of dying on the vine. With his job, his marriage and his fatherhood role he had learned the value of compromise. He had learned about working as a member of a team. He had learned that being the star was not a role that he got to play anymore; he was now a supporting character in his own life. He had learned about sacrifice, unfulfillment, disappointment and loss without blame. He learned his lessons well. Yes, he learned them well, he accepted them – accepted them without question … all for the team. He even accepted them when there was no team to accept them for.

Mac had open boxes in her office. She was packing up. On top of one was SARAH. Harm didn't notice. He didn't fly anymore - that was something else that happened in another life, to another man.

Harm banged on Mac's doorframe. "Hey."

She looked up. "Hey."

Mac looked much the same as she always had. Still beautiful with eyes that could draw him in or hold him at bay depending upon her mood. Her features were striking as ever – maybe they struck a little harder now. Mac had learned the same lessons Harm had, however she never felt more alone. She did not feel like a member of any team, she was alone in a crowed room and that made her sad. As always, Mac was willing to yield to the forces of the universe, but she would be damned if she would like it.

"How did it go in court?" He asked casually.

"The members are still out." Her response was just as casual. Like two good friends checking in with each other.

"That's a good sign, yes?"

"It can be. I am not so sure in this case."

Harm nodded. He had distant memories of what it was like waiting to see if the members bought your arguments or your opponent's. He remembered the game, and he might even have remembered how to play, but he would be very rusty.

"I brought the papers by." He said matter-of-factly handing her a large envelope. "I wanted to give you some time to go over them before you left."

"You didn't need to do that."

"I was coming by anyway, the admiral wants to see me." He reminded her.

Mac pulled out the legal documents out. One was the deed to the house; one was the sale of the house and the final set were three copies of the divorce settlement. They had worked the arrangements out together the day they agreed to the divorce, the day she accepted the assignment in Okinawa, four months after they agreed that she would move out. The agreement was nothing if not fair and equitable. He would buy her interest in the house; they would split the remaining assets in half – though most would stay with Harm for the moment – and there would be no alimony. It would be as if they were never married, as if the previous thirty-plus months was annulled or just simply ignored. But they would remain friends; there was absolutely no reason that had to change. They agreed on that. They agreed on nearly everything these days.

When speaking to people about the separation and divorce, both Harm and Mac got comments like, "Well, it's a good thing there were no children involved, it always gets messy when children are involved." Neither Harm nor Mac responded to those comments, but both knew in the deepest part of themselves that if children had been involved, the divorce would not have been necessary.

Mac proceeded to sign in the places marked for her signature.

"You don't want to read through them first?" He asked.

"I am sure they are fine."

She replaced all but her copy of the divorce decree back into the envelope and pulled out the cashier's check. She looked down at it. It was exactly what they agreed it would be. She still felt that it was too high, but they had done the math together. The value placed on the 'sweat equity' that Harm had put into the house was too low, according to Mac, but since the work was still not complete, Harm insisted on keeping it low.

She nodded sadly at the check. It was more than what she had started the marriage with. Apparently it – the marriage - was a good short-term investment – financially speaking.

"I am opening a trust account for Mattie for school." She said softly, slipping the check into her briefcase. It was her way of forcing Harm to take some of the money back. He would never refuse her help with Mattie.

"Mattie told me. Thank you, it will help her a lot."

"I know I said I wasn't going to ask, but where did you get the cash?"

"I have no secrets Mac. I sold the house to Frank. He needed an investment property. I am leasing it back from him with an option to buy – if I choose to do that. We both – all three of us, made out well on this arrangement." He added, "Financially speaking."

"Good." Mac didn't feel like she made out at all, but it was fair, it was what they had discussed and it was a compromise.

How had Harm made out exactly? Frank had put more into the house than was necessary. Harm was able to draw some cash too, which would allow him to pay for the final remodeling. Also it brought the mortgage payments down to what he could afford by himself.

"Will I see you before you go?" He asked.

"Of course." She answered.

They had been having lunch or dinner almost once a week since the separation. Usually it was some quick and easy meal caught between meetings and almost always away from the house, full of newsy talk of the days they had missed. It was understandable for Harm to expect that she would make time for him before she would leave the country – this was not an out of the blue request.

"Can we have dinner?" She offered. "Maybe Saturday night."

"I'd like that." It had been a long time since they had had dinner on a 'date night.'

"I was going to bring some boxes by the house on Saturday, are you sure you don't mind storing them?"

"Of course not." He confirmed. "Do you need some help?"

"I am going to borrow AJ's truck, but I wouldn't fight you if you wanted to help me unload."

"No, I imagine not." He smiled sadly.

No, Mac and Harm didn't fight at all any more about anything.

"Thank you." She said – she had been saying that a lot to him of late.

"Look, I am free on Saturday. I would be happy to help. Don't borrow AJ's truck. I will come over and get the stuff and we can have dinner at the house."

She let the plan sink in. It made sense. "OK … OK, thank you … I do the shopping." She stated. "You will get me the list?"

"I will." He said evenly before his face broadened into a sly smile. "Anything?"

Her eyes shone with a light he had not seen in months, probably years. "Yeah, sure … why not?"

Mac had fond memories of some very playful banter in the history of their marriage – ancient history - about just such a topic. At the beginning of the marriage, Harm and Mac had really tried to have at least dinner together everyday. As time went on and their jobs got in the way, it was narrowed down to at least once a week they would make and effort to have a meal together. Sometimes they went out, but it was easier to eat at home, no reservations to make and the dinner hour could be shifted, as needed. Unspoken they had a settled into an arrangement that Harm would set the menu, make the list of ingredients they needed, she would shop, he would cook and they would clean up together.

Where the banter came in was that when that 'arrangement' had become a routine, Harm's menus started becoming more exotic (read: pricey) and some of the ingredients were not typically found at the local Stop and Shop. Mac would comment on the fact that he was sending her on wild goose chases for things that he only read about. She stopped calling them shopping lists and started calling them treasure hunts. But she never failed to find anything on the list and they had some great meals. Sadly, that kind of playing and those kinds of arrangements were short lived.

Was Harm bringing up this ancient memory with some design or intent? Did he have an agenda? Why should that night – their last night for a long time – be a reminder of better times? Or were there no ulterior motives, just another logical plan and good compromise – as it had started out being years ago? Maybe it was just nostalgia. But then why that 'anything' question? Mac was now wondering if it was such a good idea that they have dinner together in such a private setting. The separation was not Harm's idea, but he didn't fight to prevent it. Had he changed his mind? She would convince him that they should go out instead, maybe even invite Gates and AJ along. But she would do that over the phone, it was too hard in person.

"We can go out if you would rather." He said, reading her expression. He learned to read her like a book. That was something else that Harm had been able to acquire during their time together. "Maybe we should make it a real send off and invite AJ and Gates, Harriet and Bud, and anyone else you would like."

Mac was stunned a little. It occurred to her that she was actually looking forward to spending some quality time with him privately. Now she was a little sad that she had been concerned and it seemed that Harm was willing to let it go so easily.

"Excuse me, colonel, commander?" Petty Office Michael's voice broke through the moment. "The admiral will see you now, commander."

"Thank you." Harm said. He looked back at Mac. "Should I start making some phone calls?"

"No." She shook her head. "No big thing … just the two of us … at the house … I would like that."

He nodded. "Good, I'll e-mail you the shopping list." He flashed her his smile – the one he saved only for her, and went to his meeting.

**1832 EST – Saturday Night**

**Madden Residence**

**Arlington, Virginia**

Mac walked down stairs. She had clearly dressed for the evening. She had chosen tight black jeans, boots and a silk shirt. Her shirt was a deep lilac and she had left it tucked out and open with a lighter lilac lace camisole underneath – her bra and underwear were also a shade of lilac. Her hair was long and loose and slightly curled – the way Harm liked it. She was lovely and she felt attractive for the first time in a long time. Every time she looked at herself in the mirror – really looked at her self – she noticed how much her body had not changed. She was thin and tone and she looked just like she had years ago. If she had had a baby, that would not be the case. She was trying to look at the upside.

Gates' wolf whistle greeted Mac.

Mac looked over at Gates. "You don't look so bad yourself, there girlfriend." Gates was also dressed for a date – a date with AJ. They were very close after all this time.

She bowed an acknowledged the compliment. "Thought you were having dinner with Rabb tonight." She asked. Gates and Harm had actually become sparing partners. Neither would admit it, but they did like each other and really enjoyed the banter.

"I am." Mac replied without a tone.

"Rabb … the ex-husband?"

"And?" Mac challenged.

"Baby … that ain't no way to dress for the EX anything."

Mac had moved into Gate's apartment when she and Harm had separated. Gates was hardly ever at home, so it was perfect for Mac and Gates had someone at home for Kibbix and Moose. The time they did share together was nice, like old sorority sisters. Gates loved having her around, but assumed that it was only a matter of time – a very little bit of time – before Mac and Harm came to their senses and got back together.

Gates had not been in favor of the divorce – frankly she had not been in favor of the separation and had only let Mac move in under protest. Gates' position on the Rabb/MacKenzie marriage was that they were giving up for all the wrong reasons. Gates was shouting in the wind. Mac would not hear and Harm was too busy trying not to make waves. She decided to sit back and watch. That came from AJ. He explained to her that Harm and Mac were two people who could not be reasoned with particularly as it pertained to each other. It killed Gates to keep her mouth shut, but she believed AJ was right.

"Trying to blot out the X in your life?" Gates teased.

Mac looked down at her self after Gates' comment. "It's jeans and a shirt, if I were looking to bed the man, I would have worn a skirt … or at least put on some make up."

Gates shook her head and laughed. Mac would never admit how much she missed Harm. How much she still needed him. She had done everything a woman could do to keep him tied to her, yet continued to make decisions that 'proved' that she had moved on. That's what Okinawa was all about. Gates had called Mac on it when it was first mentioned. Gates' direct and uncushioned comment was, "Do you honestly think that putting half the globe between you will make any difference?"

"Gates, Look … it is over for us … huh? … We are friends. Shouldn't you be happy for me that we have maintained a friendship?"

"Baby doll … let me ask you this … just one more time … just to see if anything you say makes any kind of sense."

Mac had heard all this before. She rolled her eyes, looked away and shook her head.

"You still love him." Gates pressed.

"I will always love him … but that doesn't mean --."

"Answer the questions that are asked." Gates stated. "You have a better relationship now than you did – hell before you were married and better than any time while you were married."

"That is only because we both finally realized that we should never have been more than friends."

"You don't fight … you don't believe he cheated on you … God knows you would never cheat on him … money is not at issue …you are attracted to him, aren't you?"

Mac shook her head and looked away. She had long since stopped looking at Harm – or any man for that matter – in that way – as objects of desire. After they had been married, it was the little things that used to 'turn her on': when he took her hand in public, when he would lean in and whisper some dry remark in her ear, or they way he would pull her to him in his sleep. He didn't do any of that any more … for obvious reasons.

"Come on, MacKay … you are attracted to him, right?"

"I suppose – I don't really think about it anymore. He is who he is."

"Mac."

"Look Gates, it boils down to this …the life we have … the life we had together was not what either of us wanted."

"So change it."

"Gates … we got what we asked for … we got what we paid for … we can't undo it. In the end … it wasn't enough."

"Why because you turned Harm into the most compliant man on the planet? Hell, Gumby would put up more resistance."

Mac was getting annoyed. "I didn't do anything to Harm … he did it to himself."

"If that helps you sleep at night, sister."

"Gates, stop this."

"Ya know, I am just so disappointed. I thought you were a fighter, I though you – of all people – would fight for what you wanted."

"I wanted children … who the hell am I supposed to fight about that!" Mac was red faced and her voice was cracking.

Gates came over to her and wrapped her arms around her. "Honey, if kids are all it will take to make you happy … adopt them … get a whole damn litter."

"It's too late."

"It's only too late if you don't do anything to change it."

**1726 EST – Saturday Night**

**Rabb Residence**

**McLean, Virginia**

Harm had just gotten out of the shower. Alphonse and Gaston, the Bengal cats they had gotten for Mattie when they first moved into the house were waiting by the bathroom door as always.

"Excuse me, guys!" Harm said shooing them out from under his feet.

They were actually not both males, but since they were never apart and Harm could not tell the difference between them – that is what he said - he sort of merged them together. If you were to ask him, he didn't like cats, but he liked these two. They had attitude and personality and – unlike their namesakes – were constantly at odds to the detriment of anything that could be knocked over and broken regardless of the shelf height. Mattie had offered to take them with her, but Harm 'compromised' and said that it would be better for them if they stayed at home rather than in a dorm room. It was actually better for him. It was a big house for one man.

"You ready for supper, kids?"

He was met with a chorus of yowls that nearly drowned out the ringing of the phone. It was Mac saying that she was going to be fifteen minutes late. Harm always ran fifteen minutes late, but it was nice that she called.

Harm dressed with care that night too, even though it was only Mac and it was dinner at home. He wasn't going to wear just sweats or shorts. Interestingly enough, he also opted for black jeans, boots but with a burgundy silk shirt – tucked in to show his trim self. He checked himself out in the mirror. He was older and grayer – that was true – but he still looked good, if he did say so himself, better in fact then he looked the day they got married – well, leaner and toner.

It was important that he be dressed to fit the occasion and the meal. He had pulled out all the stops for that night's menu: lobster and crab and special dessert that he found a bakery that he knew Mac would love. Neither one did dessert much these days, but this was too good to pass up. (He had done the shopping; he wanted that evening to be all about Mac.)

What was he expecting that night? Nothing out of the ordinary – good conversation and an enjoyable companion for a good meal – someone to cook for, some thing to make an effort for. He would miss Mac - he would miss not seeing her. He knew there would be phone calls, e-mails and the occasional visit, but she wouldn't be driving distance anymore. Nothing much else would change for them. This transfer was good – very good for her career – and as it turned out, good for him as well - well not his career so much as his daily life.

The admiral had asked him to come back to JAG. She knew that he was being wasted where he was, and she needed a good lawyer now that she was losing Mac. She would have asked him back years ago, but that little stickler about married people not serving in the same chain of command got in the way. The interagency task force was little more than a media relations group. They were not allowed to make a difference – the administration made sure of that. After the first six months that was made painfully clear to Harm. Sadly at that point, Harm was dealing with other things and changing jobs or fighting for what was right – professionally – was not something he had time for or interest in. Work became a place to bury himself, not a place to stand out.

It was at that time – six months into the marriage - that Harm and Mac became concerned that they were not conceiving. They had hoped that by not putting pressure on themselves; it would happen naturally. But they had been 'unprotected' since November, it was June and still nothing. Mac was worried that with each passing month the endometriosis would take hold of her as it had the prior year. What followed was eight months of jumping through every hoop and enough narcissistic injuries to last a lifetime for each of them. Mac was tested again – endometriosis was evident but she was fertile. Harm was tested – not the best swimmers in the pool but not something that should have been a problem. They tried all the reasonable fertility and medical procedures, but after eight months, Mac put a stop to the whole thing. They doctor had said that it was too soon to give up, but Mac was forty. She was done. They had been trying for well over a year. She couldn't take the disappointment anymore. She needed to move on – it wasn't going to happen for them. Harm understood and felt her pain. The only thing he never understood or accepted was her guilt for him. She could not provided him with a child – he did not own that – so she would not mention it. Harm believed that there was still the adoption option, but wanted to give her – and if he was being very honest, himself – time to come to terms with their failure. Neither really realized how much that failure would cost them.

At any rate, Admiral Schnarr had stayed in the loop on the goings on of the agency (which never actually got a name). Schnarr's attention was not unwarranted; Harm was still being paid through the JAG budget. So when Mac had asked for the transfer to Okinawa and her position opened up at JAG HQ, Janet saw an opportunity.

At first Harm was reluctant – read nervous – to go back to JAG. Could he really go home again? Kate, Lillian and Tracy had formed and unholy alliance and were a clique that would be hard to break. The admiral thought that having Harm back – the cock of the roost, so to speak – might break up their little clique. She didn't like thinking of Harm as an object that would motivate the 'girls' to work, but she had to do what she had to do. Mac was her top attorney, she had been given all the tough assignments and met and exceed them. With Harm's departure, Mac flourished as a lawyer. Janet really never understood why, she did not know of the personal problems that Mac was burying under her workload – she really didn't want to know. All that the admiral knew was that she had one lawyer that she could count on in the difficult high profile cases – well two; Bud was a fine attorney. But somehow he got tasked with reining in or cleaning up a mess made by the Unholy Trinity.

Harm had discussed the transfer with Mac on the phone and they agreed that it would be a good thing for him and probably a good thing for JAG. They would be working together again – sort of.

That night they had a very nice dinner and some wonderful conversation about Mattie, about their friends (who were not asked to pick sides) and about JAG and they laughed – laughed a lot.

At one point Mac got a serious look in her eye when they were discussing him going back to JAG.

"What?" He asked.

"Just do me one favor?" She asked.

"If I can."

"Anytime you go up against Kate Pike … make sure you are in a court room."

Kate has been relentless with Mac in the past three years. Harm had even taken Kate aside one day – unbenounced to Mac – and asked her to back off. He was livid. It had been one weekend, more than ten years before. Move on! Kate had smiled and said – "That is how you play the game. You need to psyche your opponent with everything in your arsenal." Kate should have spent more time with the law books. Mac had won each time she and Kate faced off in a courtroom. Mac never stooped to her game and never bought into the psyche – at least not enough to let it affect her ability to do her job – but Kate and Mac did not have lunch together – ever. And there was a time about a year ago that Mac was not so sure it was just a psyche and that her information was based on more recent events.

Mac of course was wrong, and came to see that, but not before the seed was planted in her brain that Harm may not be satisfied.

"Have I made myself clear?" Mac pushed.

Harm did not know how to answer. Not that he had – or ever did have – any intention of starting a relationship with Kate – particularly now that they were working together, but he was more interested in why Mac was asking. She had divorced him, why should she care?

"I know I don't have a right to ask you that." Mac continued. "But I am."

Harm took it as a minor point in his column. If she were jealous of Kate or of anyone, then she cared about him more than as a friend. "How about I go you one better." He smiled and took her hand across the table. "How about if I promise to beat the pants off of her each time we are in court?"

Mac shook her head slightly. "I would prefer that you leave her pants alone."

Harm realized his misspeak. She seriously thought that he might pick up with Kate again. Well of course she would, she had assumed they had a year ago – or at least pretended she did.

"Strictly professional – now and in the future." He assured her – again. "And that is my choice – not a favor I am doing for you."

"Ok."

That topic closed they moved on to others. Mac finally got around to noticing all the work he had done on the house. The big one was the fireplace in the living room. They hadn't ever been able to build a fire – not an issue, but one that came up on occasion if they were having dinner at home, as they had been on a night like that night. Mac never said anything overtly about his inability to complete a project in the house, but she didn't like living in a constant state of construction. That was clear.

Harm had finally gotten around to the fireplace – and the hundred or so other projects that had been left unfinished before Mac had moved out. The house was very nearly done. All that was left, were a couple of major projects that would require hiring outside contractors (plumbing and electrical, hence the reason Harm needed the money) and it would be over.

With dinner finished and the dishes done, he suggested that they move into the living room with their coffee and dessert. The dessert was a big hit. Mac made all the noises women make about not needing the calories, but she had no problem savoring every bite of the chocolate and raspberry soufflé/torte/cake thing – or making the noises that go along with that.

The conversation turned to Okinawa and what she was expecting. She was able to disclose to Harm that she was more than a little nervous. This would be her first command position. He did not give her the standard lip services that another friend or ex-husband might have. He let her talk, listened to her concerns and asked what her plans were to meet the problems head on.

The one noticeable thing that had changed in their relationship was the trust and respect that each held for the other. It was not unrealistic praise or acceptance from a loved one; it was honest to goodness respect. It was because of that respect that they had remained such good friends through all their trials and tribulations.

Mac made an off the cuff comment about wanting to change her mind and stay, but laughed it off.

Harm got very serious. He hadn't realized it before, but he had been waiting for such an opening.

"Sarah … If I asked you not to go?" He proposed.

It just all of a sudden hit him that he loved this woman and could not imagine his life without her. Again, she would stay in touch with him from half a world away – but he wanted more. He would never marry again – he knew that without saying it – there would be other women – other lovers, but no one would rise to the rank of wife with him. Mac would always be his wife – his first and only wife - no matter where they were living or who either of them was sleeping with. He would always be there for her in any capacity that she needed.

She got serious too. She was clearly grateful that he had asked. There was a little voice inside of her that said he had given up too easily on her – on them – and she worried that the love was not there. His request for her to not go was all she needed. She reached out and laced her fingers through his.

Her voice was soft and sincere. "It would make it that much more difficult for me to go," was her honest answer.

Harm nodded. So she would go regardless. He had suspected as much. At least he was compensated with the knowledge that he could make it difficult for her to leave him. He had no plans to, but he needed to know that it wasn't going to be easy. He squeezed her hand back, so grateful for the contact of her soft hand in his.

The fire crackled and the candles flickered in the silence of the room as they held on to the physical connection too soon to be broken.

"If I ask you to stay … for just tonight?" His voice nearly failed him and he was afraid to look into her eyes for fear of what he might see.

Her eye filled with tears almost instantly, but she held them back. It was a sweet loving request that pulled at her heart and washed over her with the years of hope and despair they had shared.

"It won't change anything, Harm." She warned with a cracking voice – worried that he would agree, worried that he would send her home, worried that the last time they saw each other she would know that she had a chance to be with him one more time, and she ruined it.

"I know." He looked back at her. "Stay … for tonight."

She gave a silent assent.

He leaned in and kissed her softly. She was giving him, giving herself – giving them – one last night.

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Comments welcome, encouragement needed to revive the old JAG muse. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: **Letting the Days Go By  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Two  
Written: Fall 2005**  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew, creators or characters. With love and thanks.**

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Wow! Quite the turn out for an EX-show story (LOVE THE HIT COUNT (until it crashed) would be over 600 by now … cool)). I used to think that there was so many people reading JAG fanfics because the show was so disappointing and assumed that once the show was off the air fewer people would be reading about it. Maybe it hasn't been off the air long enough for us to find something else to fill the void (and God knows I have tried). Anyway, thank you and I hope I can give you a good read. I can promise this to my loyal readers (those of you who will read until the end) you will (as usual) be rewarded and there will be a shipper ending. How I get from Chapter One to that point or what it will look like when we get there is anyone's guess (In A Garden, anyone?), but that is the fun of it, isn't it? And a side note to the people who are reading this thing from a one-sided point of view – FYI … I see Harm and Mac as both flawed and both trying to do the right thing … if you want to SLANT IT … you can, you have every right, but that is not my story. Please enjoy.

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**Letting The Days Go By****  
Chapter Two******

**1746 EST – November 2007**

** JAG Headquarters**  
** Fall Church, VA**

"You can wipe that shit eating grin off your face right now Rabb." Lt. Commander Kate Pike snapped. She was trying to be sincere but the smirk that always appeared on her face when talking to Harm belied that.

"You can't be serious with this stuff Kate." He laughed over his shoulder as he continued the march to his office.

Kate padded behind. "It is the truth --."

"Kate, please." Harm dropped the folders down on his desk. "Possessed? His computer was possessed … BY THE DEVIL?" He laughed again. "Oh sorry … no just his computer … the whole damn network." He held up his hand. "Please."

"I believe that he believed it." She protested. "He is a sick man, Harm. He needs help not ..."

"Kate, he took a sledge hammer …"

"We're not denying that." She protested.

"… causing thousands of dollars worth of damage …"

"Should he have called a priest?" She protested.

"A priest wouldn't have destroyed government property and your client wouldn't be in this mess right now."

"Harm."

He turned on his heel. "Kate … this is a time of war … he put his whole unit and a major operation at risk and he doesn't have the balls --"

"He needs a doctor." She protested.

"He needs jail time and to make some serious restitution."

"Harm."

"Kate." Harm got serious. "If you pursue this line of defense … I will rip it apart and he will wind up doing 25 years."

She let the grin widen on her face. "Why are you being such a hard ass?"

"He needs take responsibility."

"Harm." She cooed. Her cooing, smiling, innuendoing and generally seductive attitude hadn't worked on him in the past three months, but it didn't stop her from trying.

"Kate … look in my eyes."

"They turn an interesting shade of blue when you get fired up." She leaned in. "Or is it green?"

Her sexy, cooey approach was getting old. "Do I look like I am kidding?"

She leaned back. "He is getting a psyche eval tomorrow morning."

"Won't this be the third eval?" He sat down and flipped through the paper work on his desk. He was done talking about the case and really would have preferred if she left. He liked Kate. She was normally a person he could "play" with in the office, but over the past three months she had been getting progressively intrusive and using their history to take certain liberties with Harm's good nature. He was going to have to shut her down and shut her down soon before it spun completely out of control and came back to bite him on the ass.

"Second actually … unless you count the field shrink."

"Kate … you're going to lose … and more importantly your client is going to have the book thrown at him." He warned. "Get him to change his mind. Get him to take responsibility and I will recommend a lesser sentence."

"You want to plead this out … we can talk." She alluded. "We'll discuss it over dinner."

"No thanks."

"I'll buy." She purred.

"No thanks." In the three months since Harm had been back at JAG that 'dinner invitation' was probably the 50th that Harm had to decline. Kate should have gotten the message.

"Come on Harm … I'll take you to that new sushi place. It's right next to that jazz club, we can go have a few drinks, listen to music, get a little stupid … see what happens."

"No thanks." He repeated looking her in the eye hoping she would FINALLY get the message.

"Harm … Mac has been gone for months … you haven't had a date since when?"

"Not your concern, Kate." He warned.

"Come on Rabb … we are old friends."

"We have known each other for a long time." He corrected.

She didn't see it as a correction. "So two old friends can't have dinner together?"

He stood up. "Kate, no. No thank you. Thank you no." He fixed her with his most sincere face. "Do you need more than that?"

"Evidently."

He exhaled. This was going to be the day she shut her down in no uncertain terms. "Kate … you have messy boundaries." He had to think that she asked for these comments. "You always have … and I am too old to play that game with you … I don't have the time, energy or interest."

Kate was stunned. He had never been that blunt with her before unless it had to do with her treatment of Mac over the years. "This is about your EX-wife, isn't it? She told you to stay away from me."

Harm shook his head. He so very much did not want to bring Mac into the conversation.

"It was her call Harm." She pressed. "You're a free agent. You can be with who ever you want." Then she pushed it too far. "Her loss."

Harm hated that Kate referred to Mac with such scorn and the fact that she dug in the 'ex' every chance she got. He had to FIRE back. "No Kate. This is about you. We had a weekend more than a decade ago and you just won't let it be what it was … it was fun … it was a good time … we were friends … neither wanted more … and we both got what we asked for. No one was used and no one was slighted. It was two consenting adults."

"I am not inviting you into my bed, Harm." She defended poorly.

"Kate you think you know me because of that one weekend and some playful banter over the years."

"I don't --."

Harm ignored her attempt at denial. "You think that gives you license to comment on things that you know nothing about."

"But …"

"Times have changed." He said sadly. "I have changed."

"You think I haven't."

"No, I don't." He said simply. "You need to grow up, Kate. You are a smart woman and really could have gone somewhere but your mouth got in the way." He drove the final nail home. "You are your own worst enemy"

She was speechless.

A knock on the door saved her from responding immediately.

"Commander Pike." The petty officer said. "That admiral wants to see you … right now ma'am."

Kate rolled her eyes. The last thing she needed was a dressing down by the admiral. She looked back at him still stunned by his comments. "This isn't over Rabb." She used her best offense to mask the hurt she felt.

"I wish it would be." He said softly.

She left but it was clear that this time she got the message. The only bad part was that if Kate was not flirty and friendly she was going to be a royal bitch to work with. Harm could handle it. He would have to handle it. Actually he wanted to handle it. He was so grateful to be back doing the kind of work he was good at and actually making a difference. It was empowering and very invigorating. He felt younger than he had in years. He had taken on a caseload that would choke a horse, but he hadn't dropped a ball or missed an objection. He was 110 percent in the zone. While he would not use the word 'happy' to describe himself, it was a lot easier to face everyday than it had been even if that meant that his wife was half a world away.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**0900 UCT (local) – November 2007  
JAG Headquarters****  
Okinawa, Japan**

Mac was working through a stack of files. They weren't the current cases – those were in good order – but the person who was in the position before wasn't very good at paperwork. Mac had a lot of clean up on her hands. She had a good crew and she was well respected and liked. Things were OK for her. She was working hard and really enjoying the command. She wasn't as lonely as she thought she would be. She had made a few friends and was able to stay preoccupied if not entertained. She was bordering on happy, but it was more like contentment that she was feeling. The other big thing for her was that she didn't have the overwhelming feeling of letting people down – herself, her husband, her friends and her doctors. She was coming to terms with being childless and being single was speeding up the process. She was focused on her career and her health. She was in the best shape of her life and the endometriosis was not causing the kind of pain it had.

Sandra Benson was Mac's closest friend on base. They weren't really friends so much as they were acquaintances – good acquaintances. She lived next door with her husband and twin teenaged sons. Sandy would often need to get away from the "men-folk" at her house and would come over and visit with Mac or they would go running or to a movie. Mac didn't think that she would ever be very close with Sandy, but it was nice to have someone to do things with on occasion. Both Sandy and her husband were marines and they counted themselves lucky to be stationed at the same base. It hadn't always been that way and their marriage suffered for it. The best thing about Sandy was that she was non-intrusive. She never pried into Mac's history or forced her to talk about things she didn't want to talk about. Mac was pretty closed lipped about her past. Honestly Sandy was too; which was why they found each other's company so easy.

After three months Mac was sure she made the right decision and she believed that Harm was beginning to see the wisdom as well.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**0545 EST – November 2007  
Rabb Residence****  
Swink's Mill and Georgetown Pike****  
McLean, Virginia**

Harm rolled over and looked at the clock - 0545. Okinawa was 17 hours ahead. If he and Mac were going to speak on a given day it was usually at 0600 his time, 2300 hers. They didn't talk everyday, but at least three times a week. If he needed to speak to her he would call and leave a message when he got home or vice versa. She would call just before she went to bed, or he would call her as he was getting up. He hadn't left a message for her – nor she him - but he thought she might.

The conversations were good. They were maintaining a very good close friendship – much like the last year of their marriage and unlike anything they had before they got together. There was no sniping or low blows. It was mature and respectful. They actually had developed a great deal of respect for the other over the years. Their marriage didn't end out of lack of respect; rather it was the loss of hope for the future – the kind of hope that blinds people in love to the harsh realities of life. Since moving away Mac could tell he was happier back at JAG and he was impressed with how easily she slipped into the command position. They talked shop quite a bit and were actually very much in tune with how the other one thought and were able to make constructive comments in ways that weren't taken wrong. It was good. It was better. It was more than any 100 people they knew got in life. It was still lonely at night but they had also gotten used to that from the last months of their marriage.

All other communications between them were limited. They expected to be exchanging "chat" online, but that was not their style. Snail mail letters or cards were just too slow. And e-mails were not satisfying enough. There were some, but often it was just a quick note and a forward of something or other. Mattie of course filled both their inboxes with all kinds of newsy information about college etc. She refused to treat them as separate and would always include both of them in her emails. Responses were almost always a "reply to all" as well. The Rabb/MacKenzie/Johnson family was still looped.

Harm checked the clock again - 0551. She would probably not call so he got up and started his morning routine. The first of which was feeding the cats. He was just about to put the bowls down when the phone rang.

"Good morning." He said cheerfully when he saw the caller ID.

"Hi." She was a little tired. It had been a very long day and she had just gotten back from her two-hour work out at the gym.

"How was the day? Should I go back to bed?" He asked. It had been a running joke that Mac was doing reconnaissance on the day since it was already over before he even got up. At any rate, the time they spoke before she had told him that she had been dealing with some personnel issues. It was nothing major but he was able to give her an object opinion that she needed.

"All taken care of." She said proudly.

"Good." He pulled the juice from the fridge and poured himself a glass. "Did you see that e-mail from Mattie?" He knew that she had.

"Yeah … is it really OK with you that she goes skiing over Thanksgiving?"

"Sure … why not … she's a kid … she should have as much fun as she can."

"You do know that Josh is going." Mac warned him.

"I know … and I know there is nothing I can do to stop them from doing whatever they want whether they are on the ski slopes or in the backyard."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really … she's in college now. She has to make her own choices."

"And you're OK with that?"

"No … I am not OK … I would prefer to lock her in a closet until she is 35 … but I think they frown on that in 48 of the 50 states."

"Just your luck you live in one of the 48."

"Yeah." He laughed. "Just my luck."

Mac leaned back into her pillows. This was actually her favorite part of the day. "So?"

"So?" He asked back.

"What did you decide to do for Thanksgiving?" It had been one of their favorite holidays. She was tentative to ask, but those tough questions got easier when both knew there was no agenda behind them.

"Well … it looks like the house will be FULL."

"Excuse me?" She was a little confused they had always liked keeping that holiday to themselves.

"Yeah. The Roberts' kids are going to Florida so Harriet is not going to cook. Bud was so crushed that he wasn't going to get his home cooked Thanksgiving that I offered."

"Wow … when did all this happen?"

"Last night."

"Really?" She was surprised. She didn't think Harm would want to be that much at the center of attention considering this was the first year … well because he would have to do it alone.

"Really." He confirmed. "It started with Bud and Harriet and then it kind of snowballed. AJ and Gates are coming and Victor and Jennifer."

"Victor and Jennifer?" She was again taken aback by that news. "As in the gunny and the petty officer?"

"Those are the two. They have been dating for a month now."

"You didn't tell me … Mattie didn't tell me." Mac felt very out of the loop.

"Not sure Mattie knows." He thought about it. "They are kind of keeping a low profile. I only found out last week."

"Well good for them." She said honestly. "They deserve some happiness."

That comment actually hit home for both Harm and Mac. The idea that happiness was only found when you were involved in a relationship stung. They had been spending the past seven months convincing themselves – unsuccessfully – that that was not true or at least not the ONLY way to find happiness.

"They do." Harm agreed.

"So who else?"

"Not sure … but I think the table will be full." He didn't want to be disappointed but he had to ask. "What about you … think you can make it?"

Her immediate reaction was to say that she would of course be there, but it was a 20 hour flight and she was not sure when she could leave or how long she could stay and how much time she could actually miss at the office. It was her command and she didn't want to appear to be flaking out at the first holiday. "Let me check the duty roster and see what I can work out."

"Ok." He felt the 'no' from around the world, but the stated 'maybe' was better than nothing.

"Not sure I can eat dinner on base not when I know that Rabb's Oyster Stuffing is available." She tried to make it up to him.

"There will be a place set for you." He wanted to add that there always would be, but didn't.

This was going to be a hard holiday season on both of them, but not as hard as the prior year. That was when they were pretending that everything was good between them and nothing was. Everything was forced and neither really enjoyed anything. The best that could be said was that there was no fighting. Some how they each took a measure of success in that fact. Every time Mac raised that point with Gates, she shot it down. "You should fight." Gates would say. "You should fight so you can make up." Mac blew it off.

"So tell me about this case." She said changing the subject. "The one where $80k worth of equipment was destroyed for being possessed by the Devil." She laughed. "Think my computer is possessed."

"Wow … really is a small world … guess you have your spies everywhere." He proceeded to tell her about Kate's plan to get the guy off on the insanity plea.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thanksgiving Day - 2007**  
**Hickman Air Force Base, Hawaii**

"I am sorry about this ma'am," the young airman said. "It looks like it will be another two or three hours before we can take off."

Mac didn't say anything.

"You are going to miss dinner." He said.

Mac nodded.

"I always liked leftovers better." He tried to be encouraging.

"There is that." She confirmed. Mac checked her watch. "When is the next plane heading back to Okinawa?" She was going to cancel the trip. She never actually told anyone that she was going to make dinner; she wanted to surprise them. So if she didn't make it, no one would be the wiser.

"There is one leaving in thirty minutes." He said sadly taking the responsibility of her missing Thanksgiving with her family. Why he felt so guilty was a mystery to Mac. He wasn't getting to spend time with his family on the holiday. She decided that he was just a good kid and liked to do nice things.

"Thank you." Mac got up and moved away from the young man. She had some thinking to do.

If she continued on to Washington she would get there near midnight. Harm would be in bed; all the guests would be gone and she would be exhausted with jet lag from hell. She wouldn't be able to stay long; she had to be back on Sunday so that meant taking another 20 hour flight (if nothing went wrong) back early on Saturday. She would have one day … if that … which would probably be spent sleeping. Then she had to ask herself why she was putting herself through all of that. She had spoken to Harm the day before and he seemed OK with the fact that she wasn't coming and that he would be hosting the holiday without her. She assumed he was overcompensating as he had done so often in their marriage – sacrificing his needs to make sure that she wasn't compelled to do something she didn't want to do. She often wondered if that was why he let her call all the shots during that whole fertility debacle. Anyway the trip was silly. She would be spending more time traveling than she would have there. So why do it? Why go through all of that trouble just to miss Thanksgiving?

"Airman?" She called over her shoulder. "Think I will take that ride back to Okinawa."

"Yes, ma'am."

Mac turned back to look out the window of the little office they had tucked her away in. She thought back on their first Thanksgiving. Not the one after they were married, the very first one when they were a couple. It was right after Harm had left JAG and he was remodeling the house.

**f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**Thanksgiving Day – 2004**

Harm was still at the house after midnight (Wednesday night / Thursday morning). Mac drove out to the house to bring him home. They had been spending almost every night together since he left JAG. It was getting to the point for Mac that she couldn't fall asleep without him home.

The lights were all on and the music was up to ear splitting decibels. Mac was grateful that the nearest neighbor was acres away. She found him upstairs working on the framing of her new bathroom (he would call it "her" bathroom until the day she moved out – and probably afterward). He had been working close to 18 to 20 hours a day. He would have liked to say that it was productive time spent, but more often than not things needed to be done and redone. It was not his fault – well not most of the time. The house was old and in a worse state than he originally had thought. He was bound and determined to make it livable before he brought his new bride home and putting off the wedding was out of the question.

"Hey." She called to him over the music.

"Hey." He looked up and nodded for her to turn it off. "What are you doing out here?"

"Harm." She was amused that he had no clue what time or what day it was. "It's after midnight."

He checked for his watch. He had taken in off. "Really? Wow …thought it was like eight or nine."

"It's Thanksgiving Day, Harm." She squatted down next to him. "You taking the day off?"

"No … Thanksgiving is tomorrow." He protested.

"It is tomorrow." She wiped some dirt from his face.

"Damn." He stood up bringing her with him. "I wanted to make you all dinner." He checked his watch again. "There is no time to shop now."

"They have it covered." Mac assured him.

"Who does?"

"Mattie and Jennifer … they're cooking." She scooted closer to him so he was forced to wrap a dirty arm around her. "They have been baking all night."

"They have, huh?"

"Yep … thought maybe we could go out for a big breakfast." She laughed.

"Ha … I bet they will do fine."

"I don't care about the food." She cooed and nuzzled his dirty neck and he pulled slightly away.

"Mac … I stink." He protested.

"I don't care about that either." She let her lips lightly brush his. "I just want my family around me and my fiancée at home."

"Oh yeah?" He grinned.

"Yeah." She looked up him and wiped some dust off his brow. "I'm happy, Harm." She nipped at his chin.

"I can see that." It was hard for him to contain his delight. He loved when she was the aggressor – sexually.

She nestled herself between his legs and draped her arms around his shoulders and looked him in the eye. "No, I mean I am really happy – I don't think I have ever been this happy in my entire life."

He was silenced. This mood was rare for Mac; he didn't want to ruin it.

"I love you … I love our life … I love this house … and I love that you are making it for us." She kissed him again. "And I know that it is only going to get better from here."

"Better and better …" He kissed her back. "…and better."

"I have so much to be thankful for this year." She said.

"We both do." He pulled her to him and held her very tightly. His heart echoed her every sentiment.

"Harm?" She whispered in his ear.

"Mmmmmm." He was tired but lost in the feeling of his beautiful Sarah in his arms. His heart lifted every time she was within ten feet of him.

"Make love to me." She breathed.

"Yah-huh." He tightened his hold. "Your place is closer." He started to pull away so he could take her home.

"No." She stopped him. "Here."

"Here?" He was confused. "Baby it's freezing cold, I am filthy dirty and we got nothing but hard wood floors." It all sounded so unromantic to him.

"I don't care … we have a blanket … the one from the picnic is still here … and I am sure that we can keep each other warm."

He realized that she was serious.

"I want our first Thanksgiving memory together to be unforgettable and in our house." She told him.

"Oh it will be unforgettable alright." He laughed and pulled her close. "You're sure?"

"I love you." She stated clearly.

"You are something else Sarah MacKenzie." He smiled. "And you're all mine." He scooped her up into his arms and carried her into what would be their bedroom. He laid her out in the center of the room, kissed her soundly and then pulled himself away.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Gonna make a fire and need to find that blanket."

Mac sat back. She was happy and she was thankful and life really was only going to get better. She believe that in her heart, in her soul and in ever fiber of her being. She was home. They were home.

**e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**Thanksgiving Day - 2007**

Thanksgiving was over. Harm was exhausted. Everyone who came helped but it was still a lot of work. He had a good time. It was different, but it was nice to see everyone. Even Kate, Lillian and Tracy came and were on their best behavior. To his surprise, he hadn't heard from Mac, but just assumed that she would call at some point. The last time they spoke she has said her friend Sandy had invited her to join her family for the holiday. She was probably still there and would call when she got in regardless of how late it was getting for him. He threw another log on the fire in the bedroom.

It had become a tradition – well three-years worth of tradition – that Harm would keep the fire in the bedroom going all day and well into the night. That morning he got up and made it like he always had. He was nostalgic, but he wasn't sad. Something made him believe that if kept the tradition going that when they got back together (and he had always assumed that they would) he would know that he hadn't missed a year.

Harm never really stopped to analyze what part of the failed marriage was his fault – in all honesty he just assumed that what they were going through was a major bump in the road – that nothing was actually, sincerely, completely over. It was not that he believed that it was all Mac's doing, but he never really tried to understand what he did wrong. He had tried to convince himself that he was nothing but supportive throughout that whole fertility thing, but he couldn't point to one thing that he did that pushed any agenda of his (adoption) nor anything that was particularly supportive of Mac (bolstering her up to keep up the treatments). He didn't argue with her or challenge her wishes – but that could hardly be called supportive. If he were forced to say it, it was a narcissistic injury to him as well. Not being able to get your wife pregnant has to hit any man with an ego, and a man like Harm with an ego like his … well let's just say it hurt. Sadly, no one forced him to admit it and certainly not Mac. She was taking ALL the blame.

After she stopped the treatments they sort of fell back into the work thing. They drifted. The first inking he had that things had gotten really bad – well not bad, just unsatisfying - was when she said she was moving out. She had told him that he wasn't the man she married and that she took all the blame for that. Harm knew then that it wasn't true. Mac had nothing to do with his watering down. Their inability to get pregnant didn't help matters, but in all honesty the position at the Inter-Agency task force had more to do with Harm losing himself than anything Mac did. The fact that she buried herself in her work, allowed him to do the same, but his was so much less rewarding. He had to agree with her, he was not the man she married, nor was he the man he wanted to be. He couldn't ask for her help (even if he knew how), she was dealing with so much already. When the request for the divorce came it was too late to do anything. He'd taken for granted the one thing he swore he would never take casually – and that was Mac and his marriage. He failed.

The phone rang with an unfamiliar caller ID. "Hey." Mattie's cheerful voice came over the line. She was full of tales of her skiing exploits and what a great time they were having. She made a point to let Harm know that she and her girlfriend were sharing a room and Josh was not even on the same floor of the lodge. Harm was silently grateful for that.

Just as he was hanging up he noticed lights from a car pulling up the drive. He went to the door and saw someone getting out of a taxi. He opened the door and Mac's exhausted smiling face was looking up at him.

"Anything left to eat?" She called brightly to him. "I am starving."

Harm's heart skipped a beat. She was home … home on Thanksgiving (or as close to it as she could get) … now he had something to be really grateful for.

* * *

**End Chapter Two** - TBC 

One final note that I forgot to mention in Chapter One: I stole the title from a lyric in the David Byrne/Talking Heads song "Once In A Lifetime". This is in no way a SongFic but the sentiment of the song is appropriate for how our heroes got to where they were at the start of this story (indeed for how many of us wind up in a place that we had no intention of going). The lyrics are as follows:

_And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack  
And you may find yourself in another part of the world__  
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile__  
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife__  
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?__  
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down__  
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground__  
Into the blue again/after the money's gone__  
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.__  
And you may ask yourself__  
How do I work this?__  
And you may ask yourself__  
Where is that large automobile?__  
And you may tell yourself__  
This is not my beautiful house!__  
And you may tell yourself__  
This is not my beautiful wife!__  
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down__  
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground__  
Into the blue again/after the money's gone__  
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.__  
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...__  
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...__  
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...__  
Water dissolving...and water removing__  
There is water at the bottom of the ocean__  
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean__  
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!__  
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down__  
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground__  
Into the blue again/in the silent water__  
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.__  
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down__  
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground__  
Into the blue again/after the money's gone__  
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.__  
And you may ask yourself__  
What is that beautiful house?__  
And you may ask yourself__  
Where does that highway go?__  
And you may ask yourself__  
Am I right?...Am I wrong?__  
And you may tell yourself__  
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?__  
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down__  
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground__  
Into the blue again/in the silent water__  
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.__  
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down__  
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground__  
Into the blue again/after the money's gone__  
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.__  
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...__  
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...__  
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was..._


	3. Chapter 3

Title: **Letting the Days Go By  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Three  
Written: Fall 2005 

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew, creators or characters. With love and thanks.**

* * *

Wow … Thanks for the comments and what a HIT COUNT! … Hit me three times if you like what you read. HA HA THANKS!

* * *

**Letting The Days Go By**  
**Chapter Three**

**Friday Early AM – After Thanksgiving Day – 2007****  
Rabb Residence****  
Swink's Mill and Georgetown Pike****  
McLean, Virginia**

Just as he was hanging up with Mattie, Harm noticed lights from a car pulling up the drive. He went to the door and saw someone getting out of a taxi. He opened the door and Mac's exhausted smiling face was looking up at him.

"Anything left to eat?" She called brightly to him. "I'm starving."

Harm's heart skipped a beat. She was home … home on Thanksgiving (or as close to it as she could get) … now he had something to be really grateful for.

He pulled her into an embrace and felt her stiffen in his arms. Maybe she wasn't as 'home' as he thought she was. He was about to kiss her but she pulled away.

"You must be exhausted." He needed to say something that would soften the distance between them.

"I'm wiped out." She owned but wouldn't look him in the eye.

He grabbed her bag and let her precede him into the house.

"The 20 hour flight," she continued. "Or should I say FLIGHTS - was closer to 28 hours … you wouldn't believe the trouble I had getting here … between mechanical issues and the weather … it was just nuts … the house looks great." Her chatter was grating on her own ears. She was nervous. It had occurred to her somewhere over Colorado that coming back on Thanksgiving was a bad idea and when wheels touched down at Andrews she was convinced of it, but by then it was too late to turn back. "I could use a shower and some sleep." She made brief eye contact and smiled awkwardly. "But all I have been thinking about for the last six hours is LEFTOVERS." Her laugh was forced. "The MREs 'served' on the flight were not worth the plastic they were made out of."

He smiled weakly in return. "I can imagine." Something was not right but he was not sure how WRONG it really was. Maybe she was just overtired. "So, hit the showers and I'll fix you a plate." He nodded toward the stairs. "I can't believe that you are here." It was good – tentatively good – to have her home. Maybe her nervousness was because they hadn't seen each other in months. It would take them a little bit to get back in the swing of things. "Go on." He shooed her out of the room.

Harm went to the kitchen and pulled out Tupperware of all shapes and sizes from the fridge. He would put together all her favorites and serve it to her. It had been another part of their tradition to wake up in the wee hours of the Friday after Thanksgiving and have leftovers in bed and then make love until dawn. She had missed the first part of the 'tradition' but she had made it for the last part. Harm didn't actually think they would get to the 'until dawn' bit, but he assumed that he would hold her as she slept. That would be enough.

SHE WAS HOME!

But …why?

What did it mean?

Had she changed her mind about them?

What if she had, what would it mean for a future for them?

Would he be expected to follow her to the other side of the world?

Would she quit?

Would they try a life with 17 time zones between them?

Did that have a chance in hell of working?

What about everything else … all the stated issues?

What about the unstated issues?

How many of those were there?

They both owned that their communication was never better, but was it really?

Had he really talked to her or she him about anything that was vital in making a marriage work?

Isn't that what really had gone wrong?

Was she ready to change that, to really open up and discuss the issues that led to their divorce?

Was he?

Regardless … those questions would not be answered in the next hour.

He went up to ask how hungry she really was – turkey and all the trimmings or just a sandwich and some pie. She was not in their bedroom. She was not in the shower. He found her in Mattie's room. Mac was sound asleep in her fatigues with her USMC sweats clutched to her chest. Her duffel was open and sitting on the edge of the bed, clothes spilling out of it. Her toiletries were spread out in Mattie's bathroom. He tried to wake her but it was not meant to be. Then the questions in his mind took off in a different direction:

What was she doing in Mattie's room?

Why hadn't she gone up to their room?

Was her nervous chatter caused by something other than tiredness?

Had she changed her mind about coming when it was too late to turn back?

Had she not changed her mind about them?

Then why come back for Thanksgiving … Thanksgiving – a holiday that was more important to them – as a couple – than their New Year's Eve anniversary and Valentine's Day rolled into one?

Had she really decided to fly all the way back to Washington and NOT expect be with him?

Not to expect that he would want to be with her?

Why had she come – really?

These were all questions he should not answer alone, but Harm was never one to ask for help.

He covered her with a blanket. He would have undressed her and put her under the covers – hell he would have carried her to their bed – but clearly he was not at liberty to do that anymore. He watched her for a moment as she slept. It seemed as if her mind was still spinning but her physical exhaustion forced a shut down of all large muscle groups. She looked unsettled, anxious and tense even in sleep. He had seen that look on her face, but not for many years. She was defensive. Then he asked the final question:

What was going on in her head and what was he supposed to do about it?

He put away the food, poured himself a glass of wine and climbed the stairs to his room. The house had been full of such joy and happiness hours earlier. Harm was actually in a good mood. He was at home – he missed her – but it was home. Now there was an uneasy feeling. The warmth that had filled the house less than an hour before had been chilled.

The first thing he noticed in the bedroom was that the fire had gone out. The log he had just put on didn't catch. He tried not to read too much into it but the symbolism was hard to deny. He turned out the light and slipped under the covers. Sleep would elude him – that was obvious – and he tried to warn himself that over thinking was something he should not do. Harm rarely took his own advice.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Mac woke hours later. The clock by Mattie's bed didn't register – AM? PM? Why so dark? That was not her clock. And finally … where was she? Slowly it came back to her. She was compelled to go back to Washington – to go home – in spite of the ridiculous travel requirements – requirements that military types face everyday – who would not jump through a hoop of fire or stay up for 30 hours just to get home particularly on a holiday?

In any event, she was home.

_**Where? **_

Home.

_**And home was Harm's house?**_

Hmmm … she hadn't thought of that house as 'hers' for many months … nearly a year.

_**Yet there she was … at home … only not. **_

Was it homesickness that drove her? Loneliness? Or the fact that Harm seemed to have made the day tolerable for him self without her and she wanted to get in on that? Or was it something else? Was it just an idea that she hadn't been able to shake – a mistake that she needed to correct? Regardless … she was home … for the moment, the how or why she had gotten there was not at issue and not up for discussion, but it would be.

Mac rolled over and hugged the blankets close. She had to ask herself, 'who are you fooling?' She shouldn't have come. She had made a mistake! It was selfish and wrong and Harm would have to pay for it.

Time would tell – when all was said and done – just how devastating and detrimental her actions would prove. She did not want to lose Harm in her life, but in all honesty what right did she have to keep him in? She had no intention of trying to get back together with him. That was not what had compelled her to come back. She had made the right decision about the divorce. It would allow him – and her – to move on with their lives. For Harm she hoped it would mean that he would find someone else to have children with – to give him a wife and a life that she could not. For herself? It would allow her to start fresh with someone with all the impediments clearly stated before it got to far. Of course talking nearly daily on the phone with him – knowing that he was still holding out hope for a reconciliation – was not really 'letting him go.' It was not helping either of them move on. Flying home for the holiday – a holiday that had meant so much to them as a couple - would surely send the wrong message.

Her only excuse – which was not in anyway a defense – was that she was homesick. She was alone and lonely and scared that she was losing everything that she had in life. She needed to know, she needed to be sure. She got her answer. Harm's unquestioning acceptance of her at his door was enough to answer her questions. Well ONE question. Where was home? The answer was simple. Harm was home – the only place that ever felt like home or what she imagined a home should feel like. There was a 'but' - a big HUGE 'but'. Harm was home but was it a home she deserved or even wanted any more? No. She didn't deserve it, she hadn't earned it and quite frankly she didn't want it. It hurt to look at him and to know all the things they could not have. It was time for her to find a new home.

There would be no more sleep for her. She got up to forage for food. In the fridge she found that Harm had left her a sandwich. She took it and a slice of pie into the living room and slumped down into the window seat wrapping the big afghan that they had purchased at a little shop in Virginia Beach on Christmas. The house was still. The wee hours were always her favorite part of the day, even if that meant she was dead tired at 1500. She felt safe and protected in that house at that hour – the worries of the world were not weighing on her shoulders – the past was behind her and the future was hours away. She let herself enjoy the moment. There were a lot of good memories in that house. That was the seat where Harm proposed to her. The window looked out onto the little flower garden that she had planted that first spring – it was covered with snow. She wondered if Harm would replant after the thaw; that had always been her responsibility.

"Are you warm enough?" His gentle voice cut through the darkness.

"Hi." She turned to try to see him. "Did I wake you?"

"I wasn't sleeping." He owned. He turned up the heat a little and sat down on the far corner of the couch.

"I can't believe I'm awake." She tried to chat casually. "I think my stomach woke me up."

"You find everything OK?"

"Yeah." She nodded with a mouthful of sandwich. "This is great … best meal I have had in months. Thanks."

Harm let the silence fill the room. Mac looked back outside.

Harm couldn't take it anymore. "Why are you here?" He asked directly.

Mac felt the defensive part of her take over. "I was invited." She said.

"Yes you were … and don't get me wrong … it is great to have you home." He paused. "Or is it just back?"

She looked back out the window not wanting to answer that.

"How long can you stay?" He asked when he was sure she wasn't going to respond to his previous question.

"I leave tomorrow – Saturday – at 0600."

Again an uncomfortable silence filled the room for a long moment.

Harm exhaled and asked again, "So why are you here?"

She looked back at him. She could see through that darkness that he was hurt and she didn't want to hurt him any more. "I don't know." That was as truthful as she could get.

"Mac?"

"It's not what you are thinking." She said evenly.

"And what am I thinking?" He tossed back at her.

"Harm … you are very important to me … but … " She lost her voice.

"But you still don't want to be married to me." He stated for her since she was unable to say it aloud.

"We weren't good together." She defended.

"I can't agree with that." He said quickly.

"You were happy?" She pressed her point.

"I wasn't unhappy … I thought we lost of little of what he had, but ..."

She snorted a laugh as if saying 'ya think?'

"Fine we lost A LOT of what we had … but I don't think it was ruined … I just think we stopped trying."

She looked away.

"And it's not what you think, Mac.'

"Oh?" She turned back to him. "What am I thinking?"

"You think our marriage failed because we couldn't get pregnant."

His bluntness was a rude awakening for her. He hadn't spoken that bluntly in the last year or more of their marriage, in fact he pretty much didn't confront her at all even during the divorce.

"Mac?"

"You mean I couldn't get pregnant."

"It takes two --."

"And a team of doctors and fertility treatments." The pain in her voice hurt her own ears. "Apparently not good enough."

"Ya, know what Mac." He leaned forward. "A baby was never the deal breaker for me."

"Would we ever have gotten together if it weren't for that -?"

"You mention that stupid deal we made and I am going to lose it."

"You said it yourself, Harm."

"What?" He could feel the fight back in him. "What did I say?"

"You said that our relationship started our of necessity rather than love."

"When the hell did I say that?" He didn't remember.

"In the doctor's office … when we got the results of the laparoscopy."

"I don't remember saying that." He said. "I don't remember thinking that." He lied. "You remember it that way because it fits your agenda."

"My agenda? MY agenda." Now she was annoyed. "Harm, who was the one who wanted to get pregnant right away? Huh? Who was the one who had to be convinced to wait?" She turned away. "In hind sight, you were probably right."

"What does that mean?" He pushed.

"It means." She fired back at him. "If we had waited to get married until I got pregnant than we never would have and there never would have been a need for a divorce or a house or --." She lost her train of thought. She wanted to point out that she never would have gotten her hopes up and then she never would have been disappointed.

He stood up. "You know what I don't get … I don't get why a marriage … a relationship is not enough for you? Why do you have to hinge everything on a baby … a biological baby?"

"Excuse me?"

"The first time you showed any kind of anything to me was the day AJ was born … you have always equated happiness in life with a baby."

"Is that so wrong?"

"No … but from where you came from it just doesn't make sense to me."

"From where I came from?"

"Your parents had a kid … were they happy?"

"That's unfair."

"Life is unfair Mac … and you know what? … We can't have kids – and that is unfair too." He stated.

"I can't." She corrected. "I can't have kids … nothing says that you can't."

"And nothing says we couldn't have adopted." He pointed out. He was sick of the fight – it was ridiculous – even though they never actually had it before. "You're crazy if you think that all I wanted from our marriage was a couple of kids with Rabb DNA … it was NEVER what a I wanted."

"Who do you think you're kidding, Harm?" She put her hand up. "I know you better than that."

"Is that really what you think?" He smirked. "You divorced me so I could what … find a proper breeder?"

"Stop it."

"Not on a bet." He smirked. "I will never get married again … been there, done that, got the t-shirt and no need to put myself through that again."

"Go to hell, Harm."

He studied her. "Tell me … is that why?"

"Why what?"

"Is that really why you divorced me … some grand gesture of sacrifice for my happiness?" He shook his head. "You never even asked me if I cared one way or the other. If you had I would have told you."

"It was what we both wanted."

"The divorce?"

"A baby."

"I won't own that." He stated clearly. "Have to put that shit in your column not mine."

He was being a jerk and she was going to let him have it. "Do you really want to know why I divorced you … it won't come as a surprise."

"Go on."

"I divorced you because I didn't recognize you anymore." She laughed. "Funny … This is the you I remember … the you before we got married … hell this is the you that made that damn baby deal."

"What does that mean?"

"Harm you always were an arrogant jerk … selfish, self-center and condescending. But almost from the moment we said 'I do' … I had no idea who you were any more." She leaned back. "You didn't have an opinion, you didn't have and agenda, you were completely flat."

"That's what you wanted."

"No … no, it's not … I never wanted that … I wanted compromise, discussion and input and what I got was:" Her voice got soft and sticky. "'I am there for you Mac.' 'I will support your every decision, Sarah.'" She shook her head in disgust. "Please."

"What the hell did you want from me?" He defended.

"I wanted the man I married … the man I knew for nearly a decade … the man who would go to the ends of the earth for something he wanted … regardless of the consequences … not some damn cardboard cut out." She ran her hands through her hair. "You used to be the kind of man who would buck ever system and jump every hurdle for something you wanted … for anything you wanted … except me … never for me."

"I jumped and bucked plenty for you Mac."

"Not when it mattered … when it finally mattered … you were not there." She looked down. "That was probably my fault too."

That comment struck him. He was so sick and tired of her 'taking all the blame' and wearing it like a badge of disgrace as if in the end he really had no impact on their marriage at all. "Ok … let me get this straight … you thought I was a jerk before we got married and after you thought I was flat … am I right?"

"A little simplistic."

"So again I ask … what the hell brought you across 17 times zones to be with me on Thanksgiving … and don't say you came for the food."

The fight went completely out of her as if a balloon had popped. She was near tears party because of the discussion and partly due to how physically exhausted she was. "Because … because … because when it was good between us it was great … and I really miss that."

Harm backed off too. He sat back down on the couch. "It was great." He readily admitted.

They sat in silence for a moment. The sun was cresting the trees.

"Mac … we can have it back … we didn't ruin anything." He really tried to believe that.

"Harm."

"Mac … please."

"No, Harm." She was not sure why it was 'no' but she knew that it was.

He nodded and spoke gently. "The one thing I will never understand is why you give up so easily."

"Believe me when I say it wasn't easy."

"It sure looks that way from where I am sitting."

"You didn't do anything to stop it." She reminded him.

"I am now."

She shook her head. "We had our chance and we let it slip through our fingers."

"And you blame yourself for that … for us not being able to have a baby."

She shrugged to show that she did believe that.

"A lot more happened in those two and a half years than that Mac." He said gently. "And you should not take all the blame on yourself … there were two people in that marriage and both of us let it slip away from us and for my part I am sorry … so damn sorry."

She shook her head. It was nice that he thought that and honestly if he had let her take all the blame she would have shoved some of it back on him.

"There is just one difference between us, Mac." He continued. "It has always been this way … actually two … you want to cut your losses and run away and I want to stick with it and ride it out."

"Harm." She whined.

"And the other thing is that you never truly believed that you deserved happiness in life … and you do Mac … you deserve it more an anyone I know."

"Harm." She shook her head; the tears were welling up again.

"I wish I had been the one to give that to you." He truly felt how much he had let her down. It pained him. "It's all right, Mac." He said sadly. It wasn't. It was the furthest thing from 'all right' but he would not debate her on the differences in their core characters. It was a futile fight. "I get it now. I understand. I don't have to like it but I will have to accept it."

"Harm please."

"Look." He stood up. "I am going go to the gym and do some other stuff and you need some more sleep." He stepped toward the door. "I'll see you late this afternoon … we can have a proper dinner and catch up before you have to head back." He smiled weakly at her. "Mi casa, es su casa." With that he was gone.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Mac woke to the sound of the answering machine and Gate's voice:

"Your Rang ... Harm ... HEY RABB ... PICK UP ... You called me son ... Ok Fine ... I'll call your cell ... where the hell are you? ... You should be home with your feet up eating cold mashed potatoes out of Tupperware in your underwear watching the **_Law and Order_** marathon ... how's that for a visual ... Ok ... if I miss you … hit me back on the cell … Ciao."

Mac rolled back over and covered her face with the pillow to block out the sunlight. Her last thought before drifting back to sleep was 'when did Gates get so chummy with Harm?'

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Friday After Thanksgiving Day – 2007 Route 66 Headed Toward Bryce Mountain**

Harm's cell rang. He checked the caller ID to see if it was coming from his house.

"Gates." He forced himself to sound up.

"Rabb …what's up?" She could tell he was a little off. "Where the hell are you … the connection sucks?"

"On my way to Bryce to pick up Mattie."

"Something wrong?"

"No … got a little surprise for you at the house."

"Your house?"

"Yeah … you up for leftovers tonight?" He asked. He was planning a little party and Mac as the guest of honor. It was not really FOR Mac it was FOR himself. With other people in the house they wouldn't be obliged to take again – to beat the proverbial dead horse.

"AJ is out of town … but I'm free."

"Good. Say around 6."

"So what's the surprise?"

"A mystery guest."

"Mac is back?" She shouted. "That bitch … and she didn't call me."

"She got in after midnight and when I left this morning she was sound a sleep." He lied.

"Not for long … time to drag that girl's butt out of bed."

Harm smiled. It was not that he didn't want Mac to get her rest but it was the only thing he could think of that would salvage the rest of her time home.

"She back for good?" Gates asked.

"Leaves tomorrow – 0600."

"Then she definitely is not sleeping." Gates announced and then her voice changed … softened in the Madden fashion. "You OK?"

"Great." He was so NOT great it was thinly veiled in his voice.

"Yeah right … She OK?"

"Mac is Mac … she will always be OK."

"Yeah … that." She paused. "And you two?"

"Nothing has changed … she came for dinner."

Gates was now a little annoyed at her friend. "You OK with that?"

"Gates you are cutting out." He again lied.

"Fine …" She would tag him on that subject later. "What else you need for dinner … dessert … I am good at bringing dessert … catch you later." She hung up without letting Harm answer.

Step two was now in the works and he was already doing step one: bringing Mattie home. It would mean he would have to drive her back to the mountain the next day, but it was worth it and it was the right thing to do.

Harm thought back on their last Thanksgiving.

**f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**Thanksgiving - 2006**

Things were very strained between them heading in to the holiday. Mac had buried herself at work and he hated his. It was like running into walls all day long. Why did he stay? He was married, his wife worked in Washington and he wanted to stay with her. Not to mention that the group was getting some major lip service. They were being told and being touted in the press as being the eyes and ears to the Homeland security division. It was helping his reputation even if none of it was true. Webb had lasted less than a month and three other members were rotated out. Harm stayed. He tried to rock the boat, but when he came up against a little resistance and it was suggested that he could be reassigned – OUT of Washington, he sat down and took it like the good dog he was.

November was about six months after Mac had called a halt to all the fertility treatments and Harm was thinking that it was about time that they start seriously discussing other options. Adoption was his first choice but there was also surrogacy and he was sure there were others. He would find the right time over the four days to start the discussion. That was his plan.

The plans were altered when he arrived home on Wednesday night. Mac was in full Martha Stewart mode. She and Mattie had taken the day off and spent it cooking and preparing for the holiday. Harm had thought they were going to the Roberts. He was home less than an hour when Mattie announce that she was headed over to a friend's to work on a project but promised to be home early enough to put the turkey in the oven the next day.

"Mattie is spending the night with a friend?" He whispered in Mac's ear.

A sly smile crept across her face. "Oh yeah." She leaned up and kissed him on the jaw. "We have the entire house to ourselves."

"We do, huh?"

"Too bad only one room is gonna get used." She took him by the hand and led him upstairs. She didn't even let him get the fire started before she pushed him down on the bed. "I love Thanksgiving … and you know what?" She was unbuttoning his shirt.

"What?" He was relaxing into an old familiarity they hadn't shared in a long time. It was invigorating and empowering. He felt strong for the first time in a long time.

"I love you … I think this is perfect … just you and me and no one else … Mattie will be going off to college and it will be just the two of us … that is all we have ever needed."

Harm didn't get what she meant right away. He had something more pressing on his mind. But she repeated her sentiment in every possible way and some that shouldn't be repeated in polite company all night long. They reconnect as a couple that night - at least physically. He was encouraged. Mac seemed to finally be taking back the control she thought she had lost. If she could, then he could. By morning it had dawned on him what she was really saying. She was saying that she had given up on the idea of children all together. He didn't quite believe her but waited to bring it up until their Friday morning ritual.

"So, Sarah … you are really good with just us?"

"I am." She tried to own. "I think we should do more traveling …you know for pleasure and to some exotic locals."

"Downtown Baghdad is not exotic enough for you?"

"No." She laughed. "We both have a lot of days on the books. I think we should use them. And we need to get this house finished."

That was one sticking point between them. Harm a lost his humph for work and for the house and that affected the marriage. "Yes … I do."

"I'll help … I think it should be a project that we finish together." She kissed him. "I like getting dirty with you."

The leftovers were forgotten and the discussion put on hold again. Harm forced himself to believe that she meant what she said. He was not sure if he agreed, but she seemed happy for the first time in a very long time and they were again enjoying each others company in some very old fashioned ways. He was encouraged.

"I love you Sarah … and as long as I have you … I have everything I could ever want." That he was sure of. That was something he would stand behind until the day he died. He didn't need kids or a house or a career – he needed her. He believed that in the very core of his being. Too bad it wasn't true.

**e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Friday After Thanksgiving Day – 2007 - Noonish****  
Rabb Residence****  
Swink's Mill and Georgetown Pike  
McLean, Virginia**

Mac sat up in bed with a start. Someone was in the house.

"MACKAY!" Gates' voice echoed.

Mac lay back down. She was too tired to deal with Gates.

"Mac … Yo LADY JANE!" Gates ran upstairs.

Mac knew she had to get up. Four hours is better than NO hours when it comes to sleep. She stumbled out of the bedroom and nearly ran into Gates as she was coming down the stairs.

"Mac … girlfriend." Gates wrapped her up in her arms and hugged her roughly. "Damn girl … you look like shit."

"Sleeping." Mac said grumpily.

"Awake now." She smiled. "Or you soon will be … go brush your teeth, throw some water on your face and do something with that rat's nest and I'll make some coffee."

Mac nodded and turned to trudge back in to Mattie's room.

"Wait … stop right there … Mattie's room?" Gates questioned.

"Don't Gates." She warned and leaned against the doorframe.

"You came all the way back here on Thanksgiving … your damn Valentine's Day … to be with your EX-husband and you are even sleeping with him?"

"Gates … we are divorced."

"Damn girl … there is something seriously wrong with you."

"Can this wait until I can see out of both eyes." Mac stated.

"You best have some answers that make sense." Gates went to the kitchen.

'Thanks a lot Harm.' Mac said under her breath. Gates was her best friend, but she had always been an advocate for the marriage though Mac never really understood why. Gates and Harm could barely stand each other. Though it brought up the question that she had hours ago. When did Harm and Gates get so friendly?

* * *

End Chapter Three – Maybe this time Gates can knock some sense in to Mac and Harm. - TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: **Letting the Days Go By  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Four  
Written: Fall 2005**  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew, creators or characters. With love and thanks.**

* * *

Fair Warning … this is an ALL GATES, ALL THE TIME kind of chapter … if you don't like her … well what can I say … keep it to yourself, she has USE in this story – and you may want to wait until the next one is posted.

* * *

**Letting The Days Go By**  
**Chapter Four****  
0623 EST - Saturday  
Andrews Air Force Base**

Mac strapped herself in, his parting words whispered just loud enough for her to hear echoed in her ears: "Be happy." Those two words were coupled with a stiff, short-lived embrace – as expected – but his voice was a tone she hadn't heard before – at least not that she could remember. It was sincere and even with no hidden agenda.

Her response was to say "you too" before his comment had even registered. That was not what she was expecting him to say. She was expecting him to say 'take care' or some such rhetoric that people say to someone who is departing. If she had known he was going to be … poignant … she would have said something else – something poignant – back to him. Even after it was all over she couldn't think of what … what response could she have had to his 'BE HAPPY'? But it should have been more profound than 'you too'.

He meant it. It was a request, not an order. She took a final look back at him standing with Mattie before she climbed aboard. He looked different. He wasn't sad or annoyed. He looked resolved. Had he finally let her go?

She shook it off and leaned back in her seat. Gates' parting words came back to her. 'You're an idiot … and if you don't get your shit together --- FAST --- you will lose the everything that you that you worked so hard for.'

"Oh Gates." She mumbled softly but the two airmen and the PFC seated near her heard.

The whole experience with Gates was infuriating. Gates could get an idea stuck in her craw and no one and nothing was going to get it unstuck.

CUT BACK to Friday Mid-Morning 

"You best have some answers that make sense." Gates had warned before Mac had a chance to meet the day.

Mac had less than five minutes before Gates would be down her throat again. She decided to meet her with the best offense she could muster.

"So when did you and Harm get so chummy." Mac demanded when she entered the kitchen.

Gates shrugged. "I guess it was after we started sleeping together … you know he is more talented with those hips than I thought he would be … tall men are typically uncoordinated … not him … the man know how to use his height to his best advantage - well MY best advantage … and I typically don't like tall men." She put coffee down in front of her. "But I guess I don't have to tell you … well REMIND you of that."

Mac's had no idea what to say. She didn't believe it but it was still startling to hear it.

"Please … Mac … don't bother me with stupid questions." She wrote the whole previous piece of dialogue off. "Riddle me this Batwoman … why the hell would anyone fly 20+ hours to sleep in the guest room."

"It's not that simple." Mac defended.

"Actually it is that simple … you're the one making it complicated."

"Fine." Mac was exasperated. "What do you want me to say?"

"That you screwed up."

"OK … OK fine … I screwed up."

"Score one for my side." Gates laughed. "Would like to say that that was your first mistake, but I think we are into double digits now … and I am only counting the stuff I can remember."

"Gates." Mac warned. "It's not going to change anything."

"That is another WRONG assumption."

"Stop." Mac stated clearly. "Fine … you're right … I never should have come back."

"Wrong again, girlfriend." Gates sat down next to her. "You never should have left."

"Oh God … not this again." Mac started to get up but Gates put her hand on her arm.

"Look baby, I'm on your side."

"Doesn't feel that way." Mac moved to the living room.

Gates followed. "So … tell me one thing … do you love him?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has a lot to do with a lot of things … why you married him … why you divorced him … why you came back and slept in the guest room." Gates paused. "So … do you love him?"

"I am not playing this game with you Gates … I have less than 24 hours … can't we talk about something else?"

"Sure … fine … How's work? What's the weather like? Do you like your house? Meet anyone? Dating anyone? Sleeping with anyone?"

Mac shook her head and pulled the afghan around her shoulders. "Work is fine. Weather is good. House is … military issue." She turned to look outside.

"That's it?"

"That's all I am saying." She looked like she was about to cry.

Gates exhaled a deep breath and sat down on the window seat with her. "OK … I'll stop."

"I'd appreciate that."

"I just want you to be happy … I want you to let yourself be happy … I love you."

Mac turned to face her. "I know you do … so you have to understand … I wasn't happy with him. I had to move on."

Gates smiled sadly. "You may not have been happy with him … but you're miserable now." She reached out and took Mac's hand. "And at the risk of going all touchy-feely … you won't find happiness externally … it has to come from you."

"That's what I am trying to do, Gates." She sat up. "I am trying to make a life for myself."

Gates shook her head. "I know you think that … but baby all you really succeeded in doing is running away."

"Not true."

"Have you discovered yet that all the shit you ran away from is still with you?" She looked sincere. "You may not have unpacked it yet, but it's still there."

Mac let a few tears fall. "Not everything."

"Oh baby." Gates pulled her into an embrace. "What?"

"I don't see the disappointment in his eyes every time he looks at me."

"I think you are projecting that, honey." She held her tighter. "Rabb has plenty to be disappointed about that has nothing to do with you."

Mac pulled away. "How do you know him so well?"

"We've talked." Gates said simply?

"You and Harm."

"Yeah."

"You didn't tell me."

"None of your business."

"You're talking to my husband and it's none of my business."

"I talk to you and it is none of his." She smiled. "And we are not TALKING …we HAVE TALKED … and may TALK again."

"So how often?" Mac was completely taken aback by the fact that Gates and Harm had developed a friendship.

"Occasionally … I don't know … we travel in the same circles … I see him around … We have someone in common … someone we both love."

"It's more than that." Mac pressed.

"A couple of times I gave him some good advice." She admitted. "Which he didn't take." She added under her breath.

"About me?"

"No, about paper or plastic." She laughed. "Of course it was about you."

"What did you tell him?"

"The same thing I tell you … you're an idiot."

Mac laughed. "That is hardly helpful."

"Yeah I know." She groaned. "Guess I need to be more specific."

"So have you **_been talking_** while I have been gone?" She was digging for more information.

Gates thought about it. "Actually … no."

"No?"

"No … since you left we have run into each other a couple of times at functions … dinner with AJ … I don't know … around." She got that mock 'covert' look in her eye. "But we haven't spoken 'privately' in a very long time."

"So all this happened when I was living with you." She thought again. "Before I left?"

Gates shrugged.

"And I never knew?"

At that Gates laughed. "Do you honestly think because you live with someone you know all that is going on with her … or him?"

Mac sat back. "Point taken."

They were quiet for a moment. Then Gates gently started back in. "Do you really think that Harm looks at you with disappointment?"

She nodded slightly.

"Could it be something you …"

"Projected?" Mac offered.

"It happens."

Mac leaned her head back against the window. "Yeah … I was disappointed … I was devastated … I never really believed that it wouldn't happen … I just ignored the facts … the percentages … pretended like they didn't apply to me."

"You referring to having a baby?"

"Or lack thereof." Mac corrected. "Yeah." Even Mac felt like she was beating a dead horse, but she just couldn't let it go.

"Honey … if kids is all you want … then go get some …I know I guy in South DC who can get them for you wholesale." She smiled.

"It's not funny Gates."

"No it isn't." She agreed. "You wrecked a life that took years to build over something that you couldn't control." She shook her head. "I take that back … you could control it … you could have made different choices."

Mac shook her head.

"What are you going to find anywhere else that you didn't have here?" She asked.

"A fresh start."

"Baby … you know you can't do that … you can't reinvent yourself … you're history is yours … it has made you who you are."

"And I don't like that very much."

"That?" Gates needed clarification.

"Her … me … who I was … who I am … I needed a fresh start."

"Is that why you came back here on the first holiday that came along?" She asked pointedly. "You came back to help your FRESH START? Is that why you talk to him three times a week – or more - …"

"How do you know that?" Mac defended.

"You told me." She pushed it back on Mac. "Did you come back here looking for --."

"Closure?" Mac quickly interjected.

"I don't see you closing any doors, doll. Not even sleeping in the guest room will do that."

Mac relented. It was useless to fight with Gates. "I was lonely … OK? I was homesick. I wasn't thinking straight."

"Yeah … well … we have established that it was a mistake … but I am still not clear on which part."

"Gates … please."

"Honey, were you looking for a safe way to get back?" She cocked her head. "Put the ball in his court and make him make the decision for you."

"No."

"If he had swept you up in his arms – against your protestations – and took you upstairs and told you that you weren't leaving and showed you why … is that what you wanted? Do you want him to pull a Rhett Butler on you?"

"No … No." Mac hated that idea. "I don't want that at all."

Gates laughed. "Damn … I do … not with Rabb of course …but I could do Clark Gable."

"He's dead."

"Too bad." She got serious again. "Do you need him to fight for you?"

"Harm doesn't do that … he never has … he never will … that is not who he is with me."

"Maybe because you fight so hard back." Gates offered.

"What?"

"Honey … in the man-woman chase game … if the chasee wants to get caught … she needs to let the chaser get close enough to catch her."

Mac didn't like that idea either. "I am not playing a game here Gates … I am not play hard to get."

Gates leaned back and scanned her up and down. "Can I float a theory out there that I have been working on?"

"A theory … about me?"

"Naturally." Gates didn't wait for Mac's permission. "I don't think you left Rabb at all … I think you were trying to leave yourself … I think you were so disappointed with yourself that you had to cut yourself off from everyone and everything that had value in your life including your job, your home, your husband (who I will grant you turned a little Walter Mitty but I have seen worse – hell I have been married to worse), your friends, your family … I mean you left little AJ Roberts. When was the last time you spoke to him?"

Mac eyes filled with tears. "Thank you Dr. Madden … be sure to send me a bill for this very in-depth and therapeutic analysis."

"Furthering my theory is that you got away for a while, found you were good at your job, that people liked you, and you had worth and value once again … so you came back … hoping that your old life was waiting for you … but when you got here you found that you had wrecked it before you left and were too embarrassed to ask for help to put it back together."

"Gates … stop." Mac protested. "Okinawa was a career move for me."

"What happened honey?" She asked sincerely. "Why did you divorce him so fast? What made you want to get away as far and as fast as you could?"

Mac was too tired to deny it any more. "I wanted … I needed … I thought …" She looked at her though tear stained eyes. "Damn you."

"You can damn me all you want, honey. I will always love you."

Mac let it out. "I thought that I would finally be connected to another living soul in the most profound way two people can be connected." She said awkwardly.

"You thought marriage would to that?" Gates was confused.

"I thought a baby would do that … I wanted to have a baby … to feel it grow inside of me … to bring it to life, to nurse it, care for it, to love it that way only a mother loves a child." She broke down in tears.

Gates wrapped her arms around her and let her cry. She knew about the bond between mother and child … but in her case it was not as profound as Mac had romanticized it to be. Gates wondered about all the other mothers in the world. Gates and her mother never really bonded, and God knows Mac and her mother were not 'connected souls'. But there had to be something that all the books and TV were talking about – unless it was all hype to facilitate the procreation of the species. It might have been different for Mac. Maybe Mac was born to be a mother. Mac had always wanted a baby and Gates didn't understand that at 18 but some 20 years later it was making a lot of sense. She was trying to create the home and family she didn't have as a child. It made more sense why Mac would 'go with any many who asked' over the years, she was hoping that it would lead to a pregnancy and a baby and that elusive connection she had fantasized about.

Now Gates understood why Mac would need to get away. Mac had finally gotten close to having what she had always wanted. Harm was the facilitator of that. But when they failed, when it became clear that she was not going to be able to create a life, Mac was forced to give up her dream, one that she had held on to since she was old enough to have those kinds of dreams. Her life with Harm was a constant reminded of what she could never have. Their 'romantic' relationship had technically not started until five years after making that baby deal, but the baby deal had locked them in. He was not her back up plan; he was to be her hero, the white knight that would swoop in and save the day. But the hero was not able to slay the dragon or save the damsel in distress. Through no conscious fault of his own, Harm had let her down. Hell, he probably didn't even know or understand the gravity of his failure. Mac probably didn't even admit this need to give birth to her own child to herself until it was too late. Adopting and surrogacy were just not options. The fact that he never pushed that agenda probably meant to Mac that he was just as disappointed as she was.

Yes it all made a little bit more sense now. However, life's a bitch, you don't always get what you want, and sometimes when you do – it isn't all it is cracked up to be. So Mac was acting out, stamping her feet like a child. She was allowed. But she was not allowed to throw the baby out with the bathwater – oops, sorry, bad analogy. At any rate, she should not have been allowed (nor should she have allowed herself) to throw everything that was good away because she didn't get everything she wanted.

Mac pulled away from her quickly and wiped at her eyes. "Harm's back."

Gates hadn't heard the car pull up. "He'll have Mattie with him."

Mac stood immediately. "Mattie? … oh I can't do this." She looked worried.

"Go take a shower … collect yourself … you'll be fine."

Mac would eventually get past her disappointment but the real question was now – who would be there for her when she did? Was Rabb really the right man for her? She was right, he didn't fight for their relationship in fact he pretty much rolled over and let whatever was going to happen happen. 'Well' she thought to herself. "If they belong together and are 'meant to be' then they will find their way back to each other.' She laughed out loud. "Who are you kidding, girl." She said to herself. "These two couldn't find each other with a map, a compass and a GPS. Good thing I don't mind being a busy body."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Sunday Early Evening – After Thanksgiving Day – 2007****  
Rabb Residence****  
Swink's Mill and Georgetown Pike****  
McLean, Virginia**

Harm was working on a brief. He had been working on it for two days and he was quite impressed with his own work. He was good at being a lawyer. He was a better lawyer than he was a pilot and whatever the hell he was doing with the interagency task force. He hadn't flown in two years – not SARAH and not for his quals. He let is designator slide. If they called him up, he would pick it back up just like riding a bicycle, but it just didn't hold any interest for him any more. A lot of what Harm thought was important for most of his life wasn't important any more.

Mac and he made polite conversation for the remainder of her time there. Other people helped to make it an easy. She had offered to help do the dishes, but wound up doing them with Mattie. He had excused himself early complaining about being tired (and he was) and went up to bed leaving Mattie, Mac and Gates to chat. He had slept well and never expected her to approach him – which she didn't. The next morning he was clear that it was over and that he had to decide to let the whole mess go. He loved her, he always would – but she needed something different from what he had to offer. He would have to live with that.

Mac had called after she had landed; she thanked him for his hospitality and returned his wish for happiness for both of them. He was there but didn't pick up. He would get past it – get past her – he was resolved.

His cell phone pulled him away from his work. "Gates?"

"Rabb … why don't we go out for the biggest steak dinner in town."

"Cause I don't eat steak." Her approach always made him smile. She was relentless and could be a major pain in the ass, but he appreciated her directness.

"Then I suggest you order fish … or a salad … come on … I will be ready in 30 minutes … don't be late."

Harm had picked her up in 45 and they had ordered their first glass of wine at Sam and Harry's 30 minutes later.

Harm cut her off at the pass. "Before you say anything … before you start meddling … hear what I have to say."

She leaned back. "Go on."

"I am OK … Mac is OK … the world will keep on spinning and everything will be fine … We tried it … it didn't work … there is enough blame to go around … in the end … I am glad that she feels that I am still her friend … that she can show up on my doorstep and know that I will take her in … I know she knows that if she ever needs me, I will be there … we love each other, it wasn't enough and we let each other go … so nothing you say or do is going to change that."

She didn't say anything.

"Ok?"

She took a thoughtful sip from her glass and then asked, "You through?"

There was more to say but he would wait and see what Gates had to say. "Yeah."

"You ever see **_Gone With The Wind_**, Rabb?"

"What?"

"Have you ever seen **_Gone With The Wind_** … Scarlett O'Hara? Rhett Butler? Tara? '_As God as my witness I'll never be hungry again'_?" No response. "_I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies'_? You know … **_Gone With The Wind_**."

He was amused. Gates could usually amuse him. Too bad he was usually amused AT her rather than WITH her. "Maybe … I don't know."

"Never mind." Gates hated that movie and that tactic wasn't going to work anyway. Harm was no Rhett and Mac was much smarter than Scarlett. "I just want to ask you why you didn't fight harder to keep Mac?"

"Excuse me?" Sometimes her bluntness still took him off guard.

"Let's face it Rabb … since the day you left JAG she pretty much called all the shots … hell in fact since the day you met … she called all the shots … you were ornery and pissy … but if she had said 'let's go,' you would have gone … in a heartbeat … why did you let her do that?"

"I am not sure what you are asking?"

"You're the hero Harm … the protagonist in your story … you went after your father, flying … hell you even went on to become a tenacious lawyer when you thought you couldn't fly anymore … you have gone after and gotten everything you have wanted in life … why not with women? Why not with Mac?"

He still was at a loss for words.

"Seriously … I want to know … I don't even have a theory … why is it that you won't fight for the woman you want? I am sure Freud would have something to say and would incite the Oedipus doctrine … mother lover/father hater … but I am no Freudian."

"I am not sure how to respond to that?'

"You were well over 40 before you were even close to getting married … was Mac just a logical choice … I understand she was the only woman you ever asked … and why is that? … I mean seriously … I don't get it … were all the women you picked so unattainable or were they just ones that would get you though the night … what made Mac so different? Why her? And why did you let her go once you had finally gone so far as to marry her?"

Harm whole stature turned defensive. "Mac was ---."

"Don't you dare put this on her … I am not asking for what she did or didn't do … I know your history … from her and from you … mostly her … and I have heard all your stories so many times they feel like reruns I have seen a hundred times." She didn't laugh. She wasn't kidding. "So tell me why a man who would risk his life to save a woman he loved would step back and watch her walk off with another man – hell you didn't step back you shoved her into his arms." She stated clearly. "Tell me why a man who finally had the woman he wanted … waited for … why would he let her go because that was what she SAID she wanted."

"I can't answer that." He said after a moment of reflection.

"You can't …" She started to repeat his comment. "You know I am a shrink and I can't figure it out … yeah, yeah … I can do that whole abandonment issue – and that goes for both of you – but I just don't get how you can let her leave."

"I had no choice … When Mac sets her mind to something --."

"Did you even challenge her? Did you fight with her … did you call her on her shit?"

"Yes."

"Yes?" She asked back.

"Yes … I did … but when Mac sets her mind to something it is very difficult to change."

"Is that why you waited for her all those years?"

"Maybe."

"You just stood around on the outskirts waiting for her to change her mind."

"It wasn't quite like that." He stated, but it actually was.

"You let her get hooked up with Brumby."

"Hey." he defended. "She was well into that before I was sure that I loved her."

"But when you were sure … you would have watched her marry that guy … Jesus Christ Harm … do you have any testosterone at all?"

"Gates." He looked around to see who was listening.

"Look … I am not advocating that you chase her down now … frankly I think it's too late." She had practiced that lie over and over and she felt her delivery was perfect. "I think you were given a golden opportunity in the last couple of days and you squandered that too."

"Opportunity?"

"Personally I am beginning to think that Mac is better without you."

"What opportunity?"

"She came back Rabb … she came back to you on Thanksgiving … she didn't come to see anyone else … she would never have called me … or the Roberts or even Mattie. And God knows she didn't come back for they oyster stuffing – which was to die for I might add. She came back to for you … to see you … and again … you did nothing to keep her."

"What was I supposed to say to her?" He asked.

"You shouldn't have said anything at all … she didn't come back for words. She could have gotten lip service on the phone." She realized what she said and how it could be read in two ways. "You know what I mean … she came back for a different kind of lip service."

"That is not the impression I got … what I got was that she was stringing me along … making sure that I didn't get too far away." He thought again. "And that she had changed her mind about coming when it was too late to turn back."

"Men." Gates shook her head. "If you weren't so necessary you would be totally useless."

"What does that mean?"

"Have you ever made a mistake and not known how to get out of it?"

He shrugged. The answer should have been 'more times than I can count'.

"Isn't it always nice when someone – I don't know, say some who loves you – helps you out of that jam without asking too many questions and without ramming it down your throat that you screwed up?"

Harm had to smile at that. When had Gates ever done anything to help anyone that she didn't ram it down their throats that they had screwed up? "So what the hell should I have done, Gates?"

"You are seriously asking me?"

"Yes." He stated clearly. "You say I should fight for her … fight for the relationship … what does that mean - exactly? Does it mean that I should ignore what she says to me? Pretend that what she states as her feelings, are not really hers? Assume that she is lying or playing some stupid game?" He shook his head. "I have more respect for Mac than that. She has more respect for herself than to play games."

"Did you tell her how YOU feel … what you want … what your needs are … what your hopes for the future would be like?"

"Yes."

"Did you? Did you really?" She leaned in. "Did you really make her understand how important she was to you?"

At that Harm sat back. He had to ask himself how important Mac was to him. She had been just out of reach for the first 8 years but she was never far away … then came the first part of their relationship (which was good – great), and then came the marriage. Harm was so out of his element in both his work life and his home life it was surreal – the house was a wreck, work was long hours with nearly nothing to show for it, Mac worked harder and harder and the whole baby fiasco was overshadowing everything. He couldn't make a right decision for himself without it affecting Mac and their marriage – at least that was how he saw it. Mac was constantly disappointed. So was he. It seemed like the norm or a phase or something that they would grow out of. But honestly when Mac said she was moving out, it was a relief. He had barely enough to get through the day as it was, at least he wouldn't have her disappointment to shoulder. He knew he had failed her, but he wasn't entirely sure how. And he had no idea how to fix it. He never actually thought it was over, he always suspected that they just needed a little break. Even when she told him about going to Okinawa, he thought that the break would just be a little longer. It wasn't until the night she showed up at his house on Thanksgiving night that he realized that it was no break – that is was over. So how important she was to him was still unknown. He had only really realized that he could really lose her and lose her for good 36 hours before.

"Or maybe she isn't?" Gates concluded. "Maybe you are both better off with out the other. Maybe the whole relationship was just an itch that needed to be scratched and that you really had no staying power."

He shook his head. He still had no answer.

It was at that point the waiter came over to take their order. To his surprise he ordered the biggest steak on the menu, medium rare and another glass of wine.

Gates smiled to herself. "Finally the man is showing a more carnivorous side." Maybe she was getting through.

Harm of course didn't actually eat the steak – he took it home for the cats – but it felt good to order it.

* * *

End Chapter Four – TBC (?) 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: **Letting the Days Go By  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Five  
Written: Fall 2005**  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew, creators or characters. With love and thanks.**

* * *

OK … for those of you who cheered for/suffered through Gates and are prepped for "the reunion" – I have to warn you, I have a couple more roadblocks ahead for these two. I never said it would be easy. Anyway here is a little shipper FLASHBACK for you. **

* * *

**

**Letting The Days Go By**  
**Chapter Five**

**New Year's Eve – 2007  
Rabb Residence****  
Swink's Mill and Georgetown Pike****  
McLean, Virginia**

Harm checked his reflection in the mirror – a jet-black suit with the slightest royal blue pinstripe to give it depth. His silk shirt and tie matched the stripe (and brought out the blue in his eyes) and he looked – even if he admitted it himself – elegant. He hadn't worn that suit since he could remember. It was a little loose on him. He actually tried to remember, it was the suit he bought to take Mac out for her birthday or was it Valentine's day. Or was it the suit that she had gotten for him for Mattie's graduation; she was always buying him clothes. All of his nice ones, all the clothes that weren't uniforms or sweats were some how connected to Mac (he tried not the think of her as 'Sarah' any more). He tried not to focus on the fact that it was New Year's Eve on what would have been their third anniversary. He tried not to feel like he was betraying those vows by taking another woman out that night.

Harm had run into Gates at an embassy reception about a week after Thanksgiving. Why she kept turning up at embassy receptions he was not sure, but she usually did. He hated going to those pointless affairs, but he had made many connections while working with the other agencies. He needed to maintain that network even if that meant he would have to go stag, suffer boring conversation and again accomplish nothing. Admiral Schnarr encouraged him to go as well – it could only help his career.

"Commander." Gates smiled brightly at him and waved him over. She was standing with a very tall, very blonde woman. She was stunning; Harm noticed that right away – not Gates, the blonde. "Commander Rabb, may I introduce you to Linnea Johansson." She smiled at her companion. "Nea this is Commander Harmon Rabb." Gates went on to explain that Nea was the daughter of Senator Johansson from Minnesota and was an advocate with the Human Rights Commission. "Nea you see before you one of that last men in this town who knows how to cut a rug." Gates' eyes flashed at Harm.

"You dance Commander?" Nea asked him.

"I am not sure Arthur Murray would agree, but I can promise not to step on your toes."

Nea laughed. "That's more than any man has promised me since I can remember." She tucked her arm in his and led him to the dance floor.

About an hour later, just as Gates was leaving, Harm stopped her. "What do you think you're doing, Gates?"

"Going home." She slipped her wrap around her shoulders.

"With Nea?" He pressed.

"Thought you would be taking her home." Gates smiled evilly.

"Gates." He warned.

"What? She was boring me, thought she would be perfect for you." She looked over his shoulder to see that Nea was clearly waiting for him. "Looks like I was right."

There was nothing Harm could say. Gates clearly was not going to come clean about what her plan was, but he didn't trust it. He didn't trust that it wouldn't get back to Mac. And then he had to ask himself – what difference would it make? Did Mac care? And if she did, wouldn't she be more annoyed with Gates than him? In the end – why not? Nea and he had some things in common and he was – for the first time in a long time – enjoying the company of a woman – should say the easy company of a woman – that he had no history with.

In the weeks between when they met and New Year's Eve, Nea and Harm had gone to dinner several times. She was clearly acting as if they were at the start of a relationship and Harm did what he had always done: avoided questions and said enough to keep the confrontations at bay and nothing more. Nea was no Renee, but she clearly was acting like she wanted more than the superficial relationship that they had. He had tried to nix the New Year's Eve date, but there was really no reason to get out of it. She was bright, attractive, visibly attracted to him. They had fun. They laughed and it was a pleasant distraction. New Year's Eve was just another date night after all. No big deal.

He checked himself in the mirror again. He had the feeling that the 'casual relationship' would be kicked up a notch that night. And why not? They were two, mature, consenting adults with no outside attachments to keep them from moving onward. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go in that direction. He would not press it, but if she did --- he was not sure how he would respond. His heart told him she was only a distraction, but his head told him – BE DISTRACTED.

He decided to change his cufflinks. In the box was his wedding ring. A pang of guilt hit him. He should have called her that day – Sarah not Nea. He should have sent a note or some flowers as he had three years prior.

**f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**0930 EST – New Year's Eve Day 2004  
MacKenzie Residence****  
Georgetown**

Mac woke and went about her morning routine with special care. She was not as nervous as a bride normally would be on her wedding day. There was no need to actually worry about the ceremony. It was going to be small with only their closest friends and a justice of the peace. The reception consisted of an early dinner at a little out of the way place that Harm and Mac had frequented often. They knew the owners and staff and the menu was created especially for them; it was as close to having it at home as they could get. Then Harm and Mac would head off to coastal Virginia to a near private bed and breakfast for four days. The wedding was a good compromise for the two of them that they had actually talked it out. Harm hadn't insisted on a wedding dress, but had made it clear that he wanted something that she would not wear again – something special. He offered to wear his mess dress whites, but she had requested a dark suit. There would be no uniforms at their wedding, no drawn swords and nothing that reflected the military tradition. Harm was fine with that; actually he would have requested it had she not brought it up first.

There was no reason to be nervous about the choice or the future as brides often are. Harm was the right choice and the any future they had they would met together. Since he had departed from JAG they had never been closer. They talked, they laughed, they planned and they worked hard. Harm had spent most of his time at the house and had promised to carry her over the threshold when they got back from the honeymoon. They had talked about going away for a week or more to some exotic location – Harm even offered to fly her there – but in the end both wanted to be home. Mattie would be gone for two weeks visiting Chloe before school started so they could have an extended honeymoon at home and get a jump start on their married lives.

Mac checked her internal clock; it was off. She had expected that it was just after dawn, but to find out that it was already 0930 was a shock. Gates would be there soon. They had a plan for a massage, manicure, pedicure and to have their hair and make up done. Neither one – not Mac or Gates – were 'girls' like that, but it was fun to think of doing that on the wedding day.

The doorbell rang. She quickly put on her robe. It had to be Gates – she was always early. Mac opened the door. A single red rose with a note lay in the doorway. She checked the hall, but no one was around.

The rose was perfect and the outside of the note was written in Harm's hand "For My Sarah".

How sweet. She again looked around for him, clearly he had delivered these himself. He was not to be found. She stepped back into the apartment forgetting all about closing the door. She took a moment before she opened the note. She didn't want to start crying or getting emotional that early in the day. It was short. It was simple. It read:

_My Dear Sarah – _

_I am not good with words – at least not the words that  
I want to say to you – but you know that about me. I  
often don't say enough expecting that my message  
will get through - or I will say too much and not convey  
all that needs to be expressed. _

_All you need to know is that I will love you until the  
end of time. No matter what happens in our future,  
I will always be there for you and I will always be the  
one that you can rely on. I fully intend to keep that promise,  
but I expect that you will keep me honest. I know you will._

_You are my friend, my ally, my companion and my love.  
What more can I promise you than my friendship, my alliance,  
my companionship and a love that will endure any test. We  
meet our future hand in hand and are stronger for it._

_I will promise this to you again in font of God and our friends  
but I wanted you to know – and have it in writing – in case  
you had any doubts._

_I love you, Sarah._

_Eternally Yours, Harm_

She read the note twice over and then again a third time before she reached for the phone. His phone was ringing, she was wiping at her eyes, when she felt his arms around her. She turned quickly and folded into his embrace – the call and the tears forgotten. Now she was trembling, now she felt like a bride, now she felt like a woman in love about to set out on a journey that would see her to the end.

He held her tightly and let her regain her composure. She pulled back to look into his face. "No doubts" she stated clearly. "No doubts …" Words failed her; she pulled him to her and kissed him.

"I am not supposed to be here." He whispered.

"Harm …our fortune, our life, our future is not trusted to luck or superstition."

"No?"

"I don't need a ceremony or a piece of paper." She whispered. "All I need is you – is us."

He kissed hear again and kicked the door closed behind him. They both hoped that Gates would be late – very late.

_**e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**_

**0100 – January 2, 2008  
MacKenzie Residence  
Okinawa, Japan**

Mac folded the note again – it was worn over time -- and slipped it into the hidden section of her jewelry box where she tucked away her engagement ring and wedding band. Of the three she was not sure which she valued more.

She was not sure why, but she had expected to hear from him. She had no right to expect it but she did. When he didn't call she decided to call him. It would be 0800 on New Year's Day. They hadn't talked much since Thanksgiving, a few calls, some traded voicemails, a couple of emails but that was all. She had no idea what she would say to him, but she needed to speak with him. She missed him.

No Answer. She didn't leave a message.

She got ready for bed. Lights off, tucked deeply under the covers. She wasn't expecting to sleep, but she was hoping that memories would not flood her mind and keep her up all night. She hadn't cried herself to sleep in a long while, but she could definitely see it happening that night if she wasn't careful.

Moments later the phone rang.

"Hey baby …what's up?" Came Gate's cheerful voice. "Did I wake you?"

"No." She said quickly. "Happy New Year."

"Yeah, you too … what did you do for the holiday?" She asked not really wanting an answer.

"I spent it with Sandy's boys … let Sandy and her husband have a night out on the town."

"Well, that was DAMN sweet of you."

"Yeah, I thought so." Mac laughed. "What did you do?"

"I'm just getting home … went to about six different parties saw just about everyone I know … danced 'til dawn. It was great."

"AJ was with you?"

"For the first two and was there to kiss me at midnight, but then the poor boy needed to go home and sleep."

"You are wearing him out Gates." Mac often had a hard time picturing Gates and AJ.

"Who knows … I only party like this once a year … I think doing it sober helps me stay awake."

"You had nothing to drink?"

"Flat champagne at midnight and caffeine for the rest of the night." She announced. "I should be up until next Tuesday."

"HA."

"Yeah …saw your boy Rabb tonight too … man he looked good … he even danced with me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah … dressed to the nines in that black suit with the blue stripes."

Mac knew the suit well. She had given it to him for his birthday and had taken him to a very expensive restaurant to celebrate.

"He was with Nea Johansson … you remember Nea."

"No?" Gates may have not have been drunk, but her caffeine high was getting annoying.

"Yes you do … she is that tall, blonde bitch with the father in high places."

"No." Mac said again.

"I introduced you last summer … she is an advocate for the Human Right Commission … tall, blonde … has to be Swedish … legs that go on for days and an ass that you would kill for … you know … a real bitch."

Mac didn't remember, but after that description there was only one question she had on her mind. "Harm was with her?"

"Yea … guess they have been dating for a couple of weeks now … they met at that embassy reception I told you about … the one where …"

Mac stopped listening. Harm had been dating? He was dating a 'tall, blonde, with legs that go on for days and an ass that you would kill for'? Seriously? He never said anything? Mattie hadn't said anything? Mac looked to her phone and wondered if that was why there was no answer.

"Yo Mac … MACKAY … you still there?"

"Yeah, I am here."

"Babe … I gotta go … I am gonna hit a wall soon, but before I do, I have a ton of shit I got to get done."

"Right … go on … call me when you wake up."

"I will, doll." Gates assured her. "Love you … Happy New Year."

Mac hung up. "Yeah, Happy New Year."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**0826 EST – January 1, 2008  
Johansson Residence****  
Washington, DC**

Harm was in the kitchen making coffee. He didn't want to be there, he wanted to get out as quickly as possible, but he had better manners than that.

"Sorry about last night." Nea said as she entered the kitchen.

"No need."

"I guess champagne and I need to go our separate ways."

He didn't acknowledge her remark, but nodded toward the coffee pot.

"How badly did I embarrass myself last night?" She asked pointedly.

"I got you home before anything really bad happened … you were about ready to call somebody out."

"Right …Jack O'Lander … I remember … what a jerk." She took a sip of her coffee. "Thank you … my hero."

He nodded slightly.

She looked a little sheepish. She remembered him bringing her to her apartment and trying to get her to lie down, but after that it got a little blurry. Though she did remember wanting him and making it clear that she was ready, willing and able. Nea was the kind of woman who got hyper alert when she was slightly tipsy and very assertive when she was a lot tipsy; her judgment wasn't the best. When she drank champagne it was all multiplied ten fold. She did clearly remember kissing him, him responding and then her leading him into the bedroom as she unbuttoned his shirt.

Harm remembered the whole evening very clearly. He remembered picking her up and being impressed with how a simple black dress could be so alluring. He remembered running into Gates, dancing with her and her commenting on what a great couple Nea and he made. He remembered getting annoyed with her and challenging on her motivation for such a comment. He remembered thinking that he was a free man and that no one or nothing could prevent him from doing anything he wanted to do, nor would anyone push him to do what he didn't. He remembered noticing that Nea was drinking too much, and that whatever his desires were – in either direction – that night was no longer about what he wanted or didn't want.

He brought her home close to 3AM; she tried to seduce him. There was some pretty passionate kissing but that was all before she passed out. He spent the remainder of the night/morning on the sofa in the living room. He was going to leave a note and head home, but he wanted to get a couple of things between them understood.

"Nea, how much of my history has Gates told you?" He asked pointedly.

"Gates?" She sat down at the kitchen table. "Gates Madden? The shrink for NCIS? Nothing. I barely know her."

"You barely know her?" He was a little confused.

"I have seen her around, we are often at the same functions, but I don't really know her." Now she was the one to be confused. "Why do you and Gates have a thing?"

Harm had to laugh at that. "No." He thought for a moment. "We have had some nice evenings … you and I."

"We have," she agreed.

"If this had happened …if I had met you in six months or a year from now, things might be different, but as it is I can't offer you more than an occasional dinner companion."

Nea looked disappointed but appreciative that he was being honest with her. "Ok."

"Ok." He was about to get up and go.

"Can I ask why?" She asked back. "Does it have something to do with Gates Madden?"

Harm took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had avoided the subject of his marriage and everything surrounding Mac with Nea. They had talked about everything else but their personal histories with other mates. That was by design on Harm's part, and he thought Nea had some reason to keep her past private as well. There was no avoiding it at that point.

"Gates Madden is my wife's – sorry my ex-wife's best friend." He said quickly. "I have only recently divorced – little over four months …" His words trailed off.

She helped him. "And the divorce wasn't your idea and you are still in love with your wife." She finished for him.

"Something like that." She was being kind to him and he really appreciated that.

"Is there any chance for reconciliation?" She asked.

"I would like to say yes, but if I were a betting man I would say there were better places to put my money." He looked sad at that thought. "She is stationed in Okinawa."

"Wow, kind of hard to get together." She commented. "I'm sorry. I do understand … would like to say I have been there myself, but in all honesty I have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than six months." She shrugged. "Guess I am meant to be single."

Harm nodded. "Single is not so bad." He confirmed. "Anyway, I am sorry if I gave you the wrong impression --."

"Hey Harm." She cut him off. "You were nothing but a gentleman."

"Good." He again got up to leave.

"Harm?" She called after him. "Does this mean we won't be having dinner on occasion?"

"You are still up for that?" He asked.

"I enjoy your company, and who knows … in six months or a year … you might change your mind." She smiled.

"I might." He returned it.

"And you were telling me something about a plane – a bi-plane that you have in storage that you need to get back in the air." She stood. "I am pretty good with a wrench and I take instruction very well."

She was flirting with him, and he liked it. "Ok … a week from Saturday … pencil me in … we are heading to Blacksburg and we will see if we can get that bird in the air."

"It's a date." She held up her hands. "Sorry … it is an appointment."

"Right." He took her hand and pressed it warmly. "Thanks, Nea."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**0800 – January 2, 2008  
MacKenzie Residence  
Okinawa, Japan**

Mac was getting ready for work. Many of her staff had asked for the day off so it would be a fairly quiet day. She needed a quiet day; she had had a restless night after Gates' call.

She was just stepping out the door when her phone rang. She thought about letting the machine get it.

"MacKenzie." She answered.

"Hi, Mac." Harm's voice came over the line. "It's Harm … Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year." Her voice was tentative.

"I was going to call yesterday … but ---."

"Yeah, I understand." She cut him off.

"Mac … Sarah …" He wanted to tell her that he loved her. That he missed her. That being with another woman was not what he wanted. "I need you to know something."

She sunk down on to her bed. She was waiting for him to tell her that he had found someone else, or at the very least he was dating someone else. She would try to be happy for him. After all, she knew he wasn't the kind of man to stay single for long. Harm and women were a given.

"Sarah … I told you a long time ago that I keep my promises."

She flashed on any number of promises that he had made to her over the years but the promises he made on their wedding day were fresher in her mind.

"I will always be there for you Sarah. No matter what happens in the future." He was stumbling over his words. "Regardless of where we wind up, if you ever need me … I will be there." It wasn't coming out right. It wasn't what he wanted to say. "Do you understand?" He asked hoping that she had heard him correctly; that the divorce hadn't nullified his promises.

"I do." Mac read between the lines. She read this as Harm saying, 'I have moved on, but want you to know that if you call, I will be there to do what I can.' She continued, "And you know that same goes for me."

Harm's heart sank. He didn't say it right; she didn't hear him correctly. "You are very important to me … I don't ever want to lose --."

"Harm … I know … we won't … OK?" She had to go. The tears were welling up in her eyes and she had to get off the phone before they made it to her voice. "I need to go … I am going to be late."

"Right … sorry."

"Happy New Year." She said again and hung up.

She had avoided crying all night, but now there was no avoiding it.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**0936 Local – January 2, 2008  
JAG Offices  
Okinawa, Japan**

Mac arrived only moments before. She had to shower again and compose herself. She had made a decision. She was going to talk to him again – Harm that is. She was going to ask him directly about Nea and what he was trying to accomplish with the phone call and depending upon his answers … she would make a decision about what would be next.

"Colonel?" Her petty office knocked on the open door frame. "Colonel Livingston is here to see you."

"What is this in reference to?" Mac didn't look up.

"To the Silvers Article 32." Came a booming male voice.

Mac sat back and studied the man standing in her doorway. He was handsome - there was no doubt about that - all marine, dark brown eyes, and an expression that she could not place –cocksure without the arrogance that normally accompanies that. "Colonel Livingston I presume." She stated with no amusement in her voice.

"Oh, like I haven't heard **that** one before." He stepped into her office.

"It is custom to wait until you are granted entrance before stepping over the line."

"Colonel MacKenzie." He flashed her a sexy smile. "I bet they call you 'Mac' … if a marine waited to be invited … we would never go any where."

Mac nodded to excuse her petty officer. "How can I help you, Col. Livingston?"

"You can start by calling me Jason."

"Colonel." She pushed back on him.

He just smiled. He could normally get a woman to do pretty much whatever he wanted with a smile and a well place compliment. "I want your help in making the Gunnery Sergeant Silvers Article 32 go away."

"I am not the convening authority." She stood, though in hindsight she should have remained seated.

"No, but you are running the investigation."

"Are you suggesting that I alter the findings?"

"I am suggesting that you won't find anything and that you are wasting valuable time and manpower. Not to mention having my Gunny locked up."

"I can't help you Colonel …and I won't comment further on an ongoing investigation."

"That is all?"

"That is all I have to say on the subject." She said.

"How about other subjects?" He smiled. "What do you think about coffee? Tea? Early lunch?"

"I say, that I have a lot of work to do." She sat back down.

"Maybe another time then."

Mac did not look up.

"If this matter goes to court … you can bet I will get Silvers the best defense money can buy."

"Why are you so interested in this?"

"Other than the fact that he is my Gunny and has been for many years and I know him … He didn't do it."

"I hope the investigation bares that out."

Colonel Livingston left.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**1145 Local – January 8, 2008  
JAG Office  
Okinawa, Japan**

"Ma'am." The petty office knocked on her doorframe. "There is a Commander Rabb here to see you – from JAG HQ."

Mac stood up immediately. They hadn't spoken since New Years Day (she never had the nerve to ask about Nea) and she had no idea that he was coming to Japan. "Show him in."

Harm stepped through the doorway looking like a very wonderful sight for some very sore eyes.

"Hi." She said tentatively.

He smiled back. "Hi."

Colonel Livingston stepped into the room behind him. "Colonel … I told you I would get the best defense for Silvers." He stated clearly. "I believe you two have met."

Harm and Mac exchanged a look.

* * *

End Chapter Five – TBC … I hope you are enjoying the ride! 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: **Letting the Days Go By  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Six  
Written: Fall 2005**  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew, creators or characters. With love and thanks.**

* * *

You people crack me up … thanks for the reviews and the hits … keep reading … I am hoping this one will be fun.

* * *

**Letting The Days Go By**

**Chapter Six**

**1145 Local – January 8, 2008  
JAG Headquarters  
Okinawa, Japan**

"Ma'am." The petty office knocked on her doorframe. "There is a Commander Rabb here to see you – from JAG HQ."

Mac stood up immediately. They hadn't spoken since New Years Day (she never had the nerve to ask about Nea) and she had no idea that he was coming to Japan. "Show him in."

Harm stepped through the doorway looking like a very wonderful sight for some very sore eyes.

"Hi." She said tentatively.

He smiled back. "Hi."

Colonel Livingston stepped into the room behind him. "Colonel … I told you I would get the best defense for Silvers." He stated clearly. "I believe you two have met."

Harm and Mac exchanged a look.

Mac's eyes darkened. "Commander, would you care to explain?" She glared at Livingston as she spoke.

Harm was very familiar with that glare; had been on the receiving end a lot many years ago. It was really too bad that Livingston was the kind of guy that read it as a come-on. Clearly he didn't know Mac very well, but Harm did. "Certainly Colonel." Harm tried to break the tension. "I was asked to represent Gunnery Sergeant Silvers in this matter by General Mahoney."

Mac knew Mahoney by reputation, but he was very influential with the administration. "General Mahoney?" She questioned.

Livingston stepped in. "The Gunny served with the General too … he knows trumped up charges when he sees them."

Mac snapped her attention back to Livingston.

Harm felt a 'riot act' coming down. "Colonel." He turned to Livingston. "Why don't you find out what is taking so long with Silvers transfer?" He was hustling him out of the room. Harm smiled. "It will give the colonel and I a chance to catch up on our JAG days." He winked at him.

"I'll do that." Livingston was out the door before he caught on to Harm's 'game'. "Right, right … let you two catch up." He winked and nodded and walked away thinking that Harm would be able to use his history with Mac to facilitate the situation. Livingston had no idea of the extent of Mac and Harm's history and he had no clue how ineffective it would be on that case; in fact it might be detrimental.

Harm closed the door behind him. "OK?" He gestured toward the door, basically asking if she had an issue being behind closed doors with him.

"I don't like that man." Mac stated and shook off the door inquiry.

"He likes you." Harm sprawled out in one of her guest chairs.

Mac also sat down. "Oh?"

"He said that you have a rep for being a by-the-book bitch – but that with a body like yours - he would let you bitch him up one side --."

"Harm." She stopped him.

"Just repeating what I hear, Colonel." Again with that Cheshire cat grin.

She shook her head and smiled. "What are you doing here, Harm?" It didn't matter really; it was nice to see him. It was nice to see a friendly face – but it was particularly nice to see his.

"Like I said … a little string pulling."

"Who was pulling the strings?" She secretly hoped that some how Harm had figured out how to get there legitimately.

"Not me … though not for lack of trying … must have been Silvers … probably has friends in high places … of course maybe it's Livingston." He animatedly looked over his shoulder at the closed door, then back at her and dropped his voice to just above a whisper. "And you may want to think about that, Colonel … he could certainly help you career."

"Harm … enough."

He laughed. It was fun playing with her. It was fun being with her knowing that he was following orders. "Truth is … Mahoney and I worked together on the task force … he called me when this Silvers thing came up … not sure who brought it to him … he pushed it through Schnarr's desk and here I am."

"You could have called."

"No time." He smiled and got up to stroll around her office not looking at her. "It is great to see you Sarah."

She leaned back in her chair. "You are really enjoying this," she moaned.

"You bet your sweet ass." He confirmed and turned to her with the picture of them from Afghanistan taken too many years ago to mention, the one she tossed at him and nearly took out an eye. "You may want to secure this." He said playfully and rubbed the scar above his eye.

She took it out of his hand and placed it on her desk. "Why?"

"I am here to do a job, Colonel." He smiled and nodded toward the picture. "No need to fuel the scuttlebutt." He sat back down. "They don't know who I am, do they?"

"To what 'they' are you referring?" She asked pointedly.

"Well, I need to spell my name to your petty officer – twice – and clearly Livingston has no idea."

"I don't have a clue what Livingston knows and doesn't know." She told him. "And frankly I don't care. He has been in my office every day for the last week trying to get me to stop the Silvers investigation."

"Is that why you are pushing it through?" He tossed back at her.

"No." She leaned back and spied him suspiciously. "It won't work, you know."

"What?" His eyes got wide in mock innocence.

"You won't be able to bait me."

His look melted into a soft sexy smile; the one he knew she could not resist. "I guess you know me too well."

She nodded feeling a pang in her stomach. Oh he knew her. "I know you well enough to know that you didn't have to take this case."

"And refuse a general's request?" He played.

"You didn't have to take it." She pressed easily. "So, tell my why are you really here?"

"I am here to do a job, Colonel." He shrugged and got up to leave. "But if anything else comes out of it …"

"Like what?" She quickly asked back.

"Oh I don't know … "

The glint in his eye was enticing and annoying at the same time. "Rabb." She warned but it was obvious her heart was not into it.

"So … MacKenzie … where are you taking me for dinner." He asked as he stepped toward the door.

"Dinner?" She asked. "You don't want to discuss the case?"

He shrugged. "It's a cake walk … your people did some pretty shoddy work." That was not true, but it didn't matter. Harm knew how to get Mac's goat. "I'm going to blow so many holes in it that they will think it was used for target practice."

"Harm." She warned. She knew he was pressing her buttons and needed to remind herself not to play into it.

"I'm serious Mac." He countered. "Did you even read the Article 32 report?"

"Yes I read it … it warranted a trial."

"Says you." He threw back at her.

"Said the convening authority." She slammed back at him.

"This is a railroad job Mac, and I am going to get to the bottom of it."

"Harm, don't go looking for trouble." She warned.

"Will you be the one to give it to me?" He suggested.

"You are on my turf now, sailor." She stated.

"What's the matter Sarah; worried that I'm going to piss in your pool?"

"Harm -." She was about to launch into a tirade of gigantic proportions.

He laughed out loud. Round one was coming to a close. "Don't you love this?"

She was taken aback. "What?"

"This … us … you and me on opposite sides again … debating a case … come on Mac … this is fun."

Mac would have had to agree, but since it was her rep on the line, she didn't. "No, Harm … this is serious … I don't want you making a game out of this."

"A game?" He smiled with mock innocence. "Moi?"

"Yeah YOU." She came from around the desk.

"I need to see my client, Colonel." He said. "When are you picking me up for dinner?"

"We are back to dinner now?"

"Hey … I'm an old colleague from your JAG HQ days … you need to take me to dinner … show me the town … nothing wrong with that … nothing IMPROPER … it's only polite."

She relented. "1900."

"And my office?" He pressed.

"At the VOQ." She pressed back.

He shrugged. "So far away … and yet." His eyes flashed. "Still in the same time zone."

He opened the door to leave and she stepped closer. He closed it again and kept his hand there preventing anyone from interrupting them.

"Harm?"

He scanned her up and down with a hungry look in his eye. "You look fantastic, Sarah … I mean really fantastic."

She blushed.

He leaned in and whispered into her ear, "And 'blush' has always been my favorite color on you … all of you." He kissed her cheek softly letting his lips linger just slightly too long.

She pulled away and didn't look at him.

He reached out and tilted her head up so she would have to meet his eyes. "Until tonight then."

She nodded slightly. "Tonight." Her voice would not carry any more words.

He let his thumb brush across her lips and pulled her close. He was millimeters away from kissing her and she would not have stopped it. He brushed his cheek by hers and whispered into her ear with a low and seductive voice, "no uniforms." He inhaled deeply and let out a passionate sigh. "Damn, you smell great." He leaned back to be sure that she was putty in his hands. She was. "I'll see you tonight." He slipped from the room.

It took Mac a full five minutes to recover. Harm could – when he wanted to – push every one of her buttons and play her like an accordion. When she had finally regained her composure, she wondered what was the motivation was. Was he just trying to get her off guard so he could win in court, or was there something more he was after?

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**1845 Local – January 8, 2008  
VOQ  
Okinawa, Japan**

Hare dressed with care and precision. He needed to be casual, yet sexy – remind her what she had been missing. He laughed at himself. He was playing a game – a romance game – and he thought he was over that. Shouldn't they be past that? Clearly no.

When the orders came down and Schnarr announce that Harm would be the one going to Japan, the staff room got quiet. Harm didn't know how to respond.

It was Bud that cut the ice. "Wow … Japan." Bud mocked the innocence. "Haven't been there in ages."

Harm just looked at Bud.

"Will there be a problem, commander." Schnarr asked pointedly.

"None, ma'am."

"And I expect none." She stated and picked up her files. "You have your orders. Dismissed." She strode from the room.

Tracy, Lillian and Kate – especially Kate – were all chomping at the bit to say something, but Harm shut them all down with a look.

He was left alone with Bud.

"Say hello to the colonel for me, would you?" He said sweetly.

"I will."

"Wow … you two working together again …" Bud commented. "I am sorry that I won't be there."

"Why?" Harm asked. He had an idea, but wanted to be sure he understood Bud.

"WHY?" Bud laughed. "WHY? To see the two of you in court again – and on opposite sides … my God … that is better than getting the Beatles back together … you two made me who I am today … I would be no where if you and the colonel hadn't ---."

Harm cut him off. "You did that all on your own Bud … we may have pointed out some good directions … but you did it on your own."

"Still."

"Still … nothing … Mac is the JAG out there … nothing says that she will be in court."

"True … but …"

"But what?" Harm asked back.

"I was just thinking …" He smiled.

Harm was about to challenge him, but it was clear that Bud was thinking that Harm and Mac might make a break through in their relationship … particularly if they had to do it in a courtroom. They were always better in court.

"Well, stop thinking Bud." Harm playfully warned him, but all it served to do was set his own wheels in motion. By time the wheels touched down in Japan, Harm had plan: flirt, woo and be honest. Not normally the KILLER THREE … but it would work for Mac

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**1900 Local – January 8, 2008  
VOQ  
Okinawa, Japan**

Mac knocked on the door precisely at 1900. She knew Harm would be late, but she didn't care. There were a couple of things they needed to get understood before it got totally out of control.

Harm opened the door dressed and ready to go. "On the dot." He smiled and stepped out of his quarters. "Nice to see that something haven't changed."

His being ready messed up her plan to 'set him straight'.

"Looking great, Mac." He again scanned her up and down only this time was more friendly than seductive.

She was dressed simply in jeans and a silk shirt. It didn't occur to her until right then that it was the same outfit she had worn to the dinner they had just before she left of Okinawa. Harm must have remembered and assumed more than it did.

"So where are we going for dinner … and don't say Sushi." He was easy and calm with her.

"No." She had completely forgotten where they were going. "Um … no … not sushi."

"So?"

"It's a little Italian place … they make a killer eggplant parmigiana." The best thing about that place was that it was far away from the base and was not frequented by many base personnel.

He smiled softly at her. His plans were working perfectly. "Excellent … lead on Mac-Duff."

The dinner conversation was light and easy. There was none of the sexual overtones that had filled the previous meeting. Mac was grateful for that but wondered why it was missing at the same time. She could barely keep her mind from thinking about him making love to her. She imagined any number of seductions scenarios in her head. It was often hard to concentrate.

He had gotten her talking about work, her people, the tribulations of command and what she was enjoying about her new situation. There was no second agenda, as best she could tell. Over dessert she turned the direction of the conversation back on Harm. Asked him about being back at JAG, back in the court room, his relationship with the admiral and what is was like to work with the three bitches – sorry witches: Lillian, Kate and Tracy. He was not overly honest but he held nothing back. He had told her about his conversation with Kate – or enough of it for her to know that he had shut her down, shut her off.

After dinner they took a walk by the water.

Out of the blue Mac commented. "You seem really happy, Harm." She had been thinking it since she had picked him up. He was like his old self – the one she met over a decade before - only not. There was none of that youthful arrogance, just a sincere confidence based on past accomplishments. It was very attractive. A small voice inside of her thought it might have something to do with Nea. She was torn as to whether or not to bring it up.

"I seem happy to you?" He asked back.

"Yes." She had now opened up that door to personal feelings. It might have been a Pandora's box.

"Well …" He looked out over the water. "I am happy to be here."

"It's more than that." She pressed, not exactly knowing why. "You belong at JAG, you are good at what you do and it shows."

He turned to her and leaned against the railing so he was more on eye level with her. "Ya think?"

"Yes." She felt the butterflies kick up in her gut.

"Well." He had an idea what he wanted to say, but no clear idea how to say it. The intensity almost became too much to bear. He wanted to grab he and kiss her, make her for get the past year or more, but he found a voice: "They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions." He blurted out.

Mac was at a loss. "Road to hell?"

This next bit was clear in his mind, he only hoped that he could get her to follow what was in his lead. "That a person – a man, a husband – can set out with the best of intentions to do what he thinks is right, what he thinks is expected, what he thinks will be best for everyone concerned." He paused. "Sometimes that works, sometimes that is the only thing a man can do." He looked at her closely to see if she were still with him. "But sometimes all that happens is that he loses himself, piece by piece until there is nothing left and he winds up in hell."

Her heart was racing.

"To climb out of that hell he has to go in search of all that he lost. Sometimes what has been lost is right there, ready and waiting for him. Easily recovered. Sometimes it takes work, hard work, more work to recover than it originally took to acquire. But once he has found it again, once he has earned it again, he cherishes it, nurtures it and protects it more than he ever did before." Then his eyes took on a sad glow. "However … sometimes what is lost can never be found."

She knew all about unrecovered loss. "What does he do then?" Her voice was weak.

"Well that depends on the man." He said slowly. "One man might try to replace it. Another might try to forget that it was ever his. Another still could try to somehow devalue its importance in his life." He reached out and took her hand. "Still another man would never stop looking, never give up the hope of finding it again one day."

Mac's breath caught in her throat. He had gotten to her heart and her mind as well as her body.

"That man may be the saddest man of all. His only real hope is to ask for help; maybe from someone who shares the loss as deeply as he does."

She adopted his extended metaphor. "Sometimes what he – or she – had perceived as lost was never actually theirs to begin with ... and it takes time to realize that and reconcile themselves."

He pressed her hand. "Time is the only real gift that is given to us … you and I know better than most that it should not be squandered or wasted."

"Harm." She was so close to falling into his arms and pleading with him, begging for his forgiveness. "Harm, I --." It was at that moment that her phone rang. It rang two more times before she was prepared to answer. "MacKenzie … He what? … Thank You. I will be right there."

Harm looked at her.

She was back to business. "Silvers has escaped." She was about to turn away to head toward the car but turned back. "Harm ... I heard you ... I really did ... and you and I also know that often a person will get on the wrong path hoping to find their way back."

"Then that is also time to ask for help … to find the right path."

She nodded. She agreed, or at least didn't disagree; but there was more stuff that had to happen before they could really iron all this out.

"Can we finish this later?" She asked.

"For you Sarah … I have nothing but time."

* * *

End Chapter Six – TBC … Fun? 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: **Letting the Days Go By**

**By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Seven  
Written: Fall 2005**  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew, creators or characters. With love and thanks.**

* * *

Thanks for reading and glad so many of you are enjoying.

* * *

**Letting The Days Go By**  
**Chapter Seven******

**0800 Local – January 9, 2008**  
** Brig**  
** Okinawa, Japan**

"What in the hell were you thinking?" Harm bellowed at Silvers.

"He just wanted --."

Harm shut Livingston down with a look. "Are you on the defense team? Do you have any reason to be here AT ALL?" He glared at him.

"Silvers is in my command."

"Then you have two choices … you can shut up and let me do my job or get out." Harm was done. "I am trying to keep this within the military, but if the Okinawan officials get a hold of you I am not sure there is anything that anyone can do."

"That bitch MacKenzie would just a soon turn Silvers over to them." Livingston challenged.

Harm's eyes flared. "COLONEL MacKenzie."

Livingston proceeded unchecked. "I know all about the local JAGs being in bed with the Jap authorities."

Harm had had enough; he got in Livingston's face. "You WILL show her the respect demanded by her rank, her uniform and as a human being. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Livingston didn't respond.

"Do you understand me?" Harm repeated.

"Yes." He stated reluctantly.

"She may very well be all that stands between 25 years in Leavenworth or a Japanese Prison. OK?" Harm looked back and forth between both men. "Semper Fi?"

"Semper Fi." Livingston repeated.

"Now get out." Harm ordered.

"Commander." Silvers protested. "I would prefer that Colonel Livingston be allowed to stay."

Harm was in a no win situation. His client didn't trust him and his client's CO was more trouble than he was worth. Harm tossed his cover on the table. "You do know that we didn't have a leg to stand on before you pulled this little stunt and now that you have …" He shook his head.

"But you told MacKenzie that it was shoddy work." Livingston stated. "And that you were going to poke so many holes in the investigation that it would look like it was used for target practice."

"I was LYING." Then a realization washed over Harm – his own words coming back to him, words that were uttered only to Mac behind a closed door. He turned to the colonel trying to keep his anger in check. "Where did you hear that?"

He shrugged. "Around."

"Around what?" Harm pressed.

"Around." He tried to out 'macho' Harm, but it was not to be. "And I guess you were the right choice … you and MacKenzie have a history." He stated proudly.

Harm studied him for a moment. Clearly Livingston thought knew more than he actually knew. "You have a spy." He stated thinking of the cute Petty Officer that worked for Mac.

Livingston glared back. "I also heard -."

"NOTHING." Harm assured him. "You heard NOTHING." Then he tried to play it down. "You know what, Colonel … you are going to wind up in jail along side your buddy here." He stated clearly. "And I am going to be the one to put you there."

"Hey." Silvers interrupted. "I thought you were supposed to be on my side."

Harm stood and walked away from the table. "I am not sure if you two are just incredibly STUPID or if you are really trying to hide something."

"Commander … I just needed to see my girl." Silvers protested. "They have to understand that."

"Who has to? The members? The judge?" Harm was stunned. "Gunny … you are in jail for what looks to be the biggest drug bust that the Marine Corps has ever known. You have been pegged as the mastermind behind the whole thing – manufacturing and distribution – though for the life of me I don't see how you were SMART ENOUGH to pull it off. The maximum sentence for this is close to 25 years … but I am willing to think they will make an exception in your case and just throw away the key. And that is only if I can keep the administration for letting the Japanese government from taking a whack at you. This is a very serious political hot potato gentlemen." He gestured toward the door. "Taking a the night out to visit your girlfriend who is facing her own issues with the local authorities was just … incredibly … STUPID."

"But ..."

"How the hell did you get out anyway?" He put up his hand. "I don't want to know … probably have a client on the inside who just turned away."

"I came back on my own." He defended.

"Stupid … incredibly STUPID." He grabbed his cover and started for the door. "Try not to do anything … forget it. Don't leave the base!" He turned to Livingston. "The more you defend this guy, the more you help him, the more rules you break to prove his innocence, the guiltier he looks --- and you with him."

"Silvers is innocent."

"He may or may not be guilty – but he is hardly innocent." He said. "Regardless, I need to find a way to disprove their claim."

Harm left. He needed to see Mac.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo **

**0936 Local – January 9, 2008  
Outside the JAG Offices  
Okinawa, Japan**

Mac was walking back from a meeting when Harm caught up with her. "Walk with me." He stated.

"I need to get back to my office." She gestured toward the door.

"Your walls have ears, Mac." He told her.

She looked back at him. "What does that mean?"

"I am not at liberty to say, but as concerns this case … MY CASE … your walls have ears."

"Harm." She didn't understand.

"Look, I wanted to take you to lunch … thought we could talk … but it looks like I will be working through lunch and probably dinner for the next day or so."

She looked disappointed but it was not unexpected. "I understand."

"Do you?" He asked back. "Do you know how much I want to blow this case off and take you –"

"Harm." She stopped him. "Don't … please don't." She tried not to look at him but found herself staring into his very intent eyes. "I understand … I promise … we will talk, OK?" She assured him.

He stepped a little closer to her. "Sarah." He breathed her name. "Being this close to you …"

She stepped back. "You are going to have to stop that … I am serious Harm … no more."

"You distract me." He whispered.

"Harm --." She wanted to blast him but didn't have the heart. "When this case is over."

He nodded. He didn't feel completely shot down, but wasn't as encouraged as he had hoped. "OK." He smiled. "I'll see you in court."

"I am not prosecuting." She announced.

"What?"

"No, Commander Lorenzo is prosecuting. You knew that." She pressed.

"No … no, ma'am I didn't." He looked so disappointed. "Boy oh boy … I am striking out left and right here." He thought for sure they would be up against each other in court at the very least. It was the only thing that was keeping him focused on the case.

"Lorenzo is a good man … a little green in the court room." She told him. "I will probably be sitting second chair … need to check my schedule." She had a hint of a smile on her face.

"Yeah … you do that." He was still very unhappy. "Well, got a ton of people to see."

"Blowing holes in the case?"

"Just crossing the Ts and dotting the Is … something your people don't seem to care about." He hoped that sounded sincere.

"Right." She just smiled. She knew his game.

"Right … see you later." He started to walk off. She watched him for a moment.

"Hey Commander." She called to him as she approached.

He turned back.

She brushed past him. "You're a little distracting yourself." She kept walking with a little more wiggle to her walk.

Harm's heart was lifted.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo **

**2252 Local – January 9, 2008  
JAG Offices  
Okinawa, Japan**

Mac checked the clock on the wall again. She knew very well what time it was but she couldn't stop from verifying it. He should have been back by then. She was still working, clearing up several matters that needed her attention. She had discussed the trial with Lorenzo and decided that he was so unprepared for Harm that she needed to be there to back him up. Which meant clearing her desk for three days – at least. Well that was not entirely true, but if she cleared her desk for three days, if there were a break – and her presence was not required - she could take advantage of it.

One thing bothered her about the case as she reread the files and read through Lorenzo's brief. It was airtight. Nothing was dropped or forgotten. She knew that Harm was just posturing about the casework being shoddy, but there was something amazingly odd with the situation. Every arrow pointed to Silvers. Every lead ended at Silvers door. No case was that easy.

"Burning the midnight oil, I see." Came a booming voice from her open door.

Mac looked up and shot up into attention.

"At ease Colonel." The base commander said. "So how do you like it here?" He asked casually.

"Very well, sir."

"This is your first command, is it not?"

"It is sir."

"From what I understand you are doing a hell of a job."

"Thank you sir."

"It is not an easy job, and – no disrespect – being a woman can't help around here."

"I find the work challenging and the crew I have to work with dedicated and competent."

"This was a major career move for you." He commented looking at the picture on her desk. "Honestly, if Admiral Schnarr hadn't pushed so hard for this assignment, I never would have approved it."

"Thank you sir."

"You'll be getting your full bird for this … surprised it hasn't happened already."

"Thank you sir."

"Well, I am headed home … after twenty hours, I am just shot … need to get at least an hour of shut eye a night." He smiled at her.

"Yes, sir."

He was just about to walk out. "Colonel, about the Silvers matter."

"Yes, sir?"

"The local authorities are putting pressure to have this matter turned over to them."

"Yes sir."

"What are your thoughts on that?"

"Gunnery Sergeant Silvers is a marine, sir." She stated. "We need to show them that we can police our own."

He nodded. "So you think he is guilty."

"I believe that the evidences supports that enough to warrant a trial."

"I understand that Commander Rabb is defending."

Mac stayed silent.

"He had quite a reputation for stirring the pot … so to speak."

"Yes sir."

"But he has been out of it for a while."

Mac didn't know how to respond. She decided to defend Harm. "Commander Rabb has been back at JAG for nearly four months, and from the two meetings I have had with him, he seems to have not missed a beat."

"But you can beat him?" He asked.

"I believe that the case is winnable, yes sir."

He nodded slowly. "You know of course if Silvers is found not guilty … well the Okinawans will say that we are just protecting our own and will demand their shot at him." He held up his hand. He didn't want her to respond. "Good night, Colonel."

"Good night, sir." She said.

He stepped out and then back in. "One more thing, Colonel."

"Sir?"

"It is odd going up against your ex-husband?" He smiled. "I mean does it give you an advantage or is there a ton of other baggage that is – well – distracting."

Mac was at a loss. "Commander Rabb and I worked in the same office for many years, sir." She started. "We were opposing counsel many times as well as working on the same side. I think that has given me a little more insight to what his strategy might be."

"Very well, Colonel." He left.

Mac sunk down into her chair. The base CO had a reputation for being fair and open minded, however no one gets to that position without being politically minded. She wondered if this was a warning to her or just some good advice. Don't lose.

She checked the clock on the wall again. Where the hell was Harm? If he had made it back, he would have called. She left him something that should have brought up a nice memory – or two – and she was hoping for a response. Maybe he wasn't back yet. Maybe he didn't feel it needed a response. Mac leaned back in her chair and thought back to an easier time.

**f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**1246 EST – March 2005  
JAG HQ  
Fall Church, VA**

Mac has been staring at the same six files all night. She was missing something. She knew it. She would find it if she had to stay up all night. She was alone in the JAG offices. Bud had offered to stay and so did three Petty Officers and a new JG, but Mac had sent them all home. There was no reason for all of them to lose sleep. She wasn't sure if there was really something to find or if she just couldn't let it go.

Harm had called at 2330 to see if she was coming home, but she told him that it would be an all nighter. He offered anything he could, but she told him 'thanks, no thanks' and sent him off to bed. It was not that she didn't think he could help, but he had been working pretty hard as his new job and then hours at home working on the house. She didn't think it was fair to drag him in to her haystack looking for a needle that probably didn't exist.

She must have heard the elevator door ding, but when Harm was standing in her door way with a picnic basket she was startled.

"I didn't mean to scare you." He said coming in. "Just thought you needed something to eat." He set the basket down and started pulling containers out.

"Thanks, Harm." She dismissed. "But I already ate."

"Really." He challenged. "What did you eat?"

For the life of her she couldn't remember. She checked her trashcan hoping to find evidence of Chinese or pizza, but nothing was there.

"Like I thought." He smiled. He could tell that she was too focused to do anything for herself. He had a good suspicion that she hadn't even eaten lunch. He was not about to challenge her on it, she was his wife not his child – but he still wanted to take care of her.

"So … eat." He placed a container of pasta salad in front of her and sat down in the guest chair. "Walk me through it … I can help."

"Harm." She started to protest but the food made her realized how hungry she was. She dove in and nearly inhaled what was there. He pointed out that there were other things that he had brought, bread, salad, fruit etc – not to mention dessert. It was an honest to goodness picnic. "Thank you." She said when she was able to breathe. "This is exactly what I needed."

"Good." He was pleased that he was able to get her to take a break. He poured her a glass of sparkling water. "So tell me what you are looking for … what you hope to find."

Strengthened by the food and his insistence about knowing about the case, she went through everything she had. "I am missing something."

He was serious and was intent on helping her. "I'll say … you are missing what the defense has."

"Excuse me?" She craned her neck.

"What are they using as a defense?" He repeated.

"The defense?" She asked.

"You need to cut them off at the knees … what are they using?"

Mac sat up. It was so simple. It hadn't occurred to her to look at the case from the other side. She pulled the approved witness list. "The girlfriend?"

"The girlfriend?" Harm repeated.

"I thought she was there to give him an alibi, but maybe not." She started digging until she found her interview with the girlfriend. Everything became as clear as a bell. She knew exactly what the defense had in mind, and knew how to prevent it. "How do you do that?" She asked flipping through files and writing notes.

"Can't tell you all my secrets." He grinned. "Fresh eyes, baby … that's all."

Again Mac craned her neck. "I hate it when you call me that."

Harm came around the desk and started rubbing her shoulders as she worked.

She tried to stop him; it was distracting.

"Mac … take a break … it will all still be there in 10 minutes."

She placed her hand on his. "Harm, if you start that … 10 minutes won't be enough."

"So fifteen." He smiled and reached around to undo the top few buttons of her uniform blouse.

"Harm?"

"It is one o'clock in the morning … loosen up." He encouraged.

"Harm." She moaned. Clearly he had gotten to her.

He pulled her back from the desk and made her lean back in the chair. "Relax … put yourself in my hands … fifteen minutes and you will be good to go." He whispered. He continued to massage her tired muscles and some how had gotten the rest of the buttons undone and had nearly pulled her jacket free. "You are so tight baby … I should lay you out and give you a full body massage." He whispered close to her ear.

She moaned her approval. He was working her just right.

"Home?" He asked after a moment his strong hands never letting up.

She was lost in the sensation. "Work to do." She said in a far away voice. "Court in the morning." She had no thoughts of court or the work that she still had left to do.

With her jacket off and her blouse loose he was able to really reach down and work the long muscles in her back and her neck. That netted him loud audible moans. It hadn't been his intention, but clearly that massage should have been done in the privacy of their own home – preferably the bedroom. He couldn't stop himself – she was offering herself up to him, he didn't remember her ever being that pliable. He leaned down and kissed her neck. She whimpered and arched to allow him greater access. The massage forgotten, he turned her in his arms and pulled her completely to him. The kiss was searing and made them both go weak in the knees.

"Harm?" She was able to squeak out when they pulled away for a moment.

"We'll lock the door" was his too simple response before renewing the kiss.

**e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**R-I-N-G … R-I-N-G … R-I-N-G **

Mac was rudely brought back to the present.

"MacKenzie." She croaked still lost in a dream from years ago.

"Hey, where are you?"

His voice sent a shiver down her spine "The office." She cleared her throat.

"What are you still doing there?" Harm played. "Decided to take the case, huh? Worried about facing me in court? Worried that I would chew Lorenzo up and spit him out?"

It was hard to contain her smile. "Just finishing a few things up."

"Thanks for the basket." He said. "How did you know it was just what I needed?"

"A good guess." She leaned back in her chair. There was something very pleasant about having him so close and them working – if not together – at least the same case.

"A great guess." He countered. Every muscle in his body hurt and he groaned as he stretched.

"Hard day at the office?" She mocked.

"I can handle it." He owned.

"Were you able to do what you needed to do today?" She asked.

"Who's asking?" He toyed back to her with a mouth full of pasta salad.

"Just me."

"Then no … must have hit every brick wall on the island."

"I'm sorry." She said sincerely.

He believed that she meant it. "And I have a crook in my neck that I just can't seem to get rid of."

"Need a massage." She said more seductively than she had wanted to.

"Offering?" He queried hopefully.

"My walls have ears." She reminded him.

"Ah … but the lock on my door works."

A pregnant silence filled the line. She wanted to say that she would be right over; he was hoping she would, but didn't want to press. He held his breath.

There was a knock on his door. "Now that's what I call service." He suggested thinking it was Mac.

"It's not me." She smiled mildly grateful for the interruption.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Honestly, so was she.

No one was at the door. He stepped out but didn't see anyone. There was a small envelope stuck inside the doorframe. He pulled out the contents: two pictures. The first was of two marines (one being Silvers) and a woman and other of the second marine and the woman. On the back of that one was written: "the girlfriend has a brother."

"Harm?" Mac voiced called from the phone in his hand. "Harm are you there?"

"Yeah … sorry … I think someone is trying to help me." He was asking as much as commenting.

"How?"

"This didn't come from you?" He asked.

"Harm, you have been given full disclosure. Anything I have, you have."

"As pertains this case." He corrected.

"What are you talking about?" She was a little confused.

"Mac, I am going to need to ask for a continuance, if only for a day."

"Not a good idea Harm."

"Why not?"

She didn't want to tell him but she had to. "The base commander came by to see me tonight. He implied that this is more of a local matter and that it should be turned over to the Okinawan government."

Harm sat down. "So what are you going to do?"

"It is not entirely up to me, but I was able to convince him that we should have the first opportunity to prosecute our own."

"He agreed?"

"He agreed. But if this is going to turn into a circus, he will change his mind."

Harm sighed. "No circus, Mac. Just trying to get justice done here."

"As am I."

"I know." Harm shook his head. "So if I get this guy off, he will still have to deal with the Okinawan government."

"Unless you can get him off by finding the person who is actually responsible." She told him.

"That is not typically what the defense does." He reminded her. "Isn't that your job?"

She smiled. "Come on Harm … when was the last time you pulled a rabbit out of your hat."

"So no circus, but magic is ok?" He laughed. "A little slight of hand."

"You have always been great with your hands." She smiled back.

"Oh Sarah …" He groaned. "You better not just be playing with me." He warned her.

"You know me Harm." She leaned back in her chair. "I don't like games where there are only losers."

"As long as there can be two winners."

* * *

**End Chapter Seven - TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

Title: **Letting the Days Go By **or** Old Relationships, New Friends  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Eight  
Spoilers/Prereqs: Sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships  
Written: Winter 2005  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators.

* * *

Thank you. Sorry it took so long, wrestling with the muse – damn she is strong willed. Lots of case advance here but sprinkled with shipper moments.

* * *

**Letting The Days Go By**  
Chapter Eight

**  
1115 LOCAL - January 10, 2008  
Court Rooms JAG****  
Okinawa Japan**

Lt. Commander Lorenzo was fit to be tied. Mac could be seen ordering him to stand down. Harm had already left the courtroom not even attempting to hide his amused expression. Livingston caught up with him.

"What the hell just happened in there?"

"We caught a break." Harm kept walking. "Probably the first and last one."

"What about those motions to suppress and all that other - " He kept pace with Harm.

"The judge will deny those … and the continuance … we have – AT BEST … 22 hours."

"So you finally believe us?" Livingston asked.

"What I believe is irrelevant … I am doing what I can … and part of that is tracking down Silvers' girlfriend."

"Kim?" He asked. "What does Kim have to do with this?"

"Maybe nothing, maybe everything." Harm decided that this guy might be his fastest source. "Who's Kim's brother?"

"Brother?" Livingston asked.

"Yes, BROTHER." Harm pulled out the photo of Kim, Silvers and some other Marine.

"What the hell?" Livingston was clearly surprised.

"You know this guy?"

"I have seen him around but never with Silvers." He scrubbed his hand across his face. "This guy is bad news."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that that guy is no marine … I don't care what costume he's wearing …"

"Name?"

"Harrison … Hammond … Henson … something like that … don't know his first name … he is American … gets on base some how …"

"How?" Harm asked.

"No clue … but he is a civilian … some kind of transporter … you know … a shipper."

Harm noticed Mac walking toward him. "See if you can dig anything up on this guy … an address might be nice." He shooed him away quickly.

Mac approached. "I see you haven't lost your … touch." She said a little too full of herself.

"Mac I needed that continuance."

"There was nothing wrong with the chain of custody Harm … you know that." She challenged.

"If that is the case, then the judge will see it that way."

She smirked – the kind that is normally seen from Harm. "You don't know who Judge Akins is, do you?"

"No." Harm was beginning to get annoyed. She should be royally pissed at him at the moment; he did everything he could to make her look bad in there – if not personally at least her command. Instead she looked rather pleased with herself. "Should I?"

"Well." She stated. "He is the only judge who was never a lawyer. He hates lawyers and the only thing he hates worse than lawyers are lawyer tricks. He will give you the benefit of the doubt ONCE … but after that you are SCREWED … every objection, every motion, everything … you are screwed … and I don't just mean for this case. Every case after - even if your argument has merit." She crossed her arms across her chest. "You will have to work twice as hard to get him to side with you on any motion or objection or anything from here on out."

"Mac, I needed more time." Harm pleaded his case to the one person who could not help him.

"I wasn't going to fight you on the continuance." She stated simply.

"But you said last night-." He argued.

"I said that it was not a good idea, and I still don't think it is." She smiled. "But honestly, you just got here … you need more time. I don't want this case to look like we rushed it through – regardless of the outcome."

"So why didn't you stop me?" He asked.

"You never gave me a chance." She explained. "You haven't changed."

"What does that mean?"

"For good or bad you always assume the worst of your opponent." She smiled. "Sometimes that works to your advantage, but some times it back fires." She looked over her shoulder at Lorenzo who was waiting for her. "I suppose you had no reason to think I would have cut you any slack." She looked back at Harm. "When was that last time we faced each other in court?"

"It has been a long time." He smiled. "But I see you have honed some skills."

"Some of those I learned from you …" She gestured for Lorenzo to go on without her. " … the hard way."

"And others?"

"Time and experience." She explained.

"Like letting me shoot myself in the foot?" He asked.

"You don't usually do stuff like that … but again, you're out of your element."

"I won't make that mistake again." He smiled. "Guess I need a guide … someone to show me the ropes."

"I can assign someone to assist you." She offered.

"Not you?"

"This is now my case Harm … had to set Lorenzo second chair, he can't control his buttons yet."

"You can?" He asked.

"Oh the buttons are still there, and they have the same effect – it is just my response is no longer a knee jerk."

"Just so long as I know I can get through." He said suggestively.

She shook him off. "What about this new information?" She asked changing the subject. "Or were you making that up too."

"I am under no obligation to share this with you." He stated. "But, I think I should … I think this lead is something real."

Harm showed Mac the picture. She did have some information to share about the other man in the picture. His name was Frank Henderson. He had come to Japan on his only tour with the marines - 10 years ago. Since he has been skirting legal entanglements and pretty much comes and goes in Japan at will. He's a Japanese-American who often had business on base – was he the local rep for a shipping business that does a lot of work for the military. If he was the brother of Kim Nekobuta (Silvers' girlfriend), she was unaware of that. Mac seemed to suggest that the local authorities were interested in speaking with him about a murder that took place six months ago, but have yet to find that he is on the island. It was believed that he had gone back to the USA.

Harm put forth a theory that Henderson may have set Silvers up. Mac believed that Henderson – if he was involved –is probably letting Silvers take the fall, but regardless Silvers was involved.

"So where can I find the girlfriend?" Harm asked.

"You have her name, address and place of employment in one of the files I gave you."

"You didn't check her out." He asked.

"She had nothing to add." Mac shrugged.

"There is something more." He tucked the picture back into his coat pocket. "Thanks Mac." He started to walk away.

"Harm." She called to him.

He looked back and waited.

"Nothing." She looked shy.

"Nothing?"

"Be careful, huh?"

"My middle name." He flashed her a toothy grin and continued.

He was disappointed in that meeting. It was a little too much like old times – all business. Not all their encounters could be full of innuendo and double entendre and God knows it would get old the longer it didn't pay off, but he didn't want to waste a minute of the time they had. He needed to some how win her over. To remind her about what was great about them and to get her to see that they should be together.

Of course he was not being practical. There was no way he was going to give up JAG HQ to play house-husband to Mac in Okinawa and he would never expect her to give up her command to come back to Washington. As he drove to Kim Nekobuta's home, he realized that wooing Mac and trying to win her back was a fool's errand. If they did agree – if Mac finally owned that the divorce was a mistake, what was their next move? It would be figuring out how to live with 17 hours between them for an indefinite period of time. He didn't want that life either. What he really wanted was to roll the clock back three years and start the whole thing again. But that wasn't going to happen either.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

1420 LOCAL - January 10, 2008  
Fly By Night Shipper  
Okinawa Japan

Nekobuta was not at her residence. He proceeded onto her work. She worked at a shipping company – Fly By Night – as a bookkeeper. When Harm was pulling into the place, his phone rang.

"Rabb … Livingston, what did you find out? … Where? … You're sure … Tennessee? … Fine. … Where did you get this information? … Yes I do … Livingston … I'll accept that – for now." Harm ended the call.

Livingston had informed Harm that the brother – half brother – was Frank Henderson who was the local rep for Fly By Night Shippers. The scuttlebutt was that he was in Tennessee and hadn't been in Japan for over three months. Livingston would not give up his source; Harm presumed that it was Silvers. There was something in Livingston's tone that wasn't quite so cocksure.

Harm proceeded into find Kim Nekobuta. What he found was woman in her early 40s who was clearly the queen of her little world. She had three people working for her who all jumped when she spoke. Harm didn't speak much Japanese but he understood enough of tone to know that she was very unpleasant to these women. When she looked up at Harm – in his dress blues and easy smile – her demeanor changed from overlord to seductress.

"Yes commander." She said in English with only a hint of a Japanese accent that Harm assumed was more for effect than out of necessity.

"You are Kim Nekobuta?" He asked.

She sidled up next to him. "And you are?"

"I am Commander Harmon Rabb." He told her. "I am here to talk to you about --."

"Jack Silvers … I know … I have nothing to say." She said quickly still trying to hang on to her flirt.

"I see … so you and --."

"Jack and I are through … I told him not to get involved, but he wouldn't listen to me."

"Involved?" Harm asked.

"With me … he thinks he loves me … he thinks he can't live without me … he says that I am his sun and his moon." She playfully rolled his eyes, but clearly she loved the idea that she could just throw men a way that worshipped her.

She was so full of herself; Harm was hard pressed not to smile. "I see." He motioned for them to sit down. "When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"The night the idiot broke out of jail – the brig." She corrected. "I had sent him a letter breaking it off. I told him to stop writing to me and stop calling. I told him that I wanted nothing more to do with him."

"And?"

"And he called me from base, just before the shore patrol found him."

Harm was not sure if this woman could give Silvers character reference or not – assuming Silvers was not guilty. If he was guilty – then she was probably up to her neck in it as well.

"Do you know that I have been hauled in by the police for …" She made elaborate quotation marks with her hands. "…'questioning' at least seven times in as many days?"

"What can you tell me about Frank Henderson?" Harm asked, as if out of the blue.

"Nothing." She stated quickly.

"You know him?" He asked.

The edge crept back into her voice. "I am sure you know I do … I am sure you know that he is my half-brother --- you know what they say Commander, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family."

"You work here together." He pressed.

"If you want to call what Frankie does here work." She waved him off. "He is not in Japan anymore … he is back in the states and that is where he belongs."

"Do you know if Frank and Silvers knew each other … did any business together, were just friends."

"I have no idea." She stated. It was then that Harm was sure she was lying. "Look, Jack and I have only dated a couple of times. We partied … that was all … he is a good guy … a little stupid, but a good guy."

"But you broke up with him."

"He is not my type … I like them taller and smarter." She cooed. "And from what I understand he will be going away soon and for a very long time."

At that Harm smiled his best come hither smile. "Well it is my job to make sure that doesn't happen." His eyes shone. "Can you help me?"

The struggle was evident in her expression. She wanted to believe that Harm was coming on to her, but she couldn't give anything away. "I am sorry, Commander I can't."

He stood to leave.

"But if you would like to have dinner sometime – I find that my calendar is open." She returned his smile ten fold.

"I'll keep that in mind."

He left and looked back through the window. Kim was in a heated phone conversation with someone. He drove around the corner and waited. About ten minutes later, Kim came flying around the corner. She was going so fast there was no way she could have noticed Harm. He certainly noticed her and followed.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**1530 Local - January 10, 2008  
JAG Offices****  
Okinawa Japan**

Mac was sitting at her desk wondering what she would do with the new information that was presented to her. The ante was definitely upped, but she still had an undeniable feeling that she was being forced down a particular path to gain a desired result and not just about the case.

It was Harm. Something stirred in her when she thought about him, about him being there, about his obvious desire to get back together. It was flattering, ego boosting and for the first time in a very long time she felt like a woman first again. He loved her; she had never stopped loving him. He no longer appeared to be a shadow of his former self and if they did get back together then they both knew what they were getting into. They would not be deluding themselves about anything and they knew many of the pitfalls that can derail a marriage. So why not get back together? As Harm had said, no real damage was done. They hadn't wrecked anything. It was logical, it was reasonable, it was clear and it was the right path. Why did she feel like she was being forced down that one too?

Her cell rang. She was expecting it to be Harm.

"Gates." She answered after checking the caller ID.

"Hey baby, what's up?" Gates was always up when she called Mac. She made of point of it. It was actually her plan to make Mac so homesick that she would have to come back.

"All kinds of stuff." She laughed. "Including my blood pressure."

"Ah … so Rabb is right there with you?"

"Stop … it has nothing to do with Harm." Mac turned in her chair and lowered her voice remembering Harm's comment that her walls have ears.

"Nothing? Or not everything?" Gates asked.

"Why are you pushing so hard for this … and how did you know he was here?"

"Someone has got to feed the cats, girlfriend." She said simply. "And why I am pushing so hard for this is because it's good for you."

"Gates the harder you push, the harder Harm pushes, the more I want to resist."

Gates let out a breath. "Fine, I won't push. I won't even bring it up."

They were silent for a moment.

"Gates?"

"He is saying all the right things, isn't he?" She launched back in ignoring her previous comment.

"Thought you weren't going to bring it up."

"He got to you. You are finally questioning yourself. Good for him."

"No – not good for him. Not good for me." She nearly cried.

"Do you believe him … or is he just saying was he needs to say to gain his objective – like most men."

"Harm is not like that." She defended him.

"So?" Gates asked. "What are you going to do?"

"What am I supposed to do, Gates?" She spit back. "What do you people want from me?"

"Baby, this always been your problem. It is not about what we want from you, it's what you want for yourself." Gates was worried that Mac might bring up the damn baby issue again, but she hoped that Mac had learned to accept it.

"That is not helpful." Mac stated.

"Yes it is … and if you ask yourself … if you really take the time to listen … maybe you will hear."

Mac nearly laughed. "Did you join a cult? Or find religion or something?"

"Maybe what you have been searching for is right outside your back door."

"Thank you Auntie Em."

"Look Mac … I am really going to stop pushing. Maybe you do know what is best for you. Maybe your career is all you really want out of life. Not all women are meant to be partnered. I sure as hell am proof of that. Never understood those 'death do you part' marriage vows. Maybe Rabb is just not the right guy for you … too much history and most of it not great." She sighed. "So, from now on I am here to listen and love you … no judgments, no pushing – no advice." She stated.

"Gates, if I didn't have your judgments, your pushing and your constant UNSOLICITED advice – how would I get through a day?" Mac laughed.

Gates did too. But she actually meant it this time. She had meddled her last in the affair of Harm and Mac.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**1845 Local - January 10, 2008  
VOQ****  
Okinawa Japan**

Harm let himself into his quarters. He has spent the last several hours following Nekobuta hoping she would lead to something. She had run some errands and gone home and stayed there. Harm finally decided that he was wasting his time. He would need to talk to Silvers again and find out what exactly he would discover if he kept pursuing the girlfriend and the brother. From the looks of things it would only strengthen the prosecution's case.

He was in the process of changing out of his blues into something more comfortable when a knock came on his door.

"Mac?" He stepped back to let her in.

She smiled weakly and entered. "Henderson was found." She stated simply.

"Oh?" He asked.

"Looks like he never made it back to the states."

"Where was he found?"

"In the morgue." She sat down. "He was listed as a John Doe – a drowning victim – allegedly." She shrugged. "It was a screw up in the system. His fingerprints were on file. He should have been IDd at the time." She almost laughed. "Do you know who discovered it? … My petty officer … she just stumbled across it and put the pieces together."

"How long?" Harm sat down across from her.

"It was five months ago." She took a breath. "Harm, we need to talk to Silvers about what he knows about this."

"You think Silvers did this?" He asked.

"I don't know." She stated. "But in light of the evidence you showed me this morning and some other information that links Silvers and Henderson, we need to talk to him and we need his lawyer present."

"What other information?"

Mac pulled a file from her brief case. "I have spoken to Judge Akins and he has cancelled the morning session pending the filing of new charges."

"OK." He was thinking quickly. "May I speak to him first?"

"Of course."

Mac had delivered her message. She should have left. But she remained.

"Something else Mac?" He asked.

"Harm … this thing … between you and me … you confuse me … you always have."

He didn't like her tone of voice. It was tentative and scared. "Is that a good thing?"

"No." She said simply. "You keep me off balance."

"I won't let you fall, Sarah."

"I know that." She looked into his face. "In my head, I know that … I also know that if I did fall, I could pick myself up."

"But?"

"But … I don't know … I don't know how to describe it."

"Try." He encouraged her gently.

She thought for a moment and then laughed a little. "You know what I was thinking the other night … I was thinking that we either never should have met, or we should have gotten together the first day." She looked down remembering their first days together running around the Arizona desert. "God you were sexy … "

"Was?" He mocked hurt.

"…in a I-can-have-any-girl-I-want-and-have kind of way." She shook her head. "That damn wife beater t-shirt and those awful shorts."

"Where do you think we would be now if we did get together that first day?" He played along.

She shook her head. "Probably enemies; making each other's life a living hell." She looked up at him. "Or worse … not speaking at all – not even friends."

He nodded. That was certainly possible. They were both very immature when it came to relationships back then. "And if we had never met?" He asked.

She got a very sad look on her face. "I have no idea … but I don't think I would be where I am today if it weren't for you – career wise."

"So at least one thing good came out of our meeting." He stated like he was holding up a consolation prize.

"Harm a lot of very great things have come from having you in my life." She took his hand. "I love you … I always will … you have to know that."

"I do … I think I do." He leaned back taking her hand with him. "So what are we doing, huh? I mean, I screwed up … I'm sorry … I know it's not that simple … but it has to be easier than this."

"We both screwed up, Harm." She pressed his hand. "But I don't think there is a simple answer."

"Is there an answer?" He asked.

"Probably more than one." She admitted slipping her hand out of his. "You have some work to do."

"We are not done with this conversation, are we?" He asked.

"No." She smiled weakly at him. "Not at all."

He walked her to the door. "Sarah." He stopped her. "I need you to meet me part of the way on this thing."

"The case?" She smiled knowing that it was not the case he was talking about. "I know … and I will … OK?"

He nodded sadly.

She touched his face and brought her lips to his for a safe chaste kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow." She slipped from the room.

"In my dreams." He corrected. "I'll see you in my dreams."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Mac slowly walked back to her office. She would not sleep that night. She had gotten better at knowing when she was going to have insomnia. She thought about going to the gym or taking a run, but instead she would get more work done. There was something about the case that was not sitting right with her. She still felt like she was being lead or pushed down a particular road. That too many "new" pieces of evidence were being brought to light at very appropirate times. Something was not right. Mac hated being pushed. The more force used to push her, the more she pushed back. It was time to push back in the case.

At 0300 she leaned back in her chair and let her mind spin at will about Harm and their history (she had been fighting it all night long – well for the past several days). Was Harm pushing her too? Or was he pulling? Or was he just opening the door and inviting her to step through? What about Gates? Gates wasn't actually pushing either. She was poking and prodding, but not pushing. Yet there was an undenaible feeling that someone or something was pushing her back to her marriage, back to a life that she had taken great pains to create and leave behind; back to a life that wasn't 100 percent, and had some major disappointments and away from this new life she was just getting started on. Whatever it was that was pushing so hard was causing Mac to dig her heels in. She could barely allow herself to luxury of thinking about it rationally.

She got up to look out the window. What was it that was pushing so hard? She caught site of her reflection in the window. She had her answer.

* * *

**End Chapter Eight ---**


	9. Chapter 9

Title: **Letting the Days Go By **or** Old Relationships, New Friends  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Nine  
Spoilers/Prereqs: Sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships  
Written: Winter 2005  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. 

**

* * *

Letting The Days Go By****  
Chapter Nine**

**  
0546 Local - January 11, 2008  
Fly By Night Shippers****  
Okinawa Japan**

Harm shot out of bed at 0300. There was another player. He was sure of it. He also didn't believe that Silvers was as innocent or as dumb as he was expecting everyone to believe. Kim Nekobuta was in it up to her neck, but there was someone else. Harm's first thought was Livingston, but he had no real reason to suspect him. It was a gut feeling. Harm didn't act on his gut feelings as much as he had in the past, but he did keep an open mind. He also wondered if Henderson was really the drowning victim. It seemed odd to him that the body would have gone unidentified and the conveniently identified when Silvers was about go down. The actual body had long since been cremated. There were only files to confirm the ID – files that could have been tampered with. He decided that Fly By Night was probably also the key to this whole thing. He needed to get in there and look around which meant he had to charm Kim Nekobuta. He was supposed to have a meeting with his client at 0800 and Mac and her crew would be there at 1030. It didn't leave much time to wrap the whole thing up.

Harm parked his car down the street shortly after 0330 and watched. It had been a bustle of people all night long. It looked like they were getting ready for a major shipment. There was no sign of Nekobuta or anyone matching the description of Henderson. Harm waited.

At 0546 there was knock on the window just behind Harm's ear. He jumped at the sound; he hadn't heard anyone approach. He turned and was face to muzzle with a marine issue .45. He immediately put his hands on the dash.

"Get out." He was ordered. "Don't fuck up." Came the warning.

Harm slowly stepped out of the car and turned to face Jason Livingston.

"All you had to do was let Silvers go down." Livingston told him.

"You don't know me very well." Harm said evenly.

"All the evidence was there." Livingston protested.

"Yeah." Harm nodded. "You made sure of that."

"You just couldn't let it go." Livingston pressed.

"My client had an advocate that kept me motivated." Harm nearly smiled.

"Ha." Laughed Livingston. "Hoisted by my own petard."

"Something like that."

"I suppose there is no way to pay you off."

Harm shook his head.

"So I am going to have to kill you too."

"Too?" Harm asked. "You killed Henderson?"

Livingston laughed. "Frankie ain't dead … in fact he is waiting at the other end for this stuff." He gestured over his shoulder."

"And the body that was ID'd as Henderson?"

"Some poor bastard that didn't know when to quit." He motioned for Harm to move toward the warehouse. "Kind of like you."

"Killing me will only prove that Silvers was not acting alone."

"Silvers will escape again … shortly before you were to meet him this morning … it is so hard to keep that man locked up."

"And then what?"

"Who knows?" He pushed Harm into a back room. "I'm making this up as I go along."

"I doubt that."

Harm saw a shadow come from behind him; a massive hit to the head and then it was lights out.

**OOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Mac watched as Livingston directed Harm into the back of the warehouse. She had been following Livingston since she saw him out her office window with her petty officer at 0330. They were clearly involved. Mac's first thought was that fraternization charges would be the least of Livingston's concerns but it would make for icing on the cake and would remove her petty officer from duty for good. She knew that Livingston would lead her to something, but when she arrived at the Fly By Night Shippers it was too late for her to warn Harm.

She was scoping the area out, determining her best way in and contemplating calling for back up. She was not sure whom she would call, and she damn sure didn't want to go blasting in there with a bunch of SPs or local cops and get Harm killed. Moments later she saw Livingston reemerge without Harm. She hadn't heard a gunshot so she took solace in that and presumed that Harm was still alive. Livingston was on the phone to someone. He ended the call when he saw Kim Nekobuta come around the corner. She stopped in front of him, tossed her phone on the seat next to her and got out. She immediate wrapped her arms around him and he pushed her up against the car and kissed her hard.

"You are a piece of work." Mac mumbled under her breath. Livingston pushed Nekobuta off roughly. An argument ensued. She couldn't catch all the words, but it was clear that Livingston was telling Nekobuta to do something that she didn't want to do. She was refusing. She shoved him back and got a hard slap to the face for her efforts. She slapped at him and scratched his face, but Livingston was too strong. He grabbed her hands and pinned her arms behind her back and spoke directly into her face. Nekobuta struggled. He finally freed her and gestured for her to go. She slapped him again. He shoved her roughly into the car, pushed her over and took a seat behind the wheel. They were still arguing as they drove off.

Mac made her way into the warehouse. There were several people who saw her but did not say anything. They would glance at the office and then back to their work. Clearly their 'boss' was in the office. Mac made a note to steer clear. A young man, he couldn't have been more than 16 or 17, gestured toward a room in the back. Mac carefully made her way back there. The door was locked. She was looking around for a way to open it when a commotion stopped her. She ducked behind some shelving. Livingston was back. He was barking orders at everyone and they all moved faster to comply. He disappeared into the office.

Mac went back to the door and tried to force it open. It would not budge. She had her weapon, but that would definitely bring Livingston down on her. She heard Harm groan behind the door.

"Harm?" She whispered.

He groaned again.

"Harm? Can you open the door from the inside?"

His voice was weak. "Mac?"

"Can you open the door from the inside?" She asked again.

"Tied up." He croaked out.

Mac let out her breath. At least he wasn't dead. "Don't go any where, I'll be right back."

Mac ducked back behind the shelves and called for back up. The shore patrol would keep Livingston busy and she could get to Harm. Until then she would guard the door.

The shore patrol arrived quickly but had no legal authority to enter the premise. Livingston knew that. The idea was to get him out of the building. But Livingston was too smart for them. He had instructed his men to not speak English and not reveal that he was there. He came back into the warehouse and made arrangements to be taken away in a van. He approached the door to take Harm with him: a little insurance. He was just about to pull his weapon, when Mac approached him from behind. She took the weapon from him and told him to get down on his knees, hands on his head.

"You have no right to be here, Colonel." He told her.

"You want to prove that in court?" She took the keys away from him and called for the SPs to come in and back her up. When she was sure that he was not going anywhere, she opened the door. "I know a good lawyer you could call." Harm was lying on the floor, his hands tied behind his back. "Maybe not. Think he will be prosecution's chief witness … unless I let the locals handle this."

**OOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**1900 Local - January 11, 2008  
VOQ  
Okinawa Japan**

"I say again, very well done Mac." Harm said as he stepped aside to let her precede him into the room.

"This was your doing Harm." She dismissed. "I would have let Silvers take the wrap for everything and never looked further. You are the one that kept me thinking about this case."

"Don't be humble Mac … you linked 12 marines to this little operation, wiped some pretty nasty egg off the American face here in Japan and you saved my life." He smiled. "Thank you."

"Saving your life was all I was thinking about as soon as I saw Livingston leading you into the warehouse."

"Thank God for Marine training."

She waved him off. "This was a joint operation, Harm ... And we never would have been able to connect the other marines if it were not for Livingston's arrogance. Can you believe he kept accurate records?"

Harm sat down. "Not sure what was going through his head."

"And you pressed Nekobuta?" Mac smiled and sat across from him. "She is going down for a long time."

"They picked up Henderson in Texas."

She smiled. "It was a good day's work." She stretched and yawned. "It was a long day's work … I haven't slept in … I can't remember when …what day is it?"

"Not sure …10th or 11th… I think."

"So who gave you the picture of Henderson and Nekobuta?" She asked.

"I thought it was Livingston, but who knows … maybe Silvers didn't want to take the wrap alone."

They sat in silence for a moment, thinking over the day's events. Mac head was still spinning about the case and all the repercussions.

Harm had something else in mind. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to the next question, but he had to ask. "You were in with the base commander for a long time."

"He was very impressed … he doesn't impress easily."

"So you are getting a promotion out of this?" He pushed.

Mac couldn't contain her smile.

"Good for you … you will finally out rank me … by a whole grade rather than time in service."

"Harm." She didn't want him to feel slighted.

"I think it's great. You deserve it." He sounded sincere and he actually was. "Hell you should have gotten it when you took over here." He leaned back and really looked at her. "You belong in command - it suits you."

She nodded slowly. "It does feel pretty good and I am not as tentative about my decisions as I thought I would be." She meant her work decisions, her personal decisions she would never be sure of.

Harm nodded. "It fits you like a glove."

"Thank you."

They sat silent for a moment. They both knew what was next. They had to talk about their relationship. Harm was headed back to Washington the next day. He would have taken a couple of extra days, but he couldn't. Admiral Schnarr was not impressed that he nearly got himself killed. She was going to be harder to deal with than AJ about those kinds of incidents.

"So … what do we do now?" He asked.

"Now?"

"Well, I am leaving tomorrow …" He blurted the next out. "Are we status quo or do we have stuff to talk about?"

She had been entertaining what she would say all day, but hadn't yet formed any real conclusions. "We have some things to talk about." She said simply knowing that it was anything but simple.

"I think we could make it work." He said trying to convince himself as much as her.

"What?"

"Separate duty stations … I think we could make it work … for a while … it might be good for us … the RUT factor would be gone."

"We both work so hard and so many hours…" She agreed. "… We would probably have more quality time if we focused on leaves and TDYs."

"True."

Mac shook he head. "No, this is not right."

"What?"

"Harm you are jumping to the end." She sighed. "We can't skip over the hard part."

"In the interest of time?" He pressed.

"In the interest in what is best for us." She leaned forward. "Don't make it too easy for me."

"Do you want to?"

"Harm." She shook her head implying that that was not the right question.

"If it's 'no' then we have nothing more to talk about, and if it is 'yes' then all we need to do is work out the logistics."

She got up and moved away from him. "We can't do this in 12 hours even if we were wide awake."

"I realize that." He leaned back. "But we can make a start."

She turned back to him. "Harm I hurt you … I broke us up … don't you even want an apology?"

"You didn't do it alone, and for the record … I never thought of us as broken up." He shrugged. "Just another bump in the road … another chapter in the never ending saga that is you and me."

"You never thought of us as broken up, huh?" She asked. "So what was Nea?" The words fell out of her mouth before she knew it. She had no intention of bring her up. It came out of nowhere.

"Nea?" He looked down. "Damn Gates has a big mouth."

"Harm, I am not saying anything … you have a right to see whomever you want to see … It is just … well … you were moving on and now you are pushing this agenda with me." She shrugged, "I guess I am just a little confused."

"Mac … stop. OK?" He took a deep breath. He ran his hand through his hair, loosened his tie and tried to remain calm. "What do you need to know about her? Do you need to know if we slept together … will that make a difference about whether or not you want --."

"No … please." She stopped him. "The less information I have … the better … I really don't want to know."

"So why did you bring it up?"

"Harm, we need time to talk through all the stuff that happened. Nea is something that happened … someone that happened." She slumped down in a chair across the room. "We need to understand and we need to figure out how not to let it happen again."

"Mac --."

"Harm." She stopped him. "Before we go any further, there are some things I need to say … some things I need to get off my chest." She shook her head. "I am not sure about all I want or need to say, so you are going to have to bear with me."

He nodded.

She took a deep breath, tried to organize her thoughts and started with the first thing that she was sure of. "I love you." She said not as easily as she knew it to be true. She thought he might read that as hesitation and needed to correct that impression. "There is no 'but' to that or 'however'. I love you." She smiled. "That I know for sure."

"That's a hell of a start." He smiled slightly.

"The other thing I know to be absolute fact is that I regret and am very sorry for … how do I say this … I'm sorry I divorced you. It was a mistake." She put up her hand. "I know you will say that there were two of us … and you will want to take you share of the responsibility … and I will let you own your share for everything else but that … that was my doing … that was my bad."

He was about to speak but she stopped him.

"Harm … I quit … I ran away … I left … I bailed … I didn't keep my promises …I didn't live up to my vows … and I am sorry." She wiped her hand across her face. It was hard saying all this, but not as hard as she thought it would be. "I am sorry for you, I am sorry for me, and I am sorry for the long term effect it will have on any relationship that we are able to carve out for ourselves. I am sorry."

These were issues for him too, but he would not have held her feet to the fire to explain them. But if she were going to, then he would like some answers. "So why did you?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you quit, bail, run away?"

She shook her head. "You know, until the other night … until you apologized for you part of our break up … I didn't exactly know … but now I do." She looked very uncomfortable. "The road to hell is not always paved with good intentions … sometimes it is paved with selfish, insecure, self-indulgent acts of a woman who won't accept reality and can't see the forest for the trees."

"What are you talking about?" He was truly lost.

"Harm, when I couldn't get pregnant … it destroyed every goal I had for myself … the only thing I have ever known for sure was that I wanted to have a baby … I wanted to be a mother … a biological mother." She sat down near him. "When that didn't happen … when it was not a matter of the wrong time and the wrong guy but still no dice … I lost myself … I lost what future I thought there was for me … It was not about you … it was not about us … it was about me … and MY failure and how the universe had once again STUCK it to me." She was actually embarrassed to have to admit that. "And I threw myself one hell of a pity party and blamed the world for not allowing me to have the only thing I ever wanted."

He nodded. "I was no help, was I?"

"It wouldn't have mattered … I mean it might have mattered in time … but I looked at you, and how compliant you had become. I blamed myself for that too." She loosened her own tie. "When I first tried to accept that I would not have children, all of a sudden I didn't want anything that went along with that: not a husband or a home. Your not pushing or making any demands on me allowed me to drift further and further away until I couldn't remember what was good about us. There was no reason to stay together."

"It must have been a very lonely time for you." He said gently, really trying to understand what she was feeling.

"It was difficult and yes it was lonely … I remember being guarded all the time thinking you were going to bring up adoption or surrogacy." She smirked. "How selfish I was to not even seriously entertain those plans … it felt like settling … and I was so tired of settling in my life. Chris, Mic and even Webb were all men I settled on. My position at JAG was a settlement."

"I don't understand that."

"Harm, I never wanted to be a lawyer … it was not my first goal in life … I didn't have a family so I built a career while I was waiting for the family part to kick in. Hell, I never would have thought of being a lawyer in the first place if John hadn't suggested it and that was only to get me out of his chain of command. And I never would have worked so hard at it if you didn't push me to be the best I could be."

"Wow … I never really knew that about you."

"And then our marriage --." She started and then saw the hurt in his eyes. "No … don't misunderstand … I didn't settle for you … I wanted you and we worked very hard to get together. No, you were not a settlement, but what we did settle on was you leaving a job you LOVED and were GREAT at, so we could be together. That was wrong … dead wrong. I won't forgive either of us for allowing that to happen --- and I damn sure won't let it happen again." She leaned over and took his hand. "Harm you have made way to many sacrifices for me and this last one nearly destroyed us and really screwed you up for a time."

"My decisions Mac … every one of them."

"I don't care … you have to be the man you are first or nothing else matters. And YES that may put strain on us too – it always did – but I would rather have that kind of strain than to live with the guilt that you were not doing what you wanted to do … or not acting they way you know you should because of some notion that the group is more important than the individual members."

"I don't know what to say, Mac."

"You don't have to say anything."

"I would have done … hell I still will … do anything to have you in my life."

"Why?" She was truly at a loss. "After everything I have done to you … how many times have I pushed you away … you should hate me … you should not want to give me the time of day."

He smiled and shook his head. "That is was love is Mac … truly unconditional love." He shrugged. "And with that internal clock of yours … you don't need me to give you the time of day."

"Are you sure you can trust me again?" She asked sincerely. "Are you sure you want to?"

He nodded slowly. "Like I said before, we didn't do anything to wreck it, we just let it slip away."

She smiled and leaned into him. "I do love you." She pulled him to her for a slight kiss.

"Good." He tried to pull her to him to 'seal the deal' but she wouldn't let him.

"Harm, there is a lot more to talk about."

"I know … I just have missed you so much."

She nodded and laced her fingers through his. "So have I."

"Can we stipulate on a couple of things … in the interest of time?" He asked.

"Like what?"

"That we want to be together … maybe not geographically at the moment … but in every other sense of the word … we are reconciled."

"I have few discussion points on that, but generally speaking … yes."

"Really?"

"Really … Harm, you will be the only man in my life and have been for more years than I care to admit. I am done throwing roadblocks in our way. I love you and I need only you in my life." She leaned forward and was met with a kiss that echoed her sentiment.

He whistled when it was over. "Well … that is the big one, huh?" He smiled. "The rest will be a piece of cake."

"Says you." She smiled and climbed on to his lap.

He pushed her back. "If you have more talking points sweet pea … you can't be doing that."

"I see your point." She slid off back onto the bed next to him.

"OK next item up … for the same reason you won't let me 'sacrifice' my career for our relationship, I can't let you do it either. That means until it is time for a change … a military time for a change … we will have to live with separate duty stations."

She didn't want to agree to that, but the idea of Harm moving to Japan or her giving up her post were just not reasonable. "I don't have to like it do I … the hours between us … the miles … the fact that we will not only be sleeping alone but at different times."

"I don't like it either, but it won't be forever." He said honestly, but he was so happy that she was willing to discuss a future together he was fine with it. "Ok." He took a deep breath. "It means that one other issue has been resolved for us … again, at least for now."

She looked down. "I know."

He lifted her head up so her eyes would meet his. "I told you that kids was not a deal breaker for me."

"And I am going to have to believe you." She said simply.

"You should … adoption and surrogacy or a damn miracle from God will never change how I feel about you … I love you Mac … first and foremost … I don't want or need anyone else in my life. A kid … regardless of how we get one will not change that. Mattie was enough to let me know that I am a very selfish man and don't want to change to be the appropriate father. It is a miracle that she turned out as well as she did."

"Mattie is a well adjusted kid … woman … We both had a hand in that … but we were thrown in at the deep end."

"I am not saying never Mac … but --- please don't take this wrong – but we can adopt any time … there is no clock counting down when we should do that – if we chose to do that at all … and right now neither one of us have time to give to a kid."

She was tearing up again. "Can we table this?" She asked.

"We can table it if you don't make any decisions without discussing it with me first --- don't go making stuff up in your head."

"OK."

"Mac?" He forced her to look at him.

"Ok."

"Ok … what else is there?"

She pressed his hand. "I need you to accept my apology." She said evenly.

"I do." He touched her face. "And you accept mine."

"I do."

"Harm?" She leaned into him. "I am not sure I can send you home tomorrow."

"I am not sure I can go … at least not without you."

"We'll make it work, won't we?"

"We will." With that he kissed her. There would be no more talking that night. It was time to connect on a different level.

* * *

OK ... Atonement made ... One more Chapter to bring it all home and tie it up in a bow. ... But which home? 


	10. Chapter 10

Title: **Letting the Days Go By **or** Old Relationships, New Friends  
By: Liz D****  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in **_Old Friends_** and **_Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter Ten  
Spoilers/Prereqs: Sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships  
Written: Winter 2005  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. 

**

* * *

**

**Letting The Days Go By  
Chapter Ten**

**  
October 12, 2008  
0115 EST****  
National Naval Medical Center****  
Bethesda Maryland**

"Here you go, sir." Bud handed Harm a fresh cup of coffee.

"Thanks, Bud."

"How long have they been in there?" Bud asked after a moment. He had only arrived at the hospital minutes before and offered to get Harm some coffee when he saw how rung out he was.

"Six hours." Harm said as he shook his head. He hated hospitals. The last time he was in one for something like this was when Mattie's father died. And that time the patient didn't fare too well.

"Gates?" Bud asked looking around.

"She went for a walk." He nodded toward the stairs.

"When was the last time you talked to the admiral?" Bud asked.

Harm had to think. "A couple of weeks ago … but he left a message on my cell phone earlier today."

"What did he say?" Bud thought that might be a clue.

Harm lost his train of thought. He wasn't thinking about the last conversation he had with AJ or the fact that he hadn't had a chance to return that day's call before he received the message from Vic saying that AJ had been shot and was in the hospital. For the last several hours he had been thinking about the time they served together: saving Francesca from her mafia boyfriend, AJ accidentally ejecting from the F14, AJ telling Harm that he was not a team player. Their relationship had lots of ups and downs. Harm had never gotten used to calling him 'AJ', but they were better friends in the past couple of years. Harm had (always did have) an immense amount of respect for the man.

Harm spilled his coffee on his sleeve. As he was wiping up the spill he noticed the stripes on his cuff. It meant a lot to him that AJ was there when he got the last one.

**f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**January 14, 2008  
0856 EST****  
JAG Headquarters****  
Falls Church, VA**

Harm was very nearly late, almost causing three accidents on the way to the office. He was exhausted. Staying up with Mac all Friday night 'reconciling' and then a 23-hour trip home and time zone changes, he hadn't fully recovered. He hadn't slept – thinking about Mac, thinking about the future, trying to figure out what he should do, what he wanted to do, if there was anything to do. He wasn't sure if he was happy or just plan relieved. Knowing that she loved him and wanted to figure out some kind of life was good, but in all honesty it was going to be a strain on the relationship living so far apart. They could handle it, but why should they have had to make those kinds of sacrifices when they had it all and just let it go? They had talked on the phone several times since his departure. It was good. It was great to hear her voice and in tones that he hadn't heard since the beginning of their relationship. There were no current regrets. They would figure it out some how.

When Harm got up that morning he thought it should have been Tuesday or Sunday. Thankfully Jennifer Coates gave him a wake up call with date and time stamp – actually three calls and an offer to come over and pick him up. He refused the last and promised he would make it to work on time. Harm was convinced that the admiral would have some very choice words for him over his behavior in Japan. Following a lead with no back up and no weapon was not only stupid but it was dangerous. Dealing with Admiral Schnarr would not be the same as dealing with AJ. AJ was a SEAL, he knew all about gut feelings and following your instincts. AJ knew all about taking risks. Schnarr on the other hand was BY THE BOOK – the book she very nearly wrote. Yes, Harm would have to answer to her and more than likely it would be first thing.

There was an odd feeling when he walked into the bullpen. All eyes were on him. Something was up.

"The admiral will see you now." Called the petty office that was clearly assigned to grab him as soon as he walked in the door.

Harm nodded. The good thing was that it would be gotten out of the way first thing, and he could lock himself in the office to write his report for the remainder of the day.

He walked into Admiral Schnarr's office when instructed to. She was not alone. AJ Chegwidden was there in suit and tie – not normally AJ's attire for a workday.

"Sir." Harm reached out his hand when he had been given the 'at ease' order. They shook hands warmly.

"So, Rabb … hear there was some excitement in Okinawa … should never leave you and MacKenzie alone like that." AJ smiled back at Schnarr.

"Yes sir."

"It went well?" AJ was not asking about the case. He was asking about Mac.

"Yes sir." He said easily. "Better than expected."

"Good."

"Yes, very well." Schnarr interrupted.

Harm turned his attention back to his CO.

"Order on deck." She commanded.

Harm snapped to attention.

"Commander Harmon Rabb." She read from the binder in her hands. "It is my honor and duty to inform you that as of January 1, 2008 you have been promoted to rank of Captain with all the duties, responsibilities and privileges that …"

Harm couldn't make sense of the rest of what she was saying. He was promoted? When? Why? How?

"Congratulations, Captain Rabb." Admiral Schnarr handed him the binder with her left hand and extended her other to congratulate him.

Harm took her hand and the binder but was still at a loss.

"Congratulations, Rabb." AJ slapped him on the back. "This has been a long time coming."

Harm still had no idea what do say. "I am a little confused."

"You should have gotten this promotion a year ago for all the work you did with the task force, but because of the war and all the red tape it was held up." Schnarr explained. "Better late than never."

"Thank you ma'am."

"This was supposed to be confidential, but I think the crew has gotten wise." She nodded to the bullpen.

"I am still a little confused." Harm said.

"You were supposed to be promoted when you took the position on the task force, it was an 06 commission. But because of the war, few promotions were handed out and usually only those for officers on the front lines." Schnarr explained. "It took me a little while to push this through."

"Thank you." He said again.

"Well deserved." She stated. "Well earned."

Harm felt anything but deserving for the work he did with the task force. He had kept up with the work being done there after he transferred back to JAG; he was still a major consultant for the group and an advisor to the SecNav. Things were changing. The president had lost the faith of the American public and the winds of change were already in the air. In the past months much of Harm's complaints of the red tape, inefficiency and non-cooperation between the military and the intelligence community were coming to light. Because of Harm, the Navy was not blindsided when confronted with the media. On more than one occasion he was asked personally to go on record, but being a Naval officer he was not permitted that kind of latitude. He remained cryptic, non-committal and supportive of the process in his responses. It was noticed by the administration – and more importantly the SecNav. Harm was a good officer and a good public face for the Navy.

Harm was ordered to go home and sleep for 24 hours before reporting for duty in the proper uniform. He went into the bullpen and received a round of applause and calls for a party. It was scheduled for Friday night. AJ followed Harm out to his car.

"Thank you for being here, sir."

"Wouldn't have missed it."

"How did you know?" Harm asked.

"SecNav and I are golfing buddies … he told me."

"So do I have you to thank for this?" Harm asked.

AJ took a deep breath. "Harm, we have not always agreed on your methods or practices. You have always put loyalty to your people and the people you care about above duty, but you rarely failed to do both. As a SEAL I have nothing but respect for that, as your CO …" He shook his head. "It caused me to lose a few more gray hairs." He expression got serious. "You earned it."

"Thank you."

"Son, if I was ever too hard on you, or when you disappointed me it was only because some damn stunt you pulled was hurting yourself and your career. You could still be JAG someday … if that's your goal. Hell," AJ slapped him on the back. "With that pretty boy face of yours, and that toothy grin … you could be president." He laughed. "And I'd be damned … but I'd vote for you."

"Thank you sir." Harm was smiling too.

"Rabb, you have it in you to do anything you set your mind to." He stepped back toward his own car. "If I had any piece of advice for you … Set your goals higher."

Harm nodded. He was sincerely touched. For the first time he actually understood what Mac was saying about AJ thinking of Harm like a son.

**e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**October 12, 2008  
0148 EST****  
National Naval Medical Center****  
Bethesda Maryland**

"Harm?" Bud asked again. "What did he say?"

Harm shook himself out of the memory. "What?"

"What did he say …in his message?" Bud clarified.

"Said he needed to talk … had to run something by me."

"About a case?" Bud asked.

"Yeah."

AJ had called Harm a couple weeks back to discuss a case about a retired Navy Warrant Officer who might have been involved with running weapons into and out of the Middle East. It was a big deal; some very influential people could have been involved. AJ was involved because the wife of said naval officer had reported him missing and could get no help from the police or the Navy. Harm thought nothing of it at the time, but after he learned of AJ's shooting, he wondered what else the admiral had found out.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Gates sat outside. It was freezing, but she didn't care. Her phone was set on vibrate and she finally felt it through the thick winter coat she was wearing.

"Yeah." She didn't bother to look at the caller ID.

"Gates honey, it's Mac." She sounded relieved to have finally gotten through. "How's AJ?"

"He will be fine." She stated adamantly. Gates was sick and tired of people asking her that. AJ had to pull through. They were getting married.

Mac knew this tone. It was Gates willing something to happen. "How are you?"

She sounded less confident. "Cold … it is really cold here in October … what the hell am I doing outside."

"Honey, I will be there tomorrow." Mac told her.

"Why?" If Mac were coming then Gates would have to admit that the situation was more serious than she was willing to accept. "Don't come here."

"Gates, I will be there tomorrow."

"I can't pick you up at the airport." She stated.

Mac knew that Gates was not thinking clearly. "I'll take a cab. Don't worry." She knew she needed to do something faster. "Honey, where are you?"

"Outside."

"Where outside?"

"By the emergency entrance … it is really busy here tonight … lots of sick people … really sick people."

"Ok … I will see you tomorrow."

Gates nodded and ended the call. She tucked the phone back into her pocket and pulled her coat around her. She watched as another ambulance pulled in and took someone in through the double doors. Gates wondered if that one would make it.

Harm was still talking to Mac when he stepped outside looking for Gates. Gates saw him right away and her heart froze. Harm ended the call and came over to her.

"No news." He put his arm around her and led her back inside. "It's cold out here."

"It's gonna snow." She said looking up at the sky. "It's not even Halloween."

"Yeah, I know."

"Harm?" She stopped him before they could get inside. "What do you think?" She asked afraid to hear the answer.

He shook his head. "I don't know … but I do know that AJ is a fighter and he will not give up without a hell of a fight."

"Yeah … a fighter." She looked down. "They said it was near his heart … they said they thought it had nicked something in there … they said-." She stopped herself.

"The best doctors are working on him." Harm pulled her close. "Everything that can be done is being done."

"You're right." She said forcing her tears back. "AJ said he gave his heart to me … you would think he would take better care of it."

Harm pulled her closer and led her inside.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**October 13, 2008  
2345 EST****  
Dulles International Airport**

Mac's plane was late. Harm had been waiting for over an hour. He didn't know what else to do. He could have gone back to the hospital but there was nothing to do but wait there. He had finally convinced Gates to go home and at least shower and change but he hoped that she would sleep for a few hours. AJ had made it out of surgery sometime after midnight. He was still in critical condition and in the ICU. The doctors were unwilling to make a final prognosis; they kept repeating that it could go either way. They wouldn't even say that were hopeful. They said he was a fighter like that was supposed to be news to the people that knew him.

Harm was done with the waiting game. He needed to take action. The conversation he had had with Vic hours before still played in his head. Vic was trying to retrace AJ's steps but there was something missing – actually a lot was missing. AJ must have put the pieces together quickly or he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The police were saying that it was a mugging. No one believed that. Harm told Vic that he would help as soon as he got Mac in and had Gates taken care of. But he had started making phone calls as soon as Vic left. He was getting stonewalled, and Harm hated that.

He didn't want to share too much with Mac on the cell phone about AJ's attack, worried that the airwaves had ears. Their conversations were cryptic and stilted but they had been that way for the past couple of months. The strain of separation was finally wearing on them. They hadn't seen each other since July, before that was in January over the Silvers case. The July encounter was an intense 72 hours of raw emotion, physical desire and profound intimacy. No plans were made for the future, in deed no practical topics were discussed at all. It brought them closer – so close it scared them. It also accentuated their loneliness – that scared them more.

**f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

**July 22, 2008  
1430 PST****  
San Diego International Airport**

They had been separated for six months. Their evening/morning phone conversations were amazingly honest and profound. There was some discussion of work and politics and world affairs. There was some discussion of mutual friends and family. But more than the mundane, they talked about fears and hopes and dreams. They talked about their failures and their successes and where they were in life and where they wanted to be. No topic was taboo. They supported each other, really listened and tried to understand the other. They opened up to each other in ways they never had with themselves much less anyone else. It was amazingly intimate and well worth the long distance phone bill.

Long about the fourth month, the calls had taken a turn. Talk was no longer about the day's work or common friends or ideas and feelings. It was about fantasies and desires; it was about past and future encounters. Each conversation became increasingly daring almost as if they were challenging each other seeing who could make the other whimper with just the sound of their voice and erotic descriptions of promised actions. Their last conversation was less than fifteen hours previous and Mac was still aroused from thinking about it.

When she got off the plane in San Diego … a five hour flight and an hour taxi ride from her desired destination … his hand came out of no where and grabbed hers. He pulled her behind a partition away from the gawking eyes of the tourists heading toward Hawaii and destinations west. He kissed her deeply. She felt herself go weak in the knees and her toes curled.

"Welcome home." He whispered before leading her out of the airport to a waiting taxi.

The Hotel 

**San Diego**

A short while later, he led her into the room of a small out of the way motel whose sole claim was its outstanding location. It over looked a private cove and was tucked into some very dense trees. She started to walk toward the balcony to admire the view; his arms came around her from behind. "Later." He whispered pulling her close. "We'll have plenty of time for that."

She turned to look at him.

"Oh God, Sarah." He sighed admiring each curve with his eyes. "I have missed you."

She backed slowly away from him as he advanced. "Have you?" She asked coyly. "Show me."

**SCENES DELETED – NC17 Rated  
Adult Situations, Nudity   
Not Suitable for All Ages Nine Hours Later**

He again swept her up into his arms and carried her back to bed, tucked her in the clean sheets and kissed her. He started to draw away.

"Where are you going?" She had dread in her voice.

"I'll be right back, lover." He kissed her again. "Just going to lock the door."

She lay back surprised that she hadn't thought of that earlier. What else did a normally stable rational practical woman forget? How long had they been there? She couldn't remember; her clock was off. Didn't remember when her plane landed and had no idea what time it was. What day was it? Where was her luggage? Did she need to check in with anyone? She had never let her self go that completely before. It was very indulgent and very freeing.

In moments Harm had slipped into to bed next to her and pulled her close. He let his hand run the length of her back and down her hips and legs as far as he could reach. She made lazy circles on his chest and stomach. She wanted to talk, but was so distracted by his caress that she lost her train of thought. A fleeting thought passed through her mind that she would never survive the weekend.

She tilted her head up to his. "Can we take this one slow and easy?" She asked as she nibbled on his chin.

"Slow and easy." He repeated. "Baby, I am at your command."

**SCENES DELETED – NC17 Rated  
Adult Situations, Nudity   
Not Suitable for All Ages**

Twelve Hours Later

They helped each other into the bedroom and slipped under the covers curled up next to each other. He kissed her forehead, her eyelid and her cheek before she tilted up to meet his lips. The kiss was loving and tender. He pulled her back close to his chest and closed his eyes. "I love you, Sarah."

"I love you."

They were each drifting off.

"Harm?"

"Hmmm." Came his reply.

"Has it ever been this intense for you before?" She had to hope that he was feeling it the way she was.

"No." He pulled her tightly to him.

"Why do you think it is this time?" She asked.

"I don't know, honey." He said quickly. "Maybe because we trust each other so completely, maybe the time apart and the things we talked about over the past six months opened us up to experience everything more deeply. I feel like I know you better than I know myself."

She pondered his answer and then asked, "Will it only be like this after long separations?"

"I don't know."

"Would it be worth it if is?"

"I don't understand." He was now fully awake.

"If we can only have this kind of intimacy after six months of nothing … would it be worth it?"

"The sex or the separation?"

"Both. Either."

He pulled away from her so he could look at her face. "What are you really asking?"

"I don't know." She shrugged and tried to curl back into him.

"Come on Sarah … what are you asking?"

"I am worried that if we are apart for too much longer then we will drift."

"Honey, I have never felt closer to you in my life … I am not going to drift anywhere."

"We will be going back to our lives soon -."

"Not that soon."

"Lives that we live apart. I don't know when we will be able to see each other again and what if next time is not like this time … what if we are both expecting this and are disappointed when it doesn't live up to the memory … then we will drift."

"I think you are buying trouble." He said. "What if next time is better than this time?"

"I don't see how." She stated honestly.

He agreed. It had been a pretty intense 21 hours only a few of which were used for sleep. He was not sure that he could last another 50 and to start thinking about the next encounter when the current one wasn't even half over was not in the game plan. "We are together now … let's focus on that." He pulled her back to him.

She nodded. She was still overwrought - emotionally and physically - from what they had just shared. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and couldn't hold them back. She started crying. He rolled her over on her back and took her hands away from her face. She didn't want him to see her. He kissed her tasting her salty tears on his lips. "Don't cry, Sarah." He said gently. He kissed her again then just held her as she wept. He was beginning to appreciate her concern for the future. They had reached a level that day that he never knew was attainable. Separating from each other would either exaggerate it out of proportion and thereby making it impossible to maintain or re-attain; or they would diminish it, devalue it as they each went back to their own lives letting the loneliness seep back in.

**e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k**

"Harm?" Mac said as she sat down next to him, slipping her hand in his.

Something in Harm stirred as her voice filled his ears and he was able to look into her eyes. Nothing was lost; nothing was missing. The stiffness they had been experiencing since July just melted away. She was his other half; a part of him that was in so deep that nothing could shake her out.

"Harm?" She was feeling the same bond reconnecting.

They folded into an embrace.

"I've missed you." He whispered.

"I have missed you more." She whispered back.

"I'm sorry." He pulled her closer.

"For what?"

"For being so … unreachable." There conversations had been a little less intimate after San Diego. Harm tried, he really tried to get back to where they were, but something had clicked after that getaway that made him realize that living apart was not the life he wanted. He tried not to blame her, and he tried not to blame himself.

"No … Harm … don't … I understand …really … I was a little closed off too." She pulled back to look in his eyes. "It didn't mean anything." She stated. "It was what we had to do to survive being apart."

"I don't know how much longer I can live this way."

"I know … we'll think of something." She confirmed.

"Sarah … anything could happen at any time … look at AJ … We are just wasting time."

She nodded. "And time is the only gift we are ever given." She echoed his words. "I have 30 days … we will figure it out." She promised him. "Trust me."

He pulled her back into his arms. "I do."

He held her tighter knowing that he would again have to let her go. "You need to see Gates." He said knowing that that would be a priority for her.

"Not tonight." She told him. "Tonight I need to be with you."

He looked at her. "Are you sure?"

"Very sure."

**

* * *

**

Ok … was gonna do this in one big chapter … but will post this today and hopefully that last part on Friday.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Letting the Days Go By or Old Relationships, New Friends  
By: Liz D  
A Future Fic based on the AU created in _Old Friends_ and _Old Friends, New Relationships_  
Chapter FINALE  
Spoilers/Prereqs: Sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships  
Written: Winter 2005  
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators.

* * *

**Letting The Days Go By**  
**Chapter FINALE **  
**  
October 31, 2008  
1830 EST****  
Office of The Secretary of the Navy****  
Washington DC**

"This offer will only be on the table for as long as you are in this room." He looked down on Captain Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie. "Administrative separation – Retirement -- nothing will go in your file, you will retain all pay and benefits."

"In exchange for what?" Harm asked.

"You will cease and desist the investigation, all information gathered will be turned over, a guarantee that you will take no further action and discuss what you THINK you found with no one … not even each other."

Mac and Harm shared a look. Clearly they were not happy.

Mac looked back the SecNav. "And if we refuse?"

"You will be brought on charges." His eyes flared, he was not a happy man. "Conspiracy, disrespect toward a superior officer, assault, insubordination, failure to obey an order, unlawful detention, making false statements, dereliction of duty, conduct unbecoming, fraternization, treason … hell I will throw the whole book at you and make it stick … you won't see the light of day much less each other for 60 years – if they don't hang you from the yard arm."

Harm and Mac did not answer right away.

"What has gotten into you two? I would have expected this from Rabb, but MacKenzie … you are smarter than to be involved in this." The SecNav flipped through the pages in front of him. "This is RIDICULOUS." He bellowed. "Is there any evidence that supports these claims?"

Both Harm and Mac forced back the urge to blurt out all they suspected.

"Rabb." He barked. "Is there any evidence?"

"Sir, yes we believe if we were allowed to finish the investigation -."

"So 'NO" … you have nothing … this is rumor … innuendo … total speculation."

"Sir, if you will permit me … there are more questions than answers -."

"To what?" He stopped him. "You were conducting a …a … rogue … for lack of a better work … investigation into the shooting of retired Admiral Chegwidden after being repeatedly ORDERED to stop … after his shooter had already confessed and was being processed by the local authorities."

"Sir we had evidence that linked --."

""HAD" Rabb." Again the SecNav interrupted. ""HAD" … so you don't have it now."

"No Sir, it was lost."

"What was the nature of this … so called EVIDENCE?"

"Phone logs, memos, and correspondence from Warrant Officer Jackson to his wife discussing what looked to be a very elaborate operation that had been going on for years that was arming the insurgents in Iraq."

"To what end?"

"We hadn't got that far, sir." Mac explained. "But if we were given more time."

"No Colonel … all the people you have listed here are no longer in the military … in fact all but one is working for Hendershod Industries. This is a civilian matter."

"The actions we are investigating happened when they were still in service, sir."

"You two have been watching way too much television." He shook his head. "Can the wife verify this correspondence?"

"No sir." Harm explained. "She was killed in a car accident three days ago when she was on her way to give us the letters. Nothing was found in the vehicle."

The SecNav sat down. "I assume that you think she was murdered and the evidence stolen."

"We have nothing to support that, sir." Mac stated. "But if we were given more time."

He clapped his hands together. "Well, time is one thing you don't have. My orders were very clear. This investigation is to stop – right now. I suggest you consider this VERY generous offer carefully." He was sincere. "Principles are a good think to have … very admirable, but are you willing to give up the rest of your lives for something you cannot win."

"Sir." Harm sat forward.

"We are at the end of our discussion, Rabb." The SecNav stopped him. "This is the United States Navy … in the real world … this conspiracy you are cooking up in absurd. It doesn't matter how much time you are given, there is no truth to what you are saying so there will be no evidence to prove it. All you have is a series of unanswered questions that can be answered one of a hundred ways. I will not let you call the entire Navy … in deed the entire military into question just to feed some fantasy of yours. You will not be allowed to destroy the career and legacies of some of the finest men it is ever been my pleasure to know. We are a country at war … and the two of you should understand that. Your investigation was reckless and irresponsible. You were acting on emotion."

Harm and Mac sat still.

"I will give you an hour to discuss your options." He got up to leave. "As I said, the offer is only good until you leave this office. Hell, if it were up to me, I would bring you up on charges, but the president just wants this to go away. He admires your zeal however misguided which is why he has asked me to extend this offer." He stood at the door. "Think very clearly … this is your reputations and in deed your future is at stake."

He left the room.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Mac bolted out of her chair. She was LIVID.

"We need more time." She started her rant. "They are trying to shut us up because we are close to something. Well they better think again."

"You think the SecNav is in on it too? The president?"

"I don't know … maybe … all I know is that we are close to something … very close."

"I think we should take it." Harm said simply.

She flipped around to face him. "What?"

"I think we should take the deal." He repeated.

"I can't believe you are saying this." She shook her head.

"Mac, step back and look at this. This all stared when Loni Jackson called AJ to ask him to find her missing husband. She told AJ about these letters that she had received vaguely inferring that he was doing something illegal. Question One: why would Jackson write that in a letter to his wife much less many letters?"

"So you are saying that she is crazy." She shook her head. "Was crazy."

"Don't know. AJ never saw the letters, but launched an investigation on his own. AJ eventually found the husband holed up with another woman – but not before there were questions raised about his activities in Iraq before and after Jackson retired. Question two: why didn't AJ just tell the wife about the other woman and end his investigation?"

"Because he believes what we believe … that some people were using this war for profit … some very influential people … and that it went all the way to the top."

"Yes … all the way to the top … or the NEXT top."

"What does that mean?" She asked.

"Mac we are trying to link a decorated retired marine corps general who is quite possibly the next president of the United States in to a treasonous plan to defraud the American people."

"I know."

"Mac … do you know what kind of scrutiny the presidential candidates are under by the press? We are days away from the election. If there were anything shady in his past it would have come out by now."

"You don't know that." She exclaimed. She wiped her hand over her face. "If you felt this way, why didn't you stop this weeks ago. You were the one pushing so hard to keep this going."

"I was … I really was … and I know we have found several of the people involved, but we only have one person linking General Hollister and that person is very suspect."

"That is only because we aren't able to get the evidence … it keeps slipping through our fingers."

"Or it was never there to begin with."

"Harm."

"Mac … look … I am not so convinced … not any more … neither is AJ. The only person we have is Jackson and the corporation he works for and the only thing we can prove is that they were shipping something in and out of Iraq … but we have nothing to show what it was."

"We KNOW what it was."

"We can't prove it."

Mac slumped down in the chair next to him. "I can't believe you want to cut and run." She shook her head. "I can't believe that you would just let this rest knowing that Hollister might be involved."

"We can't do anything from Leavenworth."

"We can beat those charges." She stated clearly.

"Can we? Did I or did I not disobey a direct order from my CO and continue this investigation? Did you or did you not assault Lt. Colonel Mitchell? Did we or did we not walk into Hollister's office and accuse him of something we didn't have the facts to back up? If we can't prove our accusations – and at the moment we can't – then we are just making false statements. The conspiracy and treason would be hard to make stick, but both of those definitions get rather lax when the country is at war."

"Harm."

"Mac … we may not be in the same chain of command by what you and I did last night would definitely be called 'fraternization'."

She waved him off. "I can't believe you are being so … calm about this … this is not like you. Rabb the mission man … Super Rabb."

"I am not giving up the fight, but it is best to know when you have been given an opportunity to make things better."

"What does that mean?"

"Mac … we have our answer."

"To what?"

"We can be together."

"Huh?"

"If they kick us out … if we retire … you don't have to go back to Okinawa … we don't have to worry about duty stations or protocol or anything … we can do what we want … any where we want. We don't even have to stay in Washington."

"Harm we have made the military our career … or lives … if we leave now …"

"Nothing will go in our file … if we stay … we go to court. Let's say we win … on the off chance that we get a good lawyer." He smiled. "What happens then? We have slurred the name of how many fine officers and hopefully gotten the bad ones convicted. This thing could go on for years – Hollister would be in his second term before we see a trial date. We have dragged the Navy and the Marine's dirty laundry out in public for all to see --."

"This is a lot more than some dirty laundry."

"My point is … even if we win, we lose. There is no way we will come out of this the heroes. They will dump us on opposite sides of the world in desk jobs. We will never see each other again."

"That is a bit dramatic."

"Is it?" He took her hand. "Do you think you will get to keep that cushy command position you have?" He smiled. "I will be sent to Alaska or downtown Baghdad."

"So you would rather quit and let them win."

"I would rather protect what I have … and nothing says that an anonymous call to the right person won't let someone else take up the fight."

"Harm."

"Mac … listen to me … this is the right thing to do. At least the right thing to do for right now and definitely the right thing to do for us." He leaned in. "Come on Mac … we were great … working together … it was great … better than it has ever been."

"So you want to quit and open a 7-11?"

"No … we are still lawyers … investigators … hell, I don't care what we do as long as we do it together."

"I never would have guessed you had this side."

"Mac … since July … well since before then … but definitely after and particularly after AJ was shot … I have had one thing on my mind: not wasting anymore time. I know we can't live on love …as romantic as that sounds it is just not realistic. You and I love to work and we love our jobs-"

"Jobs that you are trying to throw away."

"Mac, our jobs - as they existed - are gone. JAG is not available to us anymore. So, after 20 years should we just bend over and let them do what **they** want … or do we take the out that was given to us and do what **we** want?"

"What about Hollister and the rest of them?"

"He will get his … if he is guilty it will come out."

"In a hundred years?"

"No … not that long."

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**November 4, 2008 – Election Day  
1500 EST****  
National Naval Medical Center****  
Bethesda Maryland**

_**"I am standing in front of the Hollister for President campaign quarters where the mood here is very grim." **_The TV reporter announced. _** "The allegations by Retired Warrant Officer Luke Jackson that came out just last week have clearly affected Hollister in the polls. What looked like an easy win now appears to be a bit of a fight.**_"

AJ clicked off the TV set and looked at Harm and Mac. "What did you do?"

"Nothing sir." Harm said innocently.

"Mac?"

"Nothing sir." She echoed.

Gates smiled. "I think Jackson had a change of heart." She stated.

"And how do you think that happened?" AJ squeezed her hand.

"I think he might have had a discussion with someone who convinced him that too many people had already been hurt."

"And that someone would be …"

"A concerned citizen." She grinned.

"So Jackson had something tangible all the time." Mac asked.

"He didn't even know it." Gates stated. "Didn't know he had it in him. His wife death really shook him up."

"That was ruled an accident." Mac stated.

"Doesn't matter … when you are guilty, you take responsibility for all accidents … she never would have been driving on that road, on that day, talking to you about him … if he hadn't have had an affair and written those letters."

"Gates, you're a bully." He pulled her down for a quick kiss.

"I have my ways."

AJ looked back to Harm and Mac. "Is this gonna come back and bite you in the ass."

"Now that the link is undeniable, I don't think the Navy or the president will want to bring us up on charges. I think they are going to want to distance themselves from Hollister as far as they can."

"So what are you two going to do?" He asked.

"We have not decided yet … we are going to enjoy the holidays and see what the New Year brings."

"That is a good plan." AJ said. "Ya know … Vic and I have more work than we can handle … you ever think of being PIs?"

"And working for you again, sir?" Harm asked.

"We would let you two buy in … partners." He laughed. "Got to clear that with Vic first … he might like to be your boss for a while."

Harm wrapped his arm around Mac. "Can we get back to you on that AJ?"

"Take your time."

"So …you two want to make it a double wedding?" Gates jumped in glad to have things getting back to normal.

Mac looked up at Harm. "We need to get back to you on that too."

"But you are coming to our wedding."

"We'll be there." Harm confirmed.

"'Scuse us." Gates pulled Mac out into the hall and let AJ and Harm find something to talk about. "So … you OK?" Gates asked.

"Yeah."

"Second thoughts … worried about what to wear now that the uniform of the day is a little more open?" She scanned her up and down. "Could use some fashion advice."

Mac looked down at herself. Jeans and a top. "What?"

"It is a little … flouncey."

"Flouncey?" Mac asked.

"Baby, you are over 40 years old … you cant wear shit like that anymore … even if you have a body like yours."

"Gates."

"Look, I'm just saying … I mean … I am letting you pick out what you are going to wear as my maid of honor and I just want it to be … you know … tasteful."

"TASTEFUL? Gates you are wearing beads and fringe."

"Not to the wedding." She laughed. "So really … things Ok with you and Rabb?"

"Great … I think we have really made some good choices."

"And those choices are?"

"Not up for discussion." Mac confirmed.

"So you are not even going to tell me?"

"No." She smiled. "Not right now …right now … Harm and I are great and you don't get to meddle in that."

"ME?" She laughed. "When have I ever meddled?"

"Oh Yeah … and I still owe you for Nea Johansson." Mac glared.

"You don't need to thank me." Gates wrapped her arm around Mac.

"THANK YOU?"

"I said you didn't need to ... but you are welcome."

"What?"

"Rabb needed a reminder of what he was missing."

"So you through a tall, blonde, Swede with legs that go on for days and an ass that you would kill for at him so he would think of me?"

"It worked didn't it?" Gates laughed. "There is always method in my madness."

"Right."

"Wanna get some dinner, AJ needs to sleep."

"Can't tonight … maybe in a couple of days."

"Call me."

"I love you, Gates."

"I love you too, baby."

Mac sighed. "Why does everyone call me 'baby'?"

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**November 5, 2008  
1700 EST****  
Landers Aviation****  
Blacksburg, PA**

"You are sure about this?" Mac asked as she stepped around the plane after Harm.

"You bet … you'll be great."

"And she is running right … I mean you haven't had her up in years."

"She is fine."

"Ok."

"Good … don't worry, Sarah … you'll be a natural."

"You are really thinking you can teach me to fly."

"The ground school was perfect." He leaned in and his voice got very sexy. "You sure know how to handle a stick."

She blushed. "Harm."

He pulled her in for a long kiss before she got too self-conscious.

"I love you." She whispered as she pulled him close.

"I love you."

"Are you worried about what is gonna happen to us?"

"You mean what we will do with our days … our nights are covered."

"Stop."

"Mac, we can do whatever we want to do. AJ's offer is good. We can open a practice and do what we have always done, only we get to pick our clients. You might find the flying is in your blood and we can buy this place. Hell, we can move to some remote island and open a café and serve tourists. The world is quite literally our oyster."

"What about Mattie?"

"Mattie is happy for us … she know that whatever we do, we love her and she will always be a part of us."

"What about kids?"

"Do you want kids?" He asked seriously.

"I don't know … I mean, I always thought that we would have them, but I kind of like the idea that we are free to do whatever we want without having to think about a kid."

"Me too … and if that changes … then it can change."

"But you still aren't going to marry me." She confirmed.

Harm got serious. "Mac … I love you … I will be with until the of my days – which I hope is decades away. It wasn't a piece of paper that kept us together last time, it was us. I want you with me because you want to be with me, and if you need to leave I don't want to ask anyone's permission."

"I won't leave." She vowed.

"So a marriage license won't mean squat."

"Maybe."

"Do you need it?" He asked. "If you need it we will fly to Virginia and get married tonight."

She smiled. "So you really think you can teach me to fly."

"Get in." He told her.

"Harm?" She stopped him. "I love you." She kissed him.

"I love you." He told her. "Get in and take the stick."

Mac taxied out to the end of the runway, with constant instruction from Harm, she easily got SARAH in the air. She set her course and flew directly into the setting sun.

* * *

Good Luck to them though I don't think they will need it. Looks like they are making their own luck. 

Thanks for playing along. I hope you enjoyed and if you did, a little comment would be much appreciated. Thanks


End file.
